There comes a time in every woman’s life when she finally realizes that she’s starting to have real feelings for her fake boyfriend. It happened in She’s All That, and Pretty Woman, and nearly every Sandra Bullock movie. In To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before, Lara Jean Covey and Peter Kavinsky plot to fake date to make their actual crushes jealous: Peter was dumped by his popular ex, Gen, and Lara Jean is working out her feelings for her sister Margot’s ex-boyfriend. But just as this caper seems to reach a sweet conclusion — duh, Peter drove across town to the Korean grocery store to buy Lara Jean Yakult yogurt drinks because he likes her — their high-school bliss is interrupted: footage of Lara Jean and Peter making out in a hot tub during the school ski trip goes viral over holiday break. All this is eventually settled, save for one mystery: Peter and Lara Jean are together now, but who leaked the video of them?
I don’t have a fake boyfriend or a real boyfriend or a sister whose boyfriend I can secretly harbor a crush on. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career of mostly spending too much time on the internet. Skills that make me a nightmare for people who leak videos of Lara Jean and Peter Kavinsky: I am a “professional†“journalist,†and we are gathered here today to solve the mystery of who leaked the video of Lara Jean and Peter Kavinsky kissing in the hot tub on the ski trip in the greatest movie of all time, To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before.
Here’s what we know: At or around “night time,†Lara Jean left her ski-lodge room, where she went to the hot tub to talk to Peter about her feelings and making their fake relationship real. When they could finally admit that they liked each other, they started making out.
And then afterward — and this isn’t part of the official investigation, but it is just important to note — Peter walked Lara Jean back to her room and gave her this look:
Following a dramatic confrontation at Lara Jean’s house, where she fights with Josh, Peter, and Margot, her phone buzzes: Video of her and Peter making out is on Instagram. After the Covey sisters make nice, Margot gets the video taken down from Instagram over child pornography laws. By the time Lara Jean walks into school on the first day back from break, however, it’s still the high school’s hot gossip. I love high-school gossip. So let’s break down the potential offenders:
Lara Jean’s dad
While men are nearly always at fault for everything bad to ever happen (if you don’t want to believe me, check Wikipedia or the nearest history textbook!), Dr. Covey loves his daughters and wouldn’t want to hurt their feelings. He sweetly senses a change in his middle daughter after she starts dating Peter, so why would he want to jeopardize the relationship with the video?
Verdict: Not guilty!
Kitty
Miss Katherine Song Covey is indeed that bitch, but she’s not this bitch. Kitty was guilty of mailing Lara Jean’s secret letters, yes, but releasing hot-tub video feels unlikely. Kitty likes Peter (and loves him driving her to school), so why would she do anything to push him out of her life?
Verdict: Not guilty!
Margot
Margot had a right to get up in her feelings after learning that her little sister had a secret crush on her boyfriend! But the video was recorded and leaked before Margot discovered the Josh-LJ love, and she didn’t even know Peter and Lara Jean were fake dating.
Verdict: Not guilty!
Chris
I have no way of knowing this but: Somehow, some way, Chris found a Subway and was minding her own business and enjoying an Italian B.M.T.â„¢
Verdict: Not guilty!
Peter’s little brother Owen
While I would love to believe Owen is some Jimmy Neutron boy genius/gossip mastermind, this … does not seem plausible. From the mouths of babes do not come leaked sex tapes! That’s in the Bible.
Verdict: Not guilty!
Peter’s mom
The only thing I know for sure about Peter’s mom is that she has two sons, a faulty memory, and her terrible husband left her for another woman. She seems too chill to, like, stalk her son to a ski trip and hide out in the bushes waiting for him to make a move on his fake girlfriend, so I think she’s innocent.
Verdict: Not guilty!
Lucas
I unabashedly love Lucas. King of fashion! King of hating cold weather! King of not trying to exploit Lara Jean or her love letter! Instead, Lucas politely returned the love letter she wrote him because it “seemed private.†(I need a Lucas in my life!) Anyway, of course Lucas didn’t take the sex tape you weirdo. He was carb loading upstairs.
Verdict: Not guilty!
High-school student King Bach
Here’s the thing: High School Student King Bach — he has a proper character name, I’m sure, but come on — was probably in the right place at the right time. He could’ve snuck outside between his own ski trip hookups to snap footage of his best friend and his best friend’s girlfriend kissing. However, High School Student King Bach is really an adult man who probably has any number of other matters to attend to, like finding a good dentist on Instagram, checking to see what time the bank opens in the morning, or getting a spare house key made. (I don’t know what adults do.) Yeah, so anyway, he’s innocent.
Verdict: Not guilty!
Josh
By the time Lara Jean starts fake-dating Peter Kavinsky, Josh still hasn’t entirely worked out what their status is: Lara Jean loved him when he was dating Margot, but does she still love him? What happens when Margot gets home? Would he really chose Lara Jean over her big sister? Whose side will Kitty take? Whatever the case, Josh thinks Peter is a dumb jock and misses Lara Jean as a friend, so he has ample motive to want to break them up.
But Josh is a sweet boy who means well! He feels deeply conflicted about Margot and Lara Jean and Lara Jean’s love letter, which makes me think that he wouldn’t do anything to cause this family strife …
Verdict: Not guilty!
Josh Wearing That Hoodie
… But Josh wearing that Bon Iver hoodie, when he storms up to Lara Jean’s porch to confront Peter? Oh. Cue Cardi B: You play with him, he might pop up where you at! Hoodie Josh is the one behind those All Lives Matter tweets, so I wouldn’t put it past him to leak an almost-sex tape to break up Peter and Lara Jean.
But let’s judge this with our heads and not our hearts: Is it really plausible that he drove alone to that ski lodge? And — bear with me here — used his fake ID so he could hide out at a local bar until nightfall and, under the cloak of darkness, spy on Lara Jean and Peter? Let’s say, for argument’s sake, he does all this, but instead of taking a video of Peter entering and leaving Gen’s room, he chooses to tape Peter and LJ making out? I absolutely believe Hoodie Josh is a psychopath, but if he’d done all of this work, he would’ve at least gotten something more damning.
Verdict: Stunningly, probably innocent!
Peter Kavinsky
Listen: If Peter Kavinsky hears anything else about Lara Jean or the video, he’ll kick all of our asses. Sure, he was a little slow to defend Lara Jean’s honor or whatever, but he loves her! And that’s that on that!
Verdict: Not guilty!
Lara Jean
Lara Jean definitely went to the hot tub that night with an agenda any woman can respect: to smooch Peter Kavinsky. But could she have also enlisted Lucas or Chris to film them making out? Maybe she did it to bring them closer together, or maybe she just felt like making a sex tape! Leaking the video, however, was definitely not intentional.
Verdict: Not guilty!
That couple from Set It Up
I love Glen Powell, and have been doing everything in my power to get him a GQ cover since I saw Everybody Wants Some!! in 2016. I also love Zoey Deutch and chose her for Vulture’s Anna Delvey story dream cast. But Set It Up was a lackluster experience for me and I can’t remember this couple’s name. (Probably Grace? Probably Steve?) Perhaps these Set It Up folks got a little jealous when Peter Kavinsky and Lara Jean strolled through Netflix-ville and walked away with all of our hearts and memes. The Set It Up duo plotted to set up one couple — who’s to say they didn’t plot to break up another?
Verdict: These two are guilty of not being in To All the Boys, but not guilty of leaking the video!
Gen
Gen has motive: She dumped Peter for a college boy, and now she wants to get back together. She also hates Lara Jean and would do anything to humiliate her. Gen has means: She was also on the ski trip, openly flirting with Peter. But does Gen really have the opportunity? As Lara Jean and Peter were in the hot tub, Gen was waiting in her room for Peter to pay her a late-night visit. It doesn’t fully exonerate her, but can she be both in her room waiting for him and outside filming him kiss another girl? That said, Gen knows how to play the long game: She waited until after the ski trip to flaunt Lara Jean’s scrunchie that Peter “gave†her, so she knows how to deploy a power move at the opportune moment.
Verdict: Possible but doubtful!
Gen’s minions
I didn’t see these girls on the ski trip, but they could’ve been there in the background, laying low. Let’s say one minion is upstairs in Gen’s room, and another is outside keeping an eye on Peter and Lara Jean: entirely plausible.
Verdict: Likely, but I have reservations!
Joan
I know what you’re thinking: “Hunter,†you say. “Who is Joan.†She’s the diner waitress. “Okay,†you say, “but Joan didn’t leak the video of Peter and Lara Jean in the hot tub.†However, consider for a moment, that Joan did leak the video of Peter and Lara Jean in the hot tub.
Peter thanked Joan by name the day he met Lara Jean at the diner, trying to gently reject her advances (again). It was a charming moment, if you are into that sort of thing. Our friend Joan, I’m thinking, is extremely into that sort of thing. And she is extremely into Peter Kavinsky. And she is extremely not into the fact that Peter Kavinsky is dating Lara Jean.
So, Joan reacts as any woman besotted by Peter Kavinsky’s charm would: She eavesdrops on all of their dates at the diner, overhearing some information about the ski trip. She takes off work one weekend to follow the bus to the ski lodge, where she waits around in the hotel bar for Peter to make his way to the hot tub. She crouches in the shrubbery, waiting to see if Gen or Lara Jean joins him (Jean knows her man is a player! She likes it that way!). When it turns out to be Lara Jean, she starts rolling. She then sends the video to one of Gen’s minions, who upload it to Instagram. Because Joan works smarter not harder, she lets Gen’s workers disseminate the video and take care of the rest. When Peter and Lara Jean break up, Joan thinks, he’ll want to numb the emotional pain. And what’s better for that than a chocolate shake and the love of a good woman? Joan has motive, means, and opportunity. Case closed!