Artemis Fowl is a series of eight science-fiction-slash-fantasy novels written by Irish author Eoin Colfer, which follow the tween criminal mastermind Artemis Fowl. Kenneth Branagh is directing a live-action adaptation of the first book, and Disney just announced some delightful casting news. In addition to Josh Gad in the role of “a kleptomaniacal dwarf†named Mulch Diggums, Oscar winner Dame Judi Dench will play Commander Root, “the steely leader of the fairy police force.†Consider now that Colfer once described the story as “Die Hard with fairies,†so if Dench is the head of the fairy police, does that basically make her the John McClane of the Artemis Fowl universe? An incredible possibility, indeed. Lara McDonnell will play the heroic elf Captain Holly Short (so maybe like the Argyle to Dench’s John McClane), and Nonso Anozie will be Artemis’s bodyguard, Butler (perhaps the Sgt. Al Powell?). Irish rookie actor Ferdia Shaw will assume the role of the titular hero in this movie we now refuse to see as anything other than a Die Hard update.