Just because Mariah Carey isn’t legally the Queen of Christmas doesn’t mean she can’t be the Queen of Christmas in our hearts. The “All I Want for Christmas Is You†singer’s application to trademark the aforementioned phrase, along with “Princess Christmas†and “QOC†(an acronym for Queen of Christmas) was flat-out denied by the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office, according to November 15 reports. With the trademark, Carey could have had total rule over the phrase, much like she does with the airwaves during the holiday season, giving her legal rights to sue anybody who dared to profit from her well-earned moniker. Lotion LLC, the singer’s company, applied for the trademark last year. Trouble for Carey’s trademark attempt began when Christmas songstress Elizabeth Chan — whom The New Yorker dubbed “Queen of Christmas†back in 2018 — filed an opposition in August to block the registration, saying that a “Queen of Christmas†trademark is a miserly way to profit off the holiday. “I feel very strongly that no one person should hold onto anything around Christmas or monopolize it in the way that Mariah seeks to in perpetuity,†Chan told Variety in August. “That’s just not the right thing to do. Christmas is for everyone. It’s meant to be shared; it’s not meant to be owned.â€
“And it’s not just about the music business,†Chan continued. “She’s trying to trademark this in every imaginable way — clothing, liquor products, masks, dog collars — it’s all over the map. If you knit a ‘queen of Christmas’ sweater, you should be able to sell it on Etsy to somebody else so they can buy it for their grandma. It’s crazy — it would have that breadth of registration.†In the end, Carey’s legal team didn’t respond to Chan’s opposition in time, so the Patent and Trademark Office did not grant her the phrase. But don’t fret, we thought of some good plan Bs:
1. The Diva of December
2. Empress of Christmas
3. Nativity Nightingale
4. Our Majesty of Christmas Madrigals (MCM for short)
5. Captain Christmas
6. Holiday Heroine
7. Christmas Overlord
8. The Belle of Billboard
9. Mariah Carey, First of Her Name, Queen of Christmas and the First Noël, Protector of the December Grocery Store Playlist, and the Mother of Horny Holiday Music
10. Yodeler of the Yuletide
11. Contessa of Carols
12. The Reason for the Season We Can Throw Ass at Holiday Parties