‘The Simpsons’ in ‘Vanity Fair’: An Imagined Oral History

Graydon Carter, editor, Vanity Fair: I can’t remember if it was my idea or someone else’s, but I definitely was the one to give it the go-ahead. After all, I edit Vanity Fair, don’t you know.

John Ortved, author, “Simpson Family Values�: I pitched an oral history of The Simpsons, and my editor thought it was a great idea with the movie coming up. It was my editor who sold Graydon on the piece; he told me that Graydon was under the impression that it was another O.J. Simpson story, and that I was Dominick Dunne, and it would be better just not to correct him.

Charles Townsend, CEO/President, Condé Nast Publications: I can’t say I read every issue of Vanity Fair, but I read it at every opportunity. And I think it’s still as brilliant as ever.

John Ortved: We thought the story would be a piece of cake. After all, these are comedy writers — they’ll be hilarious!

Matt Groening, creator, The Simpsons: Yeah, I didn’t talk to that guy.

James L. Brooks, producer, The Simpsons: I didn’t talk to him.

Sam Simon, executive producer, The Simpsons: They have a section about how I was the unsung hero of the early years of the show, and about my arguments with Groening, but I didn’t talk to them.

George Meyer, writer-producer, The Simpsons: There’s this whole bit in the piece where everyone says I’m the godfather of the writer’s room, and they mention that famous New Yorker profile of me, but I didn’t talk to anyone.

John Ortved: Well, it turned out to be harder than we thought to get staff on the record, but we felt pretty comfortable that the actors would get onboard.

Dan Castallaneta, voice of Homer: I didn’t talk to him.

Julie Kavner, voice of Marge: I just didn’t want to talk to Vanity Fair.

Yeardley Smith, voice of Lisa: I didn’t talk to him.

Nancy Cartwright, voice of Bart: I didn’t get on the phone, no.

Phil Hartman, voice actor: I would’ve talked to them, but I’m dead.

Harry Shearer, voice actor: You know, I meant to, but things just got so busy. I think Azaria talked to him.

Hank Azaria, voice actor: I gave them a lot of great quotes!

John Ortved: So in the end we had a lot of trouble getting people. As I said on the Contributors page, “Trying to get an in with The Simpsons was like trying to infiltrate the Mob.�

Fat Tony, Mobster: Mr. Ortved did make an attempt to speak with me, but his efforts were, I am afraid, unsuccessful.

John Ortved: A lot of the old writers and producers did talk to us. Brad Bird gave us two nice lines. Conan O’Brien was a lifesaver.

Conan O’Brien: I fucking made that piece. Amid a sea of arid Rupert Murdoch and Barry Diller quotes, my hilarious stories about Conan’s early days on the show, and my tidbits about George Meyer and Matt Groening, wow. Plus I give a fantastic quote at the end about my work on The Simpsons living forever that is kind of sweet. Give me the National Magazine Award, bitches!

Courtesy of Vanity Fair