Whatever happened to predictability, the milkman, the paperboy, evening TV…and the girlfriends and lovers of George Costanza?
One of Seinfeld’s best unexplained jokes was why dozens of attractive women would fall for guys like Jerry and George. Especially George. (I get the Kramer thing.) With the exception of Susan, who lasted longer than any female should want to in the company of George, seemingly every episode brought a new girlfriend or lover for the diminutive, balding, angry, Yankees-employed momma’s boy. Below you can find what all of George’s lady lovers from season 6-9 have been up to. (For seasons 1-5, please click here.)
Michelle Forbes, as Julie (“The Big Saladâ€)
On Seinfeld: Julie takes credit for Elaine’s big salad, even though it was George who paid for it. This upsets him to no end. Her response: “All I did was hand someone a bag.â€
Since: Homicide: Life on the Street, 24, Alias, Battlestar Galactica, Prison Break, Lost, In Treatment, True Blood, and The Killing. Clearly, Forbes has an uncanny ability of appearing in some of TV’s most watched, and talked about, shows.
Jessica Hecht, as Lindsay (“The Couch†and “The Gymnastâ€)
On Seinfeld: Lindsay first appears in “The Couch†as a member of George’s book club. She reappears in “The Gymnast,†where George meets her mom, who soon sees him eating from a trashcan and washing the windows of a car. She believes him to be a bum.
Since: Hecht made a name of herself on another NBC Thursday night comedy: Friends, where she played Susan, the lesbian life-partner of Ross’s ex-wife, Carol. She’s also been Breaking Bad (as Gretchen Schwartz, Walter’s old chemistry assistant) and Bored to Death (as Dr. Kenwood, George’s urologist). She recently appeared with Scarlett Johansson and Liev Schrieber in A View from the Bridge on Broadway. She is married to Adam Bernstein, who has directed episodes of Breaking Bad and 30 Rock.
Vicki Lewis, as Ada (“The Secretary†and “The Raceâ€)
On Seinfeld: Exclaiming that he needs to concentrate on his work, George picks Ada, an effective and supposedly unattractive person, to be his secretary. They, of course, soon have sex in his office, during which he yells, “I’m giving you a raise.â€
Since: In the comedy world, Lewis is best known as Beth on NewsRadio and as Maureen Binford on Home Improvement. In the theatre world, she’s recognized for her roles in Damn Yankees and The Crucible. In the everyone else world, Lewis’s voice sounds familiar as Deb from Finding Nemo.
Charlotte Lewis, as Nina (“The Switchâ€)
On Seinfeld: Nina, a model, eats and eats but doesn’t gain a pound. George suspects she’s bulimic, especially after hearing her make a “blah†noise in the bathroom after dinner.
Since: Lewis had her last acting gig back in 2003, in Hey DJ, “featuring an all-star cast of the world’s greatest DJs.†In 2010, Lewis made news when she claimed that director Roman Polanski had sexually assaulted her when she was 16 years old and working on the set of his film, Pirates.
Jessica Tuck, as Bonnie (“The Label Makerâ€)
On Seinfeld: Bonnie has a male roommate, Scott, who makes George uncomfortable. George actually gets the guy to move out, but that makes him the most responsible man in Bonnie’s life. In an attempt to call off the relationship, he suggests a ménage à trios.
Since: Yet another Seinfeld girlfriend who ended up on True Blood, Tuck plays Nan Flanagan, a spokesperson for the American Vampire League, on the HBO series. Elsewhere, Tuck was Nicole Brown Simpson in the TV movie The O.J. Simpson Story, the woman who falls for the billboard dad in Billboard Dad, and Bonnie in Men of a Certain Age.
Joan Scheckel, as Diane (“The Beardâ€)
On Seinfeld: George wears a toupee to hide from Diane that he’s actually bald
Since: Scheckel runs a filmmaking workshop in California, teaching the likes of Mike Mills and Mark Romanek how to find the “essence of each aspect of the film.†It was briefly profiled in the New York Times.
Christa Miller, as Paula (“The Doodleâ€)
On Seinfeld: Paula draws an accurate caricature of George that annoys him, even though she’s attracted to him because “looks don’t matter.â€
Since: 170 episodes of The Drew Carey Show; 89 episodes of Scrubs; 45 episodes, and counting, of Cougar Town. Christa Miller, who’s married to Scrubs and Cougar creator Bill Lawrence, sure knows how to pick them, and by them, I mean consistently funny sitcoms — and she’ll be receiving lovely syndicated royalty money for the rest of her life.
Marla Sucharetza, as Nancy (“The Fusilli Jerryâ€)
On Seinfeld: George tries to perform “The Move†on Nancy in bed, but it doesn’t go well — it felt like aliens poking at her body.
Since: Many-a small part in quality entertainment, like Road Trip (as the Sperm Bank Nurse), In & Out (as School Reporter), and The Station Agent (as Janice). She’s also in a White Castle commercial, which is kind of awesome.
Katy Selverstone, as Siena (“The Face Painterâ€)
On Seinfeld: George tells Siena that he loves her, but she doesn’t hear because she’s deaf in one ear.
Since: Mostly known for her theatre work, including roles in The Ride Down Mt. Morgan, Quills, and Asylum, Selverstone also appeared in The Drew Carey Show as Drew’s first season girlfriend, Lisa.
Marisa Tomei, as Maria Tomei (“The Cadillacâ€)
On Seinfeld: A fan of short, quirky bald old men, Marisa Tomei shows up on George’s radar after Elaine tells him that the Oscar-winning actress is a friend of a friend.
Since: Tomei is one of Hollywood’s most consistent and talented actresses. Outside of her 1992 Oscar for My Cousin Vinny, Tomei has been nominated two other times: in 2002 for In the Bedroom and 2008 for The Wrestler. She was in last year’s Cyrus and will soon appear in the awesome-looking Crazy, Stupid, Love, with Steve Carell (her leg can be seen on the poster).
Rebecca McFarland, as Anna (“The Little Kicksâ€)
On Seinfeld: Anna believes George is a bad boy because Elaine tells her to not date him.
Since: A graduate of Tulane University, McFarland had a recurring role on Working, with Fred Savage, from 1998-1999 and can be more recently seen in Friday Night Lights (in “It’s Different for the Girlsâ€) and Two and a Half Men, as Leanne. She submitted a screenplay to Ben Affleck and Matt Damon’s Project Greenlight and even advanced to the top-30 before eventually losing to Stolen Summer.
Heather Campbell, as Sheila (“The Packageâ€)
On Seinfeld: George thinks Sheila, who works at a photo store, slipped him a risqué photo of herself (she didn’t), so he does the same (he shouldn’t have — really shouldn’t have).
Since: I’m really sorry to bring this up, but Police Academy: The Series was once a thing. It was painfully unfunny and the only actor from the films who consistently appeared on the show was Michael Winslow. Anyways, Campbell played Cadet Annie Metford and I vaguely remember her being one of the better parts of the series. Her last role was as a diner owner in 2001’s Murder in Small Town X.
Kymberly Kalil, as Heather (“The Chicken Roasterâ€)
On Seinfeld: Now the proud owner of a Russian hat, George is confused when Heather doesn’t immediately fall for him. So he pulls the ever-reliable Leave Behind at her apartment to see her again.
Since: Kalil had three post-Seinfeld roles: in Jerry Maguire (as a former girlfriend), The Big Easy, and The King in Queens, the last in 1999. She is married to William Fichtner, of Prison Break fame.
Tamara Bick, as Louise (“The Abstinenceâ€)
On Seinfeld: Louise has mono, so she and George can’t have sex. Because of the titular abstinence, he turns into a genius, even giving batting advice to Derek Jeter and Bernie Williams of the New York Yankees.
Since: Bick is the co-writer and director (with her husband Drew Antzis) of Honey and Joy, a Post Foods-endorsed series about two employees at a cereal factory. She also wrote 2009’s Coma, a dark comedy about a wife leaving her husband after she wakes up from a coma. She and Antzis have a long history of working with Funny or Die.
Andrea Bendewald, as Celia (“The Little Jerryâ€)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eDZk1TXRRto
On Seinfeld: Celia is the librarian/an inmate at an all-women’s prison, which intrigues George…until she’s eligible for parole.
Since: Her second Wikipedia fact is: “She was a bridesmaid at Jennifer Aniston’s 2000 wedding to Brad Pitt, and Aniston was matron of honor to Bendewald’s August 19, 2001 marriage to Mitch Rouse at the Saddlerock Ranch in Malibu, California.†Good to know. Bendewald is best known as playing Maddy Piper on Suddenly Susan.
Shannon Kenny, as Allison (“The Susieâ€)
On Seinfeld: Steinbrenner is throwing a Pinstripe Ball at NYC’s Tavern on the Green, and George is excited that he’ll finally be able to make a grand entrance with Allison in her backless dress.
Since: Kenny was the voice of Inque on Batman Beyond and played The Keeper on TV’s The Invisible Man from 2000-2002. After that, she played recurring character Paris Petrowski, the mother of Ruthie’s on-again, off-again boyfriend, on 7th Heaven. She is married to Nestor Carbonell, a.k.a. Richard on Lost.
Suzanne Cryer, as Marcy (“The Yada Yadaâ€)
On Seinfeld: “Yada, yada, yada.â€
Since: Nothing’s going to top arguably the most popular catchphrase to ever come from Seinfeld, but Cryer has had a nice little career, with roles in everything from Dexter to Veronica Mars. She also starred as Ashley Walker in Two Guys and a Girl and has done a lot of theatre work. According to a random website, Cryer is “fond of cooking, horseback riding, swimming, and tennis.â€
Rena Sofer, as Mary Anne (“The Muffin Topsâ€)
On Seinfeld: George pretends to be a tourist from Little Rock, Arkansas, and he meets Rena at the Tourist Bureau.
Since: Although Sofer is an Emmy-winning actress (for her time on General Hospital) and has had recurring roles on Ed (as Bonnie Hane), Melrose Place (Eve Cleary), and the terrible NBC remake of Coupling (as Susan Freeman), she’s probably best known for her, shall we say awkward, time on Just Shoot Me! She joined the show for 14 episodes in its seventh and final season, against the wishes of many in the cast and crew who believed her character, Vicky Costa, disrupted the flow of the show. Eh, that show kind of sucked, anyways, and Sofer found success as Nathan Petrelli’s wife, Heidi, on Heroes — and she even once got to be the love interest of David Boreanaz (Angel!) on Bones. Fun fact: Sofer appeared in 1992’s Saved by the Bell: Hawaiian Style.
Audrey Kissel, as Tara (“The Bloodâ€)
On Seinfeld: George asks Tara if she wouldn’t mind him bringing food into the bedroom, if you catch my drift. She’s fine with it, as long as there’s no “salted cured meats.â€
Since: Kissel’s first two screen roles were in Grosse Pointe Black and Seinfeld. Not a bad beginning. Since then, however, she’s only made three subsequent appearances, and they were all in 1998 (most notably, an episode of 3rd Rock from the Sun). Kissel also played Lois Lane in the American Express commercial starring Jerry Seinfeld and Superman, who was voiced by Patrick Warburton, a.k.a. Puddy.
Arabella Field, as Miranda (“The Merv Griffin Showâ€)
On Seinfeld: Miranda is horrified that George runs over squirrels in his car. He counters that humans and the bushy tailed rodents have a deal, and if the squirrel stays in the way, it’s their fault. He later brings an injured squirrel to Kramer’s apartment, home of The Merv Griffin Show (set), where a hawk attacks him.
Since: Field played Hank Azaria’s wife, Lucy, in that terrible 1998 remake of Godzilla, which also starred Harry Shearer and Frank Welker. SIMPSONS DID IT. She did some voice work for Baby Blues in the early 2000s and played Diane Kruger’s secretary in National Treasure. In 2010, she starred in the Babelgum-produced series Sex and the Austen Girl, about two women, one from the present-day California and one from Regency England, who have switched bodies and time periods, and “debate the pros and cons of life and love in today’s world vs. Jane Austen’s world.†Fields also recently appeared in Fight for Your Right Revisited, that Beastie Boys short film starring everyone ever, as a Church Goer.
Justine Miceli, as Nina Stengle (“The Betrayalâ€)
On Seinfeld: Appearing in the so-called “Backwards Episode,†Nina hates George at the beginning (end?) of the episode, and we slowly see the entirety of their relationship, including why he always has to wear Timeberlands in her presence.
Since: The Queens-born gal is best known as Det. Adrienne Lesniak on NYPD Blue, a role she played from 1994-1996 (her character was the one who questioned her sexuality, got really depressed, and was basically written off the show. Sigh). Miceli appeared in the pilot episode of The Sopranos as a nursing home director (ugh, Livia) and many years later, in 2006, would do some voice work for The Sopranos’ video game, Road to Respect.
Tracy Nelson, as Janet (“The Cartoonâ€)
On Seinfeld: Kramer and Elaine comment that Janet looks A LOT like Jerry, understandably freaking George out.
Since: Her dad is Ricky Nelson, her mom Kristin Nelson, and her grandparents Ozzie and Harriet — it’s no wonder Tracy became an actress (although two of her brothers, Matthew and Gunnar, became musicians and played together in the ‘90s hard rock band, Nelson). Tracy’s most fruitful period came pre-Seinfeld, appearing on Square Pegs, Aaron Spelling’s Glitter, Father Dowling Mysteries and in Down and Out in Beverly Hills, but she’s continued to work, largely in TV movies. She also played Rizzo in Broadway’s Grease and, um, hosted (?) a straight-to-video special on pregnancy massage.
Alex Kapp Horner, as Maura (“The Strong Boxâ€)
On Seinfeld: George attempts to break up with Maura, but she refuses to “turn the key.â€
Since: In 2006, Horner would reunite with Julia Louis-Dreyfus on The New Adventures of Old Christine, playing the bitchy Lindsay, one half of the Mean Mom duo (she also wrote an episode in 2010, “Revenge Makeoverâ€). She got her start as a member of Groundlings and has also appeared on Friends and Spin City.
Josh Kurp would still date George Costanza.