Love Is Blind’s Aaliyah Cosby Knows She Didn’t Get a Fair Shot

Love Is Blind has seen its fair share of love triangles, but nothing compares to the one Aaliyah Cosby suddenly found herself in when her potential fiancé, Uche Okoroha, revealed he had previously been in a relationship with Lydia Velez Gonzalez, her best friend in the pods, out in the real world. The reveal made for one of the most dramatic moments in Love Is Blind history and upended Aaliyah’s relationships with Uche, Lydia, and reality. After punishing discussions about trust with Uche and an argument with Lydia, Aaliyah decided to leave the pods just hours before Uche’s planned proposal. Despite her being on the receiving end of such a dramatic twist of fate, when Aaliyah reflects on the experience, she feels at peace with losing a potential fiancé and best friend and choosing herself instead: “It definitely showed me that I’m much stronger than I give myself credit for.�

This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.

Can you walk me through your process of going on Love Is Blind? 
A friend of mine applied for me because I have been single for a while. The casting team reached out to me about a year later. It was actually a rigorous process; they wanted to make sure I was there for the right reasons. I went on the show because I was really tired of the superficial way of dating. I only lasted about two months on the apps. I’m very old-school, and I like to have conversations with people to really feel a person’s energy when I first meet them. I was really open to the unique way of dating on Love Is Blind.

How did your relationship with Uche start? 
He was my very last date on the first day. It was an instant connection. We wanted the same things; we had the same interests. He was very vulnerable with me compared with the things I’d been hearing from the other girls. He approached me with an openness I hadn’t really seen with the other men. When the poetry piece came into the picture, it was nice because a lot of people don’t lead with liking poetry. Then for him to say, “I use poetry to help me with emotional expression,� it really stood out. It showed self-awareness of things that he struggles with.

How did you feel about the conversation you had with Uche about cheating?
From the beginning, he was very inviting and told me I could be honest, so I felt comfortable sharing. As the conversation progressed, I felt very judged. I was trying to validate his feelings and let him know I understood his perspective. He was fearful that I would cheat on him. I’m a pretty sensitive person and my feelings were hurt, so I immediately shut down. I didn’t want to come off that I was trying to advocate that cheating is ever okay, because it’s not. We’re all human and we go through things in our life where we make bad decisions sometimes.

Watching the scene back on TV, it validated how I felt like I was being interrogated. It shifted from being this very open conversation to being questioned really hard. His tone of voice was intimidating. I didn’t want to say the wrong thing. I wanted to focus on the fact that I had evolved; I had grown from that incident. I’ve been in therapy, and I’ve been doing different things to become a better woman and learn how to communicate. It just never got to that point because of how condescending it was.

How did you feel about Uche’s confession that he’d kept his relationship with Lydia a secret, especially after the discussions of honesty?
I didn’t even notice until other people were focusing on that part when it aired. I try not to keep a tally of things that happen in the relationship. We had gotten past the cheating discussion at that point. My mind didn’t go back to that infidelity conversation when he revealed to me that he used to date Lydia. It was actually more about “How am I going to feel comfortable moving forward with you?� I also wondered how we would establish trust in the relationship when he was keeping this from me.

Can you talk about your decision to leave the experiment?
I decided to leave after an emotional moment occurred between Lydia and I, where I told her she could have Uche back if it didn’t work out between us and she got upset with me. I’d had this gut feeling that I didn’t want to move forward in an engagement like that. I only want to be engaged and married once. I wanted to make sure I was 100 percent emotionally secure with Uche, and I didn’t feel that. I had a moment where I was like, This isn’t really what I want. We needed more time to be in a relationship.

Did you know he was going to propose on the next date?
Earlier, we discussed that we were going to leave the experiment together, so I knew his intentions were to propose.

What did the conversations with producers look like when you told them you wanted to leave? 
The producers were encouraging Uche and I to communicate on how we wanted to proceed with our relationship. They wanted us to decide on what we wanted to do together. But I realized I had to do something for myself, and I left. I felt Uche wouldn’t have been able to fully understand how I felt. You can see him saying, “This is even more difficult for me than it is for you.� Maybe it’s difficult for you, but I’m interacting with both Uche and Lydia. That’s not the same thing. He couldn’t understand that Lydia was not respecting my boundaries. That’s why I didn’t feel like it was going to help to have another conversation. I probably could have communicated a little more, and that’s the only thing I wish I did differently. I knew in the end that I was going to have to make the decision for myself whether Uche or anybody else understood.

You mentioned a conversation with Lydia that factored into your decision to leave. Can you talk a little bit about how that went?
Leading up to the moment when I did make that comment to her, I had really done my best to be patient. I had a moment where I said, “Look, if this doesn’t work out, because it feels as though you’re here to get him back, you can have him.� That was a moment for me saying, “If you want him back, here you go.� She snapped because she did not like that comment. I just kind of had a human moment. After I said that comment, she made a comment towards me that was inappropriate, and I said I can’t do this anymore.

There were times, even off camera, when I would tell her I didn’t want to hear about things with Uche. I didn’t want to be in between these people. I didn’t feel respected or considered or comfortable. Things aren’t adding up. I don’t feel the emotional security with Uche. There were too many things that made me feel this wasn’t right.

When did the phone call with Uche happen in relation to your leaving the pods?
It was within the same day that I left. I was still very emotional about the decision. I knew Uche was going to be blindsided by it; even still, I didn’t expect his reaction. I did tell him it wasn’t that I didn’t want to be with him, but he took it as “You just left me.� We’ve had a lot of conversations about it, and now we understand what the other was going through emotionally. We’ve been able to give each other grace and move forward, but it wasn’t easy at the time.

How did you and Uche start talking again after the pods?
When Uche and I first spoke, he was very emotional and angry, and his reaction made me nervous. I didn’t know how much more of that angry response I could handle. I did prevent communication with him for a little bit, and once I felt like he had calmed down, I opened the lines up. I told him, “Hey, when you’re ready to have a conversation, I’m open to that.�

We tried to go on dates to see if we could rekindle our relationship, but the trust wasn’t there. I couldn’t tell if he was telling the truth.

Did you feel like you had a fair shot at the full experiment experience?
I think it’s fair to say that no, I didn’t have an authentic experience. I wanted that, and it would’ve meant so much to me to have that.

How did your friendship with Lydia start? You two seemed really close.
Lydia and I had shared some really heartfelt deep conversations prior to the filming process. That’s how the bond was created. I think people should have a little bit more grace for her. We all do things out of love that people don’t quite understand. I think she really felt for Uche and had a deep connection to him. I don’t know the ins and outs of their relationship, I just know what she told me. I didn’t really ask her much about that, but following the filming, she did share that they had had a pretty complicated history.

Uche claims Lydia plotted to be on the show with him. After going through the entire experience, do you think there’s any merit to that?
I’m not sure. I can understand why he may feel that way. He alluded to that a few times. That’s something they can both speak on. I hope that one day Lydia can feel comfortable enough to really and truly tell us how this happened. Also, the tone of the first interaction between Uche and Lydia — like, why was she willing to try again if you both had moved on?

Is there any part of Lydia and Uche’s relationship you still want clarification on?
No. There is probably more to elaborate on if they choose to. There’s still a lot of unanswered questions. But I feel totally at peace with what I know.

Have you and Lydia spoken since the pods? What’s the status of the friendship? 
I haven’t spoken to her recently. We’ve spoken a couple of times following filming. It was a very mature conversation. She and I have mutual respect for one another. I wish her the best; I want her to be happy. I feel like she wants the same for me. She understood that our friendship wasn’t going to be the same.