Judith (Jurnee Smollett-Bell, left) and Ava (Kim Kardashian, right) in TYLER PERRY’S TEMPTATION.
Photo: KC Bailey/Lionsgate
The grannies were very upset with Tyler Perry when he gave Kim Kardashian a supporting role in his new film Temptation, but as an image-obsessed clotheshorse whose primary concern is snagging a rich man, you can’t say Kardashian was cast against type. The real surprise is that the 32-year-old reality star has quite a bit of dialogue to deliver (over 50 lines worth!) in this film, though some of it — in particular, the flatly mumbled line, “Push me out of a window, why don’t you?” — seems designed to provoke chuckles. Here, then, are all of Kardashian’s lines in the movie, taken wildly out of context. Read them in Kim K’s voice: a vaguely disapproving murmur with random words emphasized so suddenly it’s as though she were jolted to life by an unexpected electric shock.
- “Good morning. Your 8 a.m. is on his way up.”
- “Ugh, look at those shoes.”
- “I wasn’t talking about hers, I was talking about yours. They look like orthopedic shoes.”
- “Judith, we’ve been going over this for weeks. Look around this office, what do you see?”
- “Look at me, Judith. What you should see is people in this office care about what they look like. UNlike you.”
- “We have over a billion dollars walking in and out of these offices looking for love, and we have a standard to uphold. And this is not our standard!”
- “Yes, you do.”
- “Yeah, you do.”
- “A degree?”
- “A degree on the wall, without labels on your back, is nothing.”
- “Where are you from, new girl?”
- “Where the hell is that?”
- “The South. That explains it. You grew up below the Mason-Dixon.”
- “And you really need an iron to that skirt.”
- “Say no more. That … that blouse. It’s telling it all.”
- “What’s wrong with my dress? You don’t breathe in Hervé.”
- “Oh my God.”
- “You’re killing me. You don’t know who that is? The third largest social media inventor since Zuckerberg? ClassMeet? What planet are you from?”
- “She is no madam. You need to bite your tongue. She’s a matchmaker, and she’s very good at her job.”
- “Stay right there, I know she was talkin’ to me.”
- “Okay!”
- [whispered] “Bye. Nice to meet you.”
- “Do I have any calls?”
- “Flowers!”
- “I didn’t know that the 15th was your birthday. Happy birthday, here you go.”
- “You are so excited about him. That is great.”
- “Did you try something new? With your hair?”
- “Unfortunately, I do. Is your fashion icon, like, ‘Delta stewardess’? That’s what you look like.”
- “Ugh! Is this wool? It’s making me itch.”
- “A blend of what?”
- “That WAS a compliment.”
- “He … he’s on his way up. C’mon. We … we gotta go.”
- “No, Harley. Come on, we really gotta go.”
- “Watch my manicure!”
- “I’m trying to be your friend here, Judith. When people look at you, it reflects bad on me. They don’t think you have a mirror or a friend, and they know we’re friends! My friends don’t look like this! They look like [gestures to self] THIS.”
- “That’s not makeup. That’s makedown.”
- “Oh. My. God! You’re wearing flats?”
- “Push me out of the window, why don’t you?”
- “H-Harley’s here. C’mon, we gotta go. Enough with the coffee. No coffee break. Nope, nope. We gotta go.”
- “Hi Harley!”
- “What? We’re back to this again? Did you not have a good birthday or something.”
- “He forgot? I thought he sent you flowers yesterday.”
- “You are forgettable. Honey. You have to make a man remember you. I’ve tried to give you my assistance, but you don’t want it. So, get out.”
- “Win what?”
- “Are you kidding. Oh my … thank you. I have been dying to get my hands on this hair. C’mon, c’mon.”
- “Look. Look at the bag, the shoes, the purses, everything. I dream of this room! Look at this.”
- “This is the place that Janice sends the girls that she’s not happy with. Where, you know, she sets them up. So, this is what I call Couture Heaven.”
- “All right, let’s get started. I have so much to do to you and so little time.”
- “What do you think of this?”
- “One that’s never been on your back. It’s called ‘expensive.’”
- “Wait a minute … those are NOT my hand-me-downs.”
- “Oh my God. You caught on. Wait a minute, wait! You caught on. Let me see. I am so proud.”
- “This is my finest moment in life.”