Community Writers Confirm Britta-Jeff Sex Tape — We Imagined the Dialogue

Last night, the writers for Community did a Reddit AMA. And in between answers to questions about favorite characters or guest stars was this exchange: 

Fan: “What I want to ask is that we know that Abed had a camera in his dorm at the college and that Jeff and Britta had sex in Abeds room at the time (during the Paradigms of Human Memory episode). Does this mean that Abed is in possession of a Jeff/Britta sex tape?�

Megan Ganz, writer: “We have discussed this in the writers’ room, actually. The general consensus was: definitely.�

Can you imagine? Well, we tried to do so and came up with a transcript of their sex dialogue. Watch the alluded-to clip and read how we think it all went down.

Jeff: “I can’t believe I’m in my thirties and boning in a bunk bed.�
Britta: “I can’t believe you’re in your thirties and still call sex ‘boning.’� 

Britta: “When I was living in New York, I once met a prostitute who gave me sex tips in exchange for my opinions on Darfur.�
Jeff: “Really?�
Britta: “No.� 

Jeff: “Wait, wait, right there … I can see my reflection in your eyes.� 

Britta: “Why am I never on top? Is it because I’m a woman?�
Jeff: “What? Women can be on top.�
Britta: “That’s right. Yes we can, Jeff. Yes. We. Can.�

Jeff: “Wait, wait, stop … your eyes make my forehead look huge.� 

Britta: “This position is overly heteronormative.�
Jeff: “Britta, if you looked up heteronormative in the encyclopedia, you’d probably see a picture of us having sex.�
Britta: “Encyclopedia? Okay, Pierce.�
Jeff: “Please stop making me picture Pierce reading the encyclopedia when we’re having sex.�

 
Britta: “What do we do if Abed comes in?�
Jeff: “I’ll tell him a leprechaun took our clothes or something.�
Britta: “That’ll never work.�
Jeff: “Britta, this will never work if you keep on shooting down my great ideas.�