This episode was perfect, poignant, and perfect. That is, frankly, the extent of my recap.
As the episode opens, boring Frank and Claire are walking down a street when he impulsively suggests they marry before meeting his parents. Nice try, Frank. You are still you. Claire giggles and blushes and says yes and then we are at the wedding of Jamie and Claire and the groom may kiss the bride.
At the wedding party, Claire and Jamie away themselves upstairs. Jamie informs Claire, who is sulking, that the party won’t end until they “make things official.†The newlyweds immediately set to drinking an astonishing quantity of alcohol, or at least Claire does. She can throw them back is what I’m saying. Jamie just stares and we stare at her, thinking, Woman, you have seen his amazing body. What is your malfunction?
Claire is still stalling and making us wait and not letting herself be great, so she begins asking Jamie “getting to know you†questions. First: Why did he agree to marry her? Because he’s awesome, that’s why. We also learn he wanted to keep her safe. Jamie says some sexy stuff about how committed he is to Claire and really, he spends the entire episode being sexy and perfect. My last name is now Gay-Fraser-Gay.
Jamie goes in for a kiss and Claire, still her own worst enemy and our worst enemy, asks Jamie to tell her about his family. Blah blah blah drinking and talking about family histories as the newlyweds get to know each other. Sometimes, there is such a thing as too much foreplay and nothing has made that more painfully clear than this show.
After a brief interruption, Claire realizes she can hold us off no longer and suggests that they should go to bed. “To bed, or to sleep?†Jamie asks and Claire is rather coy about it. Jamie offers to help Claire disrobe and proceeds to remove one layer of clothing for every week we have been made to wait for this sacred event. They were all about layering back in the day. The scene is amazing, erotic, sweetly charming. Jamie is gentle in disrobing Claire and she is nearly breathless. He tentatively touches her breastbone and then her breast. Claire’s breathing becomes more ragged. Mine does too. Thirteen minutes into the episode and finally they are getting down!!!!
Guys, at this point, I was rapt. I would not have noticed an earthquake.
Claire says, “my turn,†and removes Jamie’s kilt. Praise Beysus. They finally kiss and it’s hot. “Where did you learn to kiss like that?†Claire asks. Jamie grins and says, “I said I was a virgin, not a monk. If I need guidance, I’ll ask.†He is all perfect man hot sexy Scottish swagger. He then shows us that he needs no guidance at all. They have their first sexual encounter which is, as you might expect, brief, kudos for realism, and then there is some pillow talk. Jamie admits he thought men and women had sex like horses and Claire laughs and oh, to be so young and innocent. He also asks Claire if it was good for her, which made me cringe because, oh young man, don’t do that. Claire is silent and Jamie’s ego is a bit crushed but let’s be real, young man. It was your first time and practice makes perfect.
Sad Jamie says his friends told him women don’t enjoy sex blah blah blah and Claire admits, “I did like it, Jamie,†and then she confesses to us that “Not only was I a bigamist and adulteress, but I enjoyed it.†Claire is all about the angst. She just won’t let herself be happy but it’s fine. We can be happy for her. Or envious. Or something.
Jamie spends the next while in only his shirt, revealing that he has amazing, muscular thighs. Have mercy. He is perfect. Claire heads out of the room to get some food, but everyone is still downstairs celebrating. Jamie sends Claire back into the room and goes down to gather provisions. Dougal is sulking at the table and tells Jamie he should thank him, which Jamie does, and then he returns to his not-so-blushing bride.
Is there more whisky? Why yes. Claire continues to damage her liver. When Jamie tries to caress her, she shrugs away, so clearly, we are going to have to wait, yet again, for the good parts. Jamie, bless his heart, continues to be the most romantic man on the planet. He describes Claire’s brown hair so eloquently that all around the world, panties likely dropped. I can neither confirm nor deny if mine did.
Claire eyes the Fraser tartan and asks Jamie where he got it. There is a flashback to Jamie and Murtagh in the barn, discussing the impending nuptials. Jamie asks Murtagh if his mother would approve and Murtagh tells Jamie Claire’s smile is just as sweet as his mother’s and all is right with the world. Then we learn that Jamie had three conditions for marrying Claire. He wanted to “wed properly†in a church, he wanted a proper ring for Claire, which he had forged by a blacksmith out of a key, and he wanted Claire to have a proper wedding dress. We get it, Jamie, you are the perfect man. We do not need further convincing. In three excellent flashbacks, we see how these conditions were met. Truly, as good as the sexy times were, the entire episode was really well done. The most amusing scene is when Ned the lawyer goes to a whorehouse to acquire Claire’s wedding dress and Ned is offered some “entertainment†for his efforts.
The couple continues to kill us with chatter and we learn that Claire was deeply hungover on the morning of the wedding and she remembers very little. Fortunately, Jamie, still perfect, remembers “every moment, every second.†The wedding ceremony is lovely and only a little awkward. Part of the ceremony is the binding of their blood and Jamie and Claire recite the most passionate vows I’ve ever heard. Mark my words — over the coming months, a legion of couples will be, at the least, reciting these same vows. There may be blood, depending on how intense these couples are. I recited the passionate vows to the empty hotel room within which I am ensconced so I’m pretty sure this room and I are forever wed.
FINALLY, we get back to what we have all waited for and wanted for so long. Claire finally does us a solid and tells Jamie to take of his shirt because she wants to look at him. Jamie disrobes and we get to see nearly all of his perfect body. There is even some tantalizing frontal action where we can gaze upon that muscular pelvic “V.â€
Look, I am only human. I objectified Jamie along with Claire and millions of viewers. I feel guilty about this, but I do have eyes and I appreciate a rugged, husky man. I murmured, “Mmmmmmm,†more than once. There may have been some rewinding. Jamie’s ass? Also spectacular. Goddamn, goddamn. Quid pro quo, Claire similarly disrobes and the newlyweds get to know each other a little more with some vigorous lovemaking.
There are several things to appreciate about how this scene is filmed — we see Jamie’s innocence but also that he can rise to the occasion. There is far more of a focus on his naked body rather than Claire’s. There is a distinct focus on female pleasure. When Claire reaches her and our happy place, young Jamie worries he has hurt her. No, lad, she’s just vocal and she has had an orgasm. Unicorns are real!
You might think the sexy times would be over but they aren’t. We were made to wait but the wait was worthwhile. Claire takes charge of things and because she is a modern woman, she is quite the frisky lass, pulling at Jamie’s skin with her teeth as she makes her way down his immaculate body. She pleasures him orally and artfully, or at least, what we see of the scene is artful, and when all is said and done, Jamie is very very happy. We are very happy. Praise Beyoncé. Jamie falls asleep, typical, and Claire wraps herself in his kilt to go downstairs.
Dougal finds Claire and tells her he has been to see Captain Randall. The captain did not take the news well. Then, in a strange moment, Dougal tells Claire she can “sample other pleasures,†aka him. “I find you to be the most singular woman, Claire.†She is, of course, taken aback. “I’m Jamie’s wife,†she says. Before anything untoward can happen, Rupert interrupts them. Claire thanks Rupert for getting the ring. As she goes upstairs, Rupert says, “That one looks well ridden,†and Dougal slaps him. Dougal is very covetous and bitter and conflicted. Alas.
When Jamie wakes, he sees Claire by the fire and goes to her, draping a lovely strand of Scotch pearls around her neck. Jamie, you had us at hello. The pearls belonged to his mother and now they belong to his wife. There is more heavy breathing and kissing and bodies comingling as Claire straddles Jamie’s lap and all is right with the world.
In the morning, Jamie is dressing and heading down to get some food. Claire reaches for her wedding dress, and out falls her wedding ring from her other marriage. As the episode ends, she slides that ring on her finger and stares at her two hands, and her two wedding rings. I call this “time travel problems.â€
Looking Ahead:
- When will Claire introduce Jamie to pleasuring a woman orally?
- What the heck is happening with Frank back in ye modern times?
- Is Captain Sadist Randall really going to just let this slide?
- Is this episode just a tease or are we going to get what we want in the next episode, and also, when does the second-half of season one start and will there be hot sex in those episode too?