Take a deep breath, we’ve nearly made it. This is the season finale of Jax and Brittany Take Kentucky, and no doubt the series finale, and — one can only hope, for Brittany’s sake — something like a relationship finale, too.
It’s Jax’s last full day in Kentucky. Mamaw is pleasantly surprised by how well this city slicker has taken to farm work and the company of large animals and their poop. Against all odds, Mamaw adores Jax. She asks him to recount the story of how he and her granddaughter met, and he warmly obliges. He saw a beautiful girl out of the corner of his eye in Vegas, got her phone number, and she moved to L.A. two weeks later. A flashback offers us another telling of this story, via Brittany’s friend Cara: She invited Jax to play Jenga with Brittany and he said, “I would eat her asshole.†A classic meet-cute!
Jax and Brittany go out to dinner with her entire family on their last night in town. She’s a little displeased by how excited he is to return to L.A. When Brittany tells her folks she’ll be coming back for Christmas, Jax waffles, saying he needs to spend time with his own family, despite having just three days earlier reassured Mamaw that they’d visit for the holidays. I am starting to realize why Brittany wanted to make this show: Now she has audiovisual receipts for every single thing that Jax will inevitably deny. When Farmer Jax heads to the bathroom, Sherri asks Brittany how they’re doing after last week’s big fight (not to be confused with any of the other big fights that Jax and Brittany have had over the course of their televised relationship). Brittany plays it off, but her family seems unwilling to let Jax’s misbehavior go so easily. She’s understandably embarrassed; she doesn’t want them to have any reason to doubt her relationship.
Having reconvened to the bar after dinner, Jax and Don sit down for a chat. Brittany’s dad lays it on the line: “When you start talking about a serious relationship … I’m not, you know, 100 percent.†Jax takes this statement of non-approval in stride, and then — as if this is supposed to help sell him as a future son-in-law to Don — says, “God bless [Brittany], because there’s no woman on this Earth who could put up with me as much as she could.†Hear that, Don? Your daughter will be miserable in her marriage! What do you have to worry about? Jax tries one more last-ditch tactic to seek Don’s blessing, telling him how he plans to propose to Brittany on the hill where they went for their first walk together in Kentucky. Sure, buddy. I will believe that you’re going to propose to Brittany the moment I see you in the act of proposing to Brittany, provided there is an objective third party on hand to confirm that it is in fact you doing the proposing, and not someone hired on Craigslist to impersonate you.
Before what’s supposed to be their last tequila shot of the night, Brittany asks Jax to apologize to her pal Ashley for yelling at her the other night. Um, no? He doesn’t know why he’s supposed to be sorry. Brittany wants to toast to her friends, but Jax goes ahead and downs his shot without waiting for them. “Good-bye, Kentucky,†he says.
“Twelve hours later,†reads a hilariously ominous chyron. The next morning, their very last in Kentucky, Brittany’s calls to an MIA Jax go straight to voice-mail. She’s furious. Where the hell is he? The family is about to dedicate a gazebo in Papaw’s memory. Apparently, they went out to a local bar after dinner, where Jax once again drunkenly seized the opportunity to scream at everyone Brittany has ever cared about. He ended up spending the night in a hotel. Hearing this, Sherri’s reaction is odd, to say the least: “When you all drink and stuff, this is what’s going to happen,†she chides Brittany, questioning why she left Jax behind in Winchester. Sherri, no. Don’t blame this on drinking. Blame this on Jax. Why is she defending him anyway? (Brittany, please trust your dad’s opinion over your mom’s in future matters of the heart.)
The Western Hemisphere’s Greatest Boyfriend finally returns to the farm, exhibiting exactly zero remorse for his actions. “If you want to run away, run away, because you were wrong,†he tells Brittany as soon as he sees her. Sherri gets a front-row seat to the ensuing battle, as if it weren’t already uncomfortable enough to watch. Jax blames Brittany for not having his back when Cara told him that her friend’s life was better before she met him. (As a side note, Bravo, thanks for failing to shoot literally any of the drama that is now being discussed in great detail!)
“I saw your old life,†Jax snarls. “If that’s better then I don’t know what world you’re living in.†Again: Alongside Jax’s rant against all the people with “missing teeth†and “multiple kids†(?) he’s been forced to interact with while in Kentucky, this is happening right in front of Brittany’s mother. Brittany suggests he has a problem with anger. Jax suggests he could have been killed in that hotel. (Really, though? I would love to see the TripAdvisor reviews for this place. You know it was, at worst, a Holiday Inn Express.) After all of that, Sherri tells Brittany to say she’s sorry. Sherri, girl, what? It is as plain as the frosted lipstick on your face that your daughter is in a relationship with a man who unequivocally, unrelentingly mistreats her. It is mystifying that you aren’t on her side.
Well, um, if you guys are done fighting, it’s time to dedicate the gazebo. Jax wanders around like a distracted child as Mamaw delivers an emotional speech about her late husband. Afterward, as Jax heads off to pack his things and catch the flight home, Brittany decides to stay behind in Kentucky. She’s taking a stand. “Something has got to change, and if it doesn’t change, then we’re not going to work,†she tells the camera.
So, that’s it? Okay, fine, whatever. Jax and Brittany was an emotional slog, and a rare miss for a network that previously managed to convince me that watching people make beds on a yacht is utterly riveting television. (It is, though!) I look forward to washing the memory of this ill-fated spinoff away with a tall glass of LVP Sangria. See you guys at Sur!