The Story
Bob’s heart is crushed when he gets rejected from the local community garden (because he and the restaurant have a dark-ish past with the woman in charge, Cynthia Bush). Upon visiting the garden, Bob strikes up a deal that entails Cynthia’s son Logan (a.k.a. Louise’s teenage archnemesis from season three’s “Ear-Sy Rider“) doing an unpaid internship at the burger joint in exchange for a garden membership. While Bob enjoys his freshly grown beans and arugula (for the good of the restaurant!), Louise and Logan’s rivalry intensifies and Linda finds a nemesis of her own.
The Highlight Reel
Bob began the episode moderately peeved because Louise ruined one of his favorite cooking utensils; thus, the seeds for blackmail were planted early on.
Gene: You love Niagara ketchup, admit it! You wanna get in a barrel and be a part of it!
Bob: No.
Louise: Dad, are you still mad about the zester?
Bob: Yes, of course I’m mad. You zested gum off Gene’s shoe.
Louise: Yeah, it’s called being a good sister.
Bob: But now it’s ruined. You can never un-zest this.
Tina: Can’t we get another zester?
Bob: Not like this one. It was perfect. I had more zest for this zester than I do for life.
Linda: It was simply the zest!
[+1 to Gene for going condiment-crazy; +1 to Linda for beginning what was an episode chock-full of grade-A food puns.]
When Bob learned he was rejected from the community garden, his children comforted him by relaying their own painful memories of rejection.
Gene: Consolation seeds; I’ve been there.
Tina: Why would they send those?
Bob: I don’t know, Tina. I guess to remind me of the beautiful place that exists that I’ll never get to be a part of.
Tina: Like the boys’ locker room.
Gene: Or New York in the ‘90s.
[+1 to Tina for being a dirty dog (behave!); +1 to Gene for the regional shout-out — New York missed you, too.]
Linda went a little too far in supporting Bob’s campaign to appeal his rejection, but it’s the thought that counts.
Linda: Do what you gotta do, Bobby. If you have to sleep with her to get in, it’s okay. I don’t like her, but whatever it takes.
Bob: Way ahead of you, Lin.
[+1 to Linda for turning this into an episode of HBO’s Big Love; RIP, Big Love and Big Love–era Bill Paxton.]
Bob’s initial conversation with Cynthia (about his application materials) was beautifully awkward, mainly because he started punning about gardening and vegetables.
Bob: I did make a few jokes. Like where it asked what are your hobbies? I said, “Beets me.â€
[+1 to Bob for being true to his punny self; pun like no one’s watching.]
Logan didn’t like it, unfortunately. He sprayed Bob with a gardening hose and then had a quick, sensible excuse:
Logan: God, it’s hot, he probably likes it!
[+1 to Logan for being a thoughtful douche — I can be punny, too, I guess. Sorry.]
The long-awaited Logan-and-Louise reunion was just as obnoxious as you thought it would be, in the best way:
[+1 to both of them for all of the faces and noises.]
Needless to say, Louise wasn’t thrilled to have Logan working alongside her.
Louise: You’re paying this butt brain?
Logan: My butt does have brains. They’re called turds, and they’re smarter than you.
[+1 to Logan for doing his best.]
Gene, on the other hand, was stoked to have a pal more his age, with his sense of humor.
Gene: Finally, we’re getting a little bit more sausage at this party!
[+1 to Gene for whoa, yeah.]
Obviously, Tina had no qualms with the additional sausage.
Tina: I’m okay with him, I can pick his brain about mid-teen boys. Find out what tickles their pits.
[+1 to Tina for whoa, yeah.]
Logan and Louise were bullying each other for pretty much the whole episode, and Gene said what was on everybody’s minds.
Gene: I bet when you guys reconnect in your 30s, you guys are gonna get married.
[+1 to Gene for the Dr. Phil–caliber psychosexual assessment.]
Bob: Everyone said, “You don’t have a garden. Why are you buying gardening equipment?†And I said, “I’ll grow into it.†Heh, heh, trowel, right?
[+2 to Bob for having a conversation with himself and a trowel at a community garden, and for continuing to kill the pun game.]
While Logan was buttercupping Louise like that was his unpaid internship, he and Gene became fairly close, thanks to their proclivities for high-fives.
Gene: I’m in the Mile-High-Five Club.
Linda: Sounds great!
[+1 to Logan for mentoring Gene; +1 to Gene for toeing the line between cute and pervy; and +1 to Linda for being charmingly oblivious.]
Tina’s quest to understand boys culminated in a shocking revelation.
Logan: That’s classified top-secret guy stuff.
Tina: Right, right, right, right. And towels, how small are they? Like washcloth size? Smaller? I’ll start folding this, you say when.
Logan: …
Tina: I can’t even fold it more.
[+1 to Tina. Achievement unlocked.]
We learned that Cynthia makes Linda do that weird, frustrated mouth thing where she gnashes her teeth for long periods of time:
[+1 to Linda for endurance and strong facial muscles and patience (kind of).]
Potentially the No. 1 highlight of the episode was the musical number commenced as Bob’s garden and Linda’s rage both began flourishing. And what a musical number it was. (You can listen to the whole song, “Happy Crappy,†and learn about how it was made, over at Noisey. You can also watch the whole thing here.) Here’s a clip of some of Bob’s fantastic dance moves you can play on loop for fun.
[+1 to Bob for this virtuosic Nicki Minaj–Michael Jackson–Chris Brown gyration medley.]
Logan was a disgusting teenage monster and unleashed all of his bodily gases on Louise for the ultimate nasty throwdown.
[+1 to Logan for the STANKICANE.]
Louise crushed Bob’s kidneys when he revealed that Logan was the Employee of the Month. In an attempt to patch up the hard feelings, Bob tried out some new pet names with Louise.
Bob: Louise, sweetheart. Sweet pea? I know I don’t call you that, but maybe we should start calling you that. I’ll do that. Sweet pea, how you doin’ in there?
… and:
Bob: Okay, good, so good talk, right? Good first step. Thanks for participating. I love you, cutie pie. Sorry, I’ll think of a better one than cutie pie. You’re my angel … dust. Sorry, that’s a drug. I’m gonna go. Bye.
[+2 to Bob for effort and the drug reference — imagining Bob on drugs is a good cure for the Mondays, by the way.]
To get her revenge on Logan, Louise unleashed a slew of spitballs and puns/plays on words.
Louise: Just spitballin’ here.
… and:
Logan: My uvula!
Louise: Employee of the Mouth!!!
[+2 to Louise for the puns, and another +1 for her incredible Katniss-like aim.]
Like daughter, like mother with the punsmithing.
Linda: Anyway, while you were talking to the wall, Louise snuck in and took off with your gardening shears. Yeah, she looked ready to use ‘em, too. I wonder on what? What could it beans?
[+1 to Linda.]
In the end, Bob did the right thing and let Louise fire Logan.
Bob: Louise is actually our human resources person now.
Gene: And I’m executive vice-president of new business!
Tina: Aw man, I’ve just been busing tables.
[+1 to Bob; +1 to Tina for the hard work and hunger for humble pie.]
Tina didn’t let her anthropological endeavors go that easily.
Tina: So if you wanna shoot me your email, I can just send you the rest of my boy questions.
Logan: Absolutely not!
Tina: [email protected]?
[+1 to Tina.]
The MVP
There are actually two awards for this episode. The first goes to Bob, for the puns, the dance moves, and the monotone singing. Also, he learned valuable lessons as a father, husband, and farmer. So he’s taking home Most Improved Player (a.k.a. MIP). And MVP, naturally, goes to Louise in this chapter of life on the Wharf, for (a) vanquishing her nemesis (and future husband), and (b) bringing her dad back down to earth and reminding us all that family is better than arugula.
Bob’s Bonus Sliders
- Mike the mailman is weird. More, please.
- Logan and his mom were holding hands. How old is he?
- Logan, there are, apparently, so many lawyers whom you can hit up for that unpaid-internship problem.
- Logan also has to be the gassiest kid on Earth. Good for him.
- Bob should get a tattoo that says “Bob’s Beauties,†and then put Gene, Tina, and Louise’s faces underneath. As penance.
- How did Linda not absolutely wreck Cynthia after that Bob slap?
- The continuity was wonderful in this episode; it was great to see Logan and Cynthia again, and Gene is probably right about Logan and Louise (it even has a nice ring to it).
- Gene’s “Please Hammer, Don’t Hurt ‘Em†reference was too good to be true.