Stupidity comes in all shapes in sizes. While this list is dedicated to documenting them all, we admit a preference for a specific kind: stupidity created in good fun. This is the type on display when a friend leans over and says, “Would it be too stupid if, in the next scene, we rigged up a bra with whipped-cream canisters, so it looked like my nipples were ejaculating?†and then collapses on the floor laughing. Or, when an acquaintance asks, “What is your position on the word ‘steez’? Too stupid to say out loud? But I can use it in a pop song, right?†just before you start cackling in her face. The answer in both cases, of course, is, “Yes, that is too stupid! Whipped cream as a stand-in for semen is a played-out and cheap means of scintillation; ‘Steez’ should never be used, full stop†— and yet, we must admit these examples are a form of energetic, mostly harmless silliness. The world is not better for them, but at least you laughed while they were bludgeoning and lowering your standards. Sadly, the same cannot be said of this week’s new entries, a trifecta of awfulness characterized not by fun, but hatefulness, cynicism, and earnestness respectively. While it is our duty, as objective categorizers of all things idiotic, to put Mel Gibson and the profound terribleness of his recent behavior on this list, know that we would much rather be adding a movie about a squad of superheroes whose only power is to shoot food products out of their undergarments — and not because we like the sound of this movie. It is summer after all: We would prefer it if even the stupidity could stay light. We hold out hope for next week.
1. Rocket to Uranus†stands strong at number one, and the lyrics — “Uranus is so pretty, it feels like home,†— have never sounded so gloriously, wonderfully dumb.
5. Chris Brown breaking down in sobs at the BET awards while trying to sing “Man in the Mirror†would have been enough to land him on this list just for its sheer lack of subtlety — the possibility that the “sobs†were created by eye drops lands him at No. 5.
7. Showgirls 2 trailer.
9. Yesterday we broke the news to M. Night Shyamalan that his The Last Airbender has been receiving savage, historically horrible reviews. This seemed to make him sad. That makes us sad. So, unlike with The A-Team or Jonah Hex, we’re bummed to put the The Last Airbender on this list: It just feels like piling on. And yet, it is our duty to pile on, so it debuts here, at No. 9. If The Last Airbender makes $60 million dollars this weekend, as it seems poised to, we will feel less bad next week.
1. Rocket to Uranus†stands strong at number one, and the lyrics — “Uranus is so pretty, it feels like home,†— have never sounded so gloriously, wonderfully dumb.
7. Showgirls 2 trailer.
4. Here’s Mel Gibson. He should probably be higher up, but we are penalizing him for ruining the mood, being ignorant and horrible, and messing with Jodie Foster’s The Beaver. Don’t do that, Mel. Also, Mel, don’t do this: open your mouth and say to anyone, let alone your baby mama, “You look like a fucking pig in heat and if you get raped by a pack of niggers it will be your fault.â€
8. We’re combining Kyrah, a Ke$ha knockoff, with Ke$ha’s lyric, “My steez is gonna be affected if I keep it up like a lovesick crackhead,†because the former is trying to be stupid like the latter and, well, we need to free up a slot. In other news, as the week’s go by, we are starting to come around on these lyrics, Stockholm Syndrome style.
10. Parents who hear a toy say the word “pussy†and don’t think of a cat.
6. Bristol Palin’s acting debut on Secret life of the American Teenager gets knocked back two spots. Watch it again — it’s not quite stupidity in the spirit of fun, either.
1. Rocket to Uranus†stands strong at number one, and the lyrics — “Uranus is so pretty, it feels like home,†— have never sounded so gloriously, wonderfully dumb.
10. Parents who hear a toy say the word “pussy†and don’t think of a cat.
See you, hopefully sillier, next week!