Here’s The Onion on the resignation of Steve Jobs and his replacement at Apple by new CEO Tim Cook: “Following the resignation of Apple founder Steve Jobs, incoming CEO Tim Cook called a meeting of shareholders and members of the press Thursday morning to announce that he envisioned printers as the company’s future. ‘Laser, ink-jet, double-sided, color, black-and-white — the future of technology is in printers. I am absolutely convinced of that,’ Cook explained to a packed auditorium as a montage of printers and people using printers played on a screen behind him.