Hey, Expectant Mothers: Auditioning For ‘American Idol’ During Active Labor Is Crazy

Such is America’s hysteria for all things American Idol that news outlets are treating 20-year-old Dallas resident Antoria Gillon’s determination to continue her Idol audition despite being in active labor as a symbol of plucky determination, rather than as a deeply disturbing comment on our nation’s collective thirst for fame. While it all ended happily, with Antoria getting her golden ticket and later giving birth in the hospital to a son (named Jamil, but forever to be known as Li’l Pitchy), we sort of wish that Antoria’s resolute declaration that “I was more than willing to have my baby right there� had come true, just so we could hear the judges’ comments on the baby’s first, plaintive wails.

“Dawg, I’m just not feeling it,� Randy would tell the squalling infant.

“I really like your story and your determination to get out of the birth canal,� Paula would gush to young Jamil Labarron Idol McCowan.

And Simon would roll his eyes. “That was utterly horrible,� he’d say. “Completely out of control. You sound like a crying baby.�