Photo: Bob Mahoney/CW
Hey, everyone. Did you have a good Valentine’s Day? Yeah? Well, you clearly did not watch last night’s episode of The Vampire Diaries, then. It was a doozy, and not in the normal “OMG I can’t believe Damon and Elena had sex against a fireplace” way. In the really, truly, “I do not think I can go on with my life” kind of way. Our troop found the cure only to realize there is only one dose. Michael Trevino exited the show with a heartbreaking, epic good-bye. Katherine came back. And oh, yeah: Jeremy DIED.
Let’s debate or whatever who even cares I don’t have the will to live.
Stefan Would Still Give It All Up for the Girl
- Elena putting her hand on Stefan’s after declaring she liked the sound of them being “friends” was kind of a douche move. We can’t tell if the reason this pisses us off so much is that their friend turn feels oddly familiar (and therefore too easy) or if it’s just because it doesn’t ring true. We’ve had the suspicion for a while that the show would try to convince us of some type of platonic relationship between Stefan and Elena and (for now); we’re just not buying it. You’ve seen Paul Wesley, right? Minus 8
- “I guess that’s what happens when you’re dumb enough to hold out hope.” This is an interesting word choice. Remember in the first episode of the season when Elena and Stefan were whimpering at each other through a wall and Elena told Stefan he had hope? Stefan has always had hope. It is often what differentiates him from Damon — Stefan sees things the way they could be, Damon sees things the way they are. Elena has spent the majority of this season holding out hope for what could be different. That might be gone now. No points, but man, this show is good.
- Also, Rebekah pointing out that Stefan would still give the cure to Elena was sweet for a few reasons. (1) It’s not new news that some of us [cough] are Team Stefan over here, and (2) How cute was it that for a beat it sounded like Rebekah would have given the cure to Stefan? Plus 4
- Stefan’s conversation with Elena was a long time coming. This idea that she was going to magically transform into pre-bridge Elena post-cure was frankly ridiculous, and we’re glad she admitted it out loud. We’re not totally sure what is in store for these two, but whatever it is, it’s not going backwards. Plus 6
- Stefan staying to save Damon and telling Elena to leave made us feel tingly. We’ve mentioned how this show is really a love story between brothers, right? It’s totally our favorite corner of the triangle. Plus 7
Total: 9
Damon Just Wants to Provide for His Loved Ones
- “Look at my skin. It’s flawless.” It really is. Everyone on this show is so absurdly good-looking it’s sometimes even more frightening than the plot. True story: I once read Nina Dobrev’s hair-care regimen in InStyle and ordered every product she claimed to use. The oil mask is pretty good, P.S. Plus 5
- “My friends want the cure and I want them to have it.” He meant it as sarcasm, but we’re here every week — it wasn’t. Plus 4
- There are points somewhere here for Damon being dragged by a rope around his neck, but please don’t make me give them. Fine, plus 4.
- Damon’s conversation with Rebekah deserves a plus 4, as does his “I’m going to get that damn cure, and I’m going to give it to the girl that I love.” We’re not surprised at his selflessness (season two love confession, anyone?), but we dig his big brother attitude. This reminds us: We have a theory on how this show will end. Remind us to tell you sometime when we’re not weeping in a corner.
- Damon sending Stefan down after Elena goes in the same category as above. He doesn’t want the cure for Elena, but he’s not going to get in the way. Plus only 2, because honestly? We knew all of that already.
Total: 19
Bonus Points:
- Klaus telling Rebekah that there is only one dose gets a plus 3. He really let his humanity show this episode, and we liked it.
- Only one dose. It is so simple, how did we not see that coming? This show has the most incredible ability to surprise us. The twists are always right under our nose, yet we rarely call them. Note: I’m sure some of you thought that maybe there would only be one dose. You’re just smarter than me. Deal with it.
- New guy with an accent — plus 12.
- Plus 10 for Bonnie AND Stefan leaving Shane. Ugh, that guy.
- We’ll admit we’re not Klaroline shippers, but their exchanges this episode get a plus 15. Everything from correctly claiming that Caroline did not want to be human again, to Klaus telling her they’re alike, to him saying he let Tyler go for her reminded us of just how complicated these characters are. So. Good. Those. Writers.
- Michael Trevino. Just gonna get up on a soapbox super quick. Cool. So Tyler began this show a real prick. He was the bad guy to Matt’s good and we loved to hate him. But slowly and beautifully he began to transform until he became (in our opinion) the show’s most altruistic male lead. He has consistently stood up for what is right (not to be confused with “Elena right”) and has been fearless in the fight against Klaus. Trevino is an amazing actor, Tyler was an incredible character, and they will be deeply missed. Plus 80 for the memories.
- Caroline’s insistence that Tyler promise to let her go made us openly sob. “Until we find a way” was just … give us a minute, okay? Plus 40.
- Look, I do not know whether Jeremy is coming back from the dead. He was wearing his ring, but what that means is still unclear. Am I happy about this? No, I am devastated. Do I think there is a reasonable chance he is not gone for good? Sure. Do I trust this show? Absolutely not. If there’s one thing The Vampire Diaries has proven to us time and time again, it’s that they’re not afraid to do anything. No-thing. At this point, we are terrified for PAUL WESLEY. Plus 70 for Jeremy being so courageous and kind with Bonnie, for his “listen to my voice and only my voice. I’m gonna get us there,” and, okay, for his bare chest. It is trivial, but we promised we’d always give points when someone took off a hoodie — and we keep our promises.
- Pretty concerned about Bonnie, you guys. We sorta feel like her fate may be worse than Jeremy’s? For now, no points, but we’re starting a vigil.
- KATHERINE RETURNED, and now has the cure. We’re happy to have her back, because we have some serious questions and have waited long enough for answers. Like, who did she really love? Was it just Stefan, or was it both of them? Who loved her? These dudes spent 150 years dealing with that and they’ve known Elena for, what? Eighteen months? And Katherine and Elena look IDENTICAL? Sorry, no, not over it, need more information. Plus 20 for the potential to figure some stuff out, as well as Katherine now holding all the cards … do you think old curly hair might actually want to be human?
Total: 250
Neither Stefan nor Damon won this round. Last night’s episode goes to Trevino, Jeremy, and the hole in our chests where our beating hearts used to be. Frankly, we wish we had the ability to turn off our emotions, too.
We’ll get through next week together. As for everyone else? We’re not so sure. In the meantime, come on over to Twitter if you need a hug. I’m at @RebeccaASerle.