vulture lists

Kings, Ranked

Photo: HENRY NICHOLLS/POOL/AFP via Getty Images ; HBO; Frazer Harrison/Getty Images

Kings come in many forms: sad, bad old men; elephants; half-scorpions; rock bands; even women. For centuries, kings have saturated culture, and for decades, kings of a wide variety have saturated pop culture whether we like it or not (there really is only one we really hate, and you know who it is). In honor of this newly named king whom nobody likes, I pondered deeply about pop culture’s most relevant kings and did a little power ranking. What this is not? A ranking of every possible king in pop culture. This is a power ranking, so kings currently reigning, working, and thriving in reality and in fiction were considered. As much as I would have loved to include the hottest (but most flop) king of all time, Scar the lion, he has not been relevant in years and therefore does not have enough power to be included on this regal little list.

Without further ado: Here are kings, ranked.

14.

King Charles III

He knows what he did (he cheated on his wife, Diana Spencer, throughout their entire marriage, was not subtle about it, and made her feel like the problem). No matter how hard Netflix’s The Crown tries to get the audience to empathize with Charles, it is never going to happen. Josh O’Connor was so good in the role in seasons three and four that he had me for several minutes, but it could not make the hate go away. I wish Dominic West, the noted letter writer and next respected thespian to take on the role, well in seasons five and six.

13.

Kings of Leon

Lana Del Rey was once just a waitress wearing a tight dress, listening to Kings of Leon to the beat. In the late aughts, Kings of Leon had the culture in a choke hold. The Nashville-based rock band occupied airwaves as well as the speakers at every bar (dive or cocktail), restaurant, Forever 21, H&M, and Gap. They also lived rent free in the brains of every music supervisor in the industry: Their songs were featured on the soundtracks for Disturbia (2007), Cloverfield (2008), and August: Osage County (2013). A 2008 episode of Gossip Girl (season two, episode ten, “Bonfire of the Vanityâ€) features not one, not two, but three Kings of Leon songs: “Closer,†“Use Somebody,†“Sex on Fire.†The band’s power has dwindled over the past decade, though Del Rey’s casual but dramatic mention in “White Dress,†from her 2021 album, Chemtrails, gave them a slight power-up.

12.

King Viserys I

Blond and literally falling apart, King Viserys I loves miniature models perhaps even more than noted celeb Warhammer hobbyists Henry Cavill and Rahul Kohli. Unfortunately, King Viserys spends so much time staring at his models from his little chair that the whole “being the king†thing has become a secondary obligation. Viserys means well: He is gentle, kind, and understanding and, as such, is perhaps the most well-meaning ruler the Game of Thrones universe has ever seen. But he is also impulsive and ignorant, and his rash choices have spiraled into chaos he is unfit to manage. How could King Viserys I step up in the ranking? He could improve his communication skills with his family and maybe make models of real-world scenarios so he can prepare for the shitstorm that’s coming for his family. Also he could maybe stop sitting on the chair that is slowly but surely killing him.

11.

King Princess

At only 23 (a fake age once it happens to you), recording artist King Princess has worked with some of the best in the business, including Mark Ronson, Perfume Genius, and Fiona Apple. They have also worked with some of the worst, namely as a guest judge on Netflix’s series Is It Cake? Everybody makes mistakes, even the best of kings.

10.

Gayle King

Gayle King, news-anchor extraordinaire, is the king of maintaining a friendship for 46 years, which is exactly how long the CBS journalist has been BFFs with Oprah. King is proof you really can have it all: a busy job in media and a fulfilling personal life. Their friendship is literally as old as two of Leonardo DiCaprio’s girlfriends and just one year shy of Leonardo DiCaprio. That’s king shit right there.

9.

The Good Wife and The Good Fight creators Robert King & Michelle King

Anyone who keeps Julianna Margulies and Christine Baranski gainfully employed and consistently on TV screens is a permanent king in life and death, regardless of surname.

8.

Babar, King of the Elephants

Although he’s an unelected leader, Babar, the hero of the popular children’s-book series that has had significant influence on my personality, cares deeply for his elephant subjects and strives to make the kingdom a good place to live for everyone. Babar is a benevolent dictator who is married to his cousin, but most important, he protects his kingdom from fascist rhinos. Babar is also a fashion icon: His ensemble — green three-piece suit with white loafers, red bowtie, and a golden crown — is still, after nearly a century, a lewk. Babar might not be as prevalent today (though Rowing Blazers is trying to change that), but for many members of the millennial generation, the horrifying treatment of the elephants by the rhinos in 1989’s Babar: The Movie lives with us every day, and in the age of Paddington supremacy and the upcoming Lyle, Lyle Crocodile, animals from children’s books are having a moment, which gives Babar more power than he’s ever had.

7.

King T’Challa / Black Panther

T’Challa’s reign was short but significant and added authenticity and humanity to the bloated corporate vibes of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. The king’s stoic warmth was captured to perfection by the late Chadwick Boseman in Black Panther. The title of Black Panther will transfer to another character (most likely Letitia Wright’s Shuri) in the film’s sequel, Wakanda Forever. 

6.

Joey King

Because of Joey King and absolutely not because of her very tall co-star Jacob Elordi, I and many other self-respecting adults who claim to have taste, both personally and professionally, have seen every film in The Kissing Booth franchise. That’s more power than any king has had over anyone, I think.

5.

LeBron “King James†James

LeBron James, friend of Adele (the recording artist’s boyfriend, Rich Paul, is his manager), is so good at basketball — the most beautiful and most cinematic sport — that it’s not even annoying that he’s embraced his nickname King James. As one of the greatest basketball players of all time, James has earned the title, which unfortunately cannot be said for King Charles III.

4.

The Woman King 

The Woman King, in theaters now, tells the story of General Nanisca (played by the always electric Viola Davis) as she recruits and trains warriors of the Agojie, an all-female unit that protects the African Kingdom of Dahomey in the 1800s. The singular film is meticulously directed by Gina Prince-Bythewood, who manages to balance an emotional, culturally relevant narrative with an exciting action-heavy epic. Coyote Ugly’s Maria Bello (where is her Oscar for that!) is a producer along with Davis and has a story credit.

3.

Stephen King

The king of horror and hating adverbs. Every time I order a coffee and a courteous barista asks me how I spell my name, I say, “Like the one who murdered everyone at prom,†and they know exactly what I mean. Besides King’s influence on my everyday life, he’s reigned supreme in the entertainment industry across film, television, and books for almost five decades. King’s work is adapted and then readapted constantly, and his books are still best sellers. It (2017) and It Chapter Two (2019) dominated at the box office. Currently, there are more than several King adaptations in the works, including a (second) film adaptation of The Running Man, based on King’s 1982 novel, from Edgar Wright. Now that’s what I call king behavior.

2.

Elvis

Elvis is so hot rn. The king of rock stole the crown of “hottest real person to portray in the 2020s†from Princess Diana (The Crown, Spencer). Austin Butler played Presley in Baz Luhrmann’s chaos epic Elvis, which has taken over the culture in an unpredictable way. Butler deserves an Oscar and perhaps a Nobel Peace Prize for his illuminating, rigorous performance, and he also deserves a crown of his own. Elvis was so successful that I’ve done an Elvis-themed workout weekly and so good that Sofia Coppola is making Priscilla, a film for A24 about the musician’s wife. Unfortunately, we do have to subtract some points here: In the role of Elvis, the Coppola film will feature none other than tall Euphoria man Jacob Elordi, who (I am not sorry to say) will never be a king.

1.

Regina King

Not many can do it all, but Regina King can, from comedies like Friday to dramas like Watchmen to earning an Oscar nomination for her directorial debut, One Night in Miami, two years after winning a Best Supporting Actress Oscar for If Beale Street Could Talk. King is an icon and, as such, American royalty. The last name helps elevate her status, but all this would be true even if her last name were non-regal. And it’s not just her last name: Regina literally means “queen†in Latin, which really gives her an edge here. But name aside, King has been a consistent, warm presence in cinema and television alike since the late 1980s. In 1996, she made a permanent impact on the culture with her outstanding performance in Jerry Maguire. King remains a major player in Hollywood with her talent and drive but, most important, because she’s stayed true to herself: She’s as down to clown in absurd comedies as she is to deliver a groundbreaking dramatic performance in culturally significant projects.

Kings, Ranked