25 Ways to Pronounce ‘Lindsay Lohan’

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In February 2022, Lindsay Lohan gave the world Seasonal Mandela Affective Disorder when she posted her first TikTok. “Hi everyone, it’s Lindsay Lohan,� she says, “and guess what? I’m on TikTok.� What she should have said is “Guess what? Everything you know to be true is not so,� because in that above statement, she pronounces her last name like “Lowen,� as in, rhymes with “Bowen.� Not “Lo-han,� as in, famous celebrity who we’ve all known for decades, Lindsay Lohan. Apparently, the masses had been pronouncing her name wrong this whole time, like when a professor gets your name wrong in the first week of freshman year and by the end of undergrad it’s too late to correct them and you just sort of rolled with it for four years, only on a scale of the entire world.

Apparently, for some, this was already known (rhymes with “Lohan�) information. A production memo from the 2004 set of Herbie Fully Loaded instructs crew to pronounce her surname “Lo-en like ‘Coen.’�

But on April 21, Lohan posted a preview for her upcoming podcast, “The Loh Down,� because every celebrity is now required by California State law to have their own podcast. She starts the preview, “Hello, world. It’s me, Lindsay Lohan,� with a hard h. Lohan. Lo. Han. So which is the truth? We understand that language is malleable and pronunciation is contextual; maybe Lohan just relented after her TikTok made people blog histrionically. Or maybe she’s messing with us. We don’t know what to believe anymore and we bet you don’t either, so we’ve compiled a list of 25 possible ways to address Lindsay Lohan if you ever meet her. One of them will probably take.