Sure, NYC kills when it comes to yeast-based products like pizza and bagels, but Washington, D.C.’s got those pretty little cherry blossoms. You like cherry blossoms, don’t you, Donald? President-elect Donald Trump has reportedly expressed his desire to spend a good amount of his presidential time at his NYC digs, and the news has sent Stephen Colbert into a whole new era of bargaining. Look, forget that Manhattan overwhelmingly voted against you. Put aside the swaths of people currently protesting on your doorstep. But dear God, man, think of the traffic caused by the constant Secret Service detail if you stay. Think of the generations of people who, if you do this, will live out their time in this mortal coil in a stalled metal box on the road, and, please, please, just settle for that other exorbitantly luxurious pad you’ve been offered.
