Everybody fancies themselves as some sort of wizard that can conjure up laughter by a few strokes of a keyboard, but only a few tweeters are truly worthy enough to have all of their witticisms transmitted to you, the ever busy comedy fan trying to navigate through an increasingly congested internet. Every Friday we’ll make your life a little bit easier by introducing you to an individual that you might not know about who consistently makes us laugh and momentarily forget that other days of the week exist.
(If you’re reading this from an RSS feed, jump on over to the website where you can actually view the tweets for an optimal level of enjoyment.)
According to her twitter profile, Mary Kobayashi (@MaryKoCo) is a fan of salt and secrets, but is not a big supporter of headlights or decisions. That sounds like more than enough information to me, but if you want to know more about Mary you just need to read her amusing tweets to get to know her better. For starters, we know through Twitter that she’s got some sweet pick up lines.
[blackbirdpie url=â€https://twitter.com/MaryKoCo/status/261977657896480768â€]
Mary can always get a date.
[blackbirdpie url=â€https://twitter.com/MaryKoCo/status/274764378014883840â€]
It’s probably best to not respond to a late night text from her.
[blackbirdpie url=â€https://twitter.com/MaryKoCo/status/179215905723650048â€]
Apparently some people have already taken my advice.
[blackbirdpie url=â€https://twitter.com/MaryKoCo/status/278401679811035136â€]
You should be weary of any refreshments she offers.
[blackbirdpie url=â€https://twitter.com/MaryKoCo/status/269577177509543936â€]
Mary has a great idea for a television show.
[blackbirdpie url=â€https://twitter.com/MaryKoCo/status/260479058163425280â€]
And for a can’t miss, huge box office smash.
[blackbirdpie url=â€https://twitter.com/MaryKoCo/status/240644807570108416â€]
She does not think highly of walkers.
[blackbirdpie url=â€https://twitter.com/MaryKoCo/status/197854014786908161â€]
Mary understands the appeal of Twitter.
[blackbirdpie url=â€https://twitter.com/MaryKoCo/status/224697282514255872â€]
And that sometimes it can cause a lot of pain.
[blackbirdpie url=â€https://twitter.com/MaryKoCo/status/165948583449853953â€]
She is hungry.
[blackbirdpie url=â€https://twitter.com/MaryKoCo/status/248612268256923649â€]
Maybe too often.
[blackbirdpie url=â€https://twitter.com/MaryKoCo/status/265347902564597760â€]
Kobayashi really loves baby owls.
[blackbirdpie url=â€https://twitter.com/MaryKoCo/status/183163386425638913â€]
Because horses have misleading names.
[blackbirdpie url=â€https://twitter.com/MaryKoCo/status/210576388393156609â€]
Mary plans to pass along her love of language to her offspring.
[blackbirdpie url=â€https://twitter.com/MaryKoCo/status/179399641979289600â€]
Her kids will probably have gym memberships.
[blackbirdpie url=â€https://twitter.com/MaryKoCo/status/244220161073217537â€]
She is a hard worker.
[blackbirdpie url=â€https://twitter.com/MaryKoCo/status/258616832410386433â€]
She has met JGL.
[blackbirdpie url=â€https://twitter.com/MaryKoCo/status/268174159958405122â€]
And has at one point been married to a lawyer.
[blackbirdpie url=â€https://twitter.com/MaryKoCo/status/250795798416224256â€]
Mary likes bad boys.
[blackbirdpie url=â€https://twitter.com/MaryKoCo/status/275076352565182464â€]
But don’t tell her mother that.
[blackbirdpie url=â€https://twitter.com/MaryKoCo/status/278368166818770946â€]