By her own admission, Hannah Horvath has spent the past six seasons of Girls “trying to become who I am.†So how has our millennial anti-heroine fared on her journey toward personal and professional self-actualization? Well, it’s been a zigzaggy, crisis-laden route that’s included a frustrating dead-end situation in Iowa, a lengthy detour through prep-school academia, at least three friendship breakdowns on Sunday’s penultimate episode, and several romantic and/or psychosexual wrong turns that brought her back to Adam time and again. Now that Hannah’s headed north on an arrow-straight path toward single-mom-with-health-insurance bliss in upstate New York, it’s time to take stock of her achievements and shortcomings with a premiere-to-finale reckoning of her highs and lows with regards to work, sex, friends, family, and more. Herewith, Hannah Horvath by the numbers:
Full-time, paying jobs Hannah’s had (including the college teaching gig she’s about to start): 6
All jobs, including internships and freelance, listed on Hannah’s résumé in the season-four episode “Close-Upâ€: 6
How many of those jobs Hannah held partly or entirely during the year 2012: 5
Hannah’s longest stretch of continuous employment: Café Grumpy/Ray’s, 18 episodes
Second-longest stretch of continuous employment: St. Justine’s, 13 episodes
How many times Hannah was summoned to the principal’s office while working at St. Justine’s: 3
Bosses she’s sexually harassed by flashing her crotch at them or forcibly putting their hand on her breast: 2
Jobs Hannah declared she was quitting, but didn’t: 2
Freelance pieces Hannah has had assigned and/or published, that we know of: 6
Full-time or freelance job interviews we’ve seen Hannah go on: 7
How many of those interviews Hannah’s blown: 1
Book deals (e- or print) Hannah’s been offered: 2
Books Hannah’s actually published: 0
How long Hannah’s relationship with Adam lasted after they officially became boyfriend-girlfriend: 19 episodes
How long Hannah’s relationship with Fran lasted: 8 episodes
Times Hannah’s been the romantic breaker-upper: 3
Times she’s the breaker-uppee: 1
Boyfriends Hannah’s cheated on: 1
How long Hannah lasted on her three-month summer road trip with Fran: 90 minutes, based on how long it took Ray to come get her in his coffee truck
Number of times she called Adam her boyfriend when he wasn’t yet: 4
Number of times Adam calls Hannah “kidâ€: 18
Number of episodes before Hannah asks him to stop calling her that: 37
Platonic roommates Hannah’s had: 5
Romantic roommates Hannah’s had: 2
Longest platonic roommate situation: Elijah, 30 episodes (in Brooklyn and Iowa)
Second-longest platonic roommate situation: Marnie, 10 episodes
Roommates she kicked out: 3
Roommates who left her: 3
One- or two-night stands Hannah’s had: 5
Men who offer to help Hannah raise her baby: 2
Exercises reluctantly: Once
Exercises willingly: 4 times
Number of visits Hannah’s parents pay her: 10
Number of visits Hannah pays her family: 4 (including the girls’ “queening†weekend with her mom)
How many times Hannah’s parents pay for dinner: 4
How long Hannah’s parents supported her before cutting her off in the series premiere: 2 years
How much money Hannah asked for after being cut off: $26,400 (in 24 monthly installments)
Money Hannah takes that doesn’t belong to her: $120
Times Hannah shows up late (to work, to meet friends/parents, etc.): 8
Bikes Hannah’s had stolen: 2
Bikes Hannah has stolen: 1
Distracted-driving accidents Hannah has definitely or arguably been responsible for: 3
How many times Hannah ate Cool-Whip straight from the container: 2
How many times Hannah has happily danced alone: 5