How fun would it be if instead of a paper bag, every hyperventilating human being were handed a copy of Kelly Clarkson’s new single “Catch My Breath†and told to just follow the instructions? (“Catching my breath/ letting it go/ turning my cheek for the sake of the show.†Repeat.) She could do a whole series, actually — the Kelly Clarkson “Heimlich Maneuver†song; the Kelly Clarkson “CPR†song; the Kelly Clarkson “How to Put Out a Small Kitchen Fire†song. Everyday emergencies would be so festive! And also these songs might be more interesting.
While we’re at it, Purity Ring asked Danny Brown to help them make a sequel to “Belispeak,†and he said yes, because sometimes we can have nice things. Here’s “Belispeak II.â€