The Most Scathing One-Liners From Phantom Thread

While Paul Thomas Anderson’s Phantom Thread is mostly a showcase for Daniel Day-Lewis’s world-class acting, the film also serves as a veritable treasure chest of shade, overflowing with masterful one-liners. Day-Lewis, Lesley Manville, and Vicky Krieps dish it out with such cold-blooded ferocity that it reminds us all that, even in the aristocratic world of haute couture, the occasional “fuck off� is much needed. For your convenience — and hopeful future use — here are Phantom’s best insults and put-downs, with applicable scenarios to boot.

For when someone is being especially salty in the morning:
“I cannot start my day with a confrontation. I simply have no time for confrontations.�

For when your friend needs to just dump their S.O. already:
“She’s getting fat sitting around waiting for you to fall in love with her again.�

For when someone is posting too many self-idolizing Instagrams:
“You have the ideal shape. He likes a little belly.�

For when someone disagrees with your clothing choice:
— “The fabric is right because it’s right. Maybe one day you’ll change your taste.�

— “Maybe I won’t.�

— “Maybe you have no taste.�

For when someone’s moving too goddamn much:
— “Please don’t move too much.�

— “I’m just buttering my toast. I’m not moving too much.�

— “You are. Don’t move too much.�

— “Maybe you’re paying too much attention.�

— “It’s like you just rode a horse across the room!�

For when someone distracts you from your creative process:
“The tea is leaving, but the interruption is staying right here with me.�

For when someone is being a drunken idiot in your favorite dress:
“It is no business of ours how Mrs. Rose behaves, but she can no longer act like this and be dressed by the House of Woodcock.�

For when somebody has made you some shitty asparagus:
“I’m admiring my own gallantry for eating it the way you prepared it.�

For when someone is a sore loser (and you want to be a sore winner):
— “This is a stupid game.�

— “You see it as stupid because you’re losing. I imagine if you were victorious, you’d see it in a different light. Now get up, I need that chair for my next opponent.�

For when someone’s complaining too much:
“I don’t like to hear it because it hurts my ears.�

For when someone can’t get onboard with your #lifestyle:
“If it’s my life you don’t agree with, then you don’t have to share it. Why don’t you fuck off back to where you came from?�

For when someone tests you:
“Don’t pick a fight with me, you won’t come out alive. I’ll go right through and you’ll end up on the floor.� [Note: This line is most effective if you sip tea immediately after using it.]