SVU’s “Wildlife� Is Network Procedural Mania at Its Finest

Photo: NBC

We here at Vulture are big fans of the animal kingdom. This week, inspired by the release of Strays, we’ve been celebrating some of the cream of the cinema (and TV!) creature crop.

Something beautiful happens when a procedural goes past three seasons. The first season sets everything up, the second might introduce a recurring antagonist or new love interest, and the third starts to take some big swings — maybe an explosion or a cast member leaving. But after that, as these long-running shows really start to run long, things get kooky. Nothing is off the table. Secret twins, FBI cover-ups, whole buildings exploding around our leads. And, yes, animal plots.

Nothing ungrounds a show from reality quite like getting animal actors involved. (Or in Chicago Med’s case, a giant panda puppet in season two.) There are any number of ways a creature can enter a medical, police, or legal procedural; Suits had a custody hearing over a cat. Dead fish were a key clue in a season-four episode of Bones. But we cannot ignore — if not the best, then very likely the most — animal-themed episode of procedural television: Law & Order: SVU season ten, episode seven, “Wildlife.�

In the words of Stefon, this episode has everything. It starts with Detective Stabler (Chris Meloni) getting shot. We flash back to how the Special Victims Unit got involved in animal smuggling. Stabler goes undercover, and it threatens his marriage! (Then again, what doesn’t threaten that marriage?) Then Big Boi shows up. And it ends with the weirdest still in all of SVU, of Captain Cragen (Dann Florek) comforting a monkey he has just rescued from a hollowed-out basketball.

The animal-smuggling episode of SVU is something that can only exist when shows go for 20-something episodes for years on end. Nobody’s first thought is “monkey basketball.� It’s not even anyone’s 30th thought. You have to churn through hundreds of episodes about the show’s main topic (sexual assault and crimes against children) before you get to “the guy from OutKast is an animal smuggler.� And by the way, this is years before Tiger King, so don’t for a second think this is an easy ripped-from-the-headlines episode. This is the product of network-TV mania and nothing else.

This episode belongs in a museum. In fact, let’s build one. Let’s include the hollowed-out basketball and also the painting of Cragen with the monkey, if Florek will lend it. Other items I’d include are the lawn mower from Mad Men, the Robin Hood outfits from that one episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation, and the snow globe from the finale of St. Elsewhere. Who is brave enough to help fund the Vulture Museum of TV Shenanigans? Leave your routing number in the comments, and let’s get this ball a-rolling!

Welcome to Vulture’s “TV Club,� where we select an unforgettable premiere, finale, or popular episode of a beloved series to rewatch. Our latest selection comes from writer Bethy Squires, who will be screening “Wildlife,� from season ten of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, on Vulture’s Twitter on August 18 at 7 p.m. ET. Join us to catch their live commentary.