If you are a living, breathing, barely existing creature on this planet in this year and, specifically, in America, you can attest that there is no more good news. I mean, there’s Fiona the Hippo and Rihanna and Beyoncé and Missy Elliott’s “funky white sister,†but that’s it. The well has all else dried up. Except, hold that thought, breaking news: Ludacris has been out here committing random acts of kindness in the form of buying groceries for strangers at Atlanta supermarkets for “years and years.†YEARS AND YEARS!
And how do we know this delightful information, pray tell? From the New York Times, which allotted valuable reporting resources to investigate over a hundred social-media claims that some kind soul named Chris — LudaCRIS — had been covering people’s grocery bills. In person. Just regularly showing up at Whole Foods, Sprouts Fresh Market, Publix, Costco, you name it, and carrying out God’s plan. (“Even Whole Foods in different … area codes,†the Times reports!) This one incredible woman had the correct reaction: “Upon learning who had bought her groceries, Ms. Jaramillo burst into what she described as ‘the worst possible white-woman rendition’ of Ludacris’s song ‘Rollout (My Business).’â€
The Times confirmed with Ludacris’s manager that, yes, it’s him and don’t question it: “Funny thing, Luda does these things all the time. But he doesn’t want to do interviews to highlight it. It’s just his heart.†And because the Times knew this would be your logical follow-up question, yes, Ludacris absolutely also does his own food shopping: “From time to time he shops his self.†Dear Marvel and DC, hello, this is the superhero story we deserve!