Well, the world has done its Mad Libs for the day and figured out what else it can throw at us, and here’s what we’ve gotten today: “Jeffrey Toobin Zoom Dick Incident.†That’s right, no typos there! Vice’s Motherboard reported that Toobin has been suspended from The New Yorker, where he covers law and courts, after he exposed himself on camera during a video call between the magazine and WNYC radio last week. “I made an embarrassingly stupid mistake, believing I was off camera. I apologize to my wife, family, friends and co-workers,†Toobin said in a statement to Motherboard. “I believed I was not visible on Zoom. I thought no one on the Zoom call could see me. I thought I had muted the Zoom video.â€
We’re still just as confused as you are about the specifics of the incident — namely how and why, in that order. What we do know is The New Yorker confirmed to Motherboard that Toobin has been suspended “while we investigate the matter.†CNN, where Toobin is chief legal analyst and appeared on October 17, said in its own statement that “Toobin has asked for some time off while he deals with a personal issue, which we have granted.†“Personal issue†sure is doing a lot of lifting there, huh? So, let this serve as your reminder to double-check that video mute, cover your webcam, or, you know, maybe just not pull your dick out during/right after an important video call. Is that really too much to ask?
Updated October 19, 5:50 p.m.: Motherboard has clarified that Toobin not only exposed himself, but was masturbating during the Zoom call. Two people who were on the call spoke to Motherboard anonymously, and confirmed that they “saw Toobin jerking off.†The call was an “election simulation featuring many of The New Yorker’s biggest stars,†including Toobin, role-playing as different political figures and factions. The sources saw Toobin lower the camera and touch his penis. “‘Toobin then left the call. Moments later, he called back in, seemingly unaware of what his colleagues had been able to see, and the simulation continued.’â€
And still The New Yorker running an “election simulation†in which its writers play-pretend as “far right,†“the military,†and “Donald Trump†is perhaps the most perverted thing about all of this.