It’s always an exciting day for Bravo fans when the trailer drops for a new Real Housewives season. But today’s trailer for the upcoming 13th season of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, which premieres October 25, is less about coming attractions and more a distillation of what’s been going on in the fandom since this summer. Yes, it’s all about piecing together what exactly is going on with Kyle Richards and Mauricio Umansky (who has one hell of a jive).
The trailer begins with the news of their separation coming out and, just like all of us, the Housewives can’t believe that they’re actually breaking up. After Kyle tearfully addresses her angst about how awful we all feel in Erika Jayne’s new kitchen (Is that a new house? Did Erika move?), we slip into the usual rhythm of a Housewives trailer: “Oooooh, look how fun we are. We’re going to Vegas. Oh, there are male strippers. Yassssss. Slaaaayyyyy. You wanna go to Barth-elona? I wanna go to Barth-elona!â€
As it always does, the trailer soon takes a turn for the dramatic courtesy of new Housewife Annemarie Wiley. She tells Crystal, “Know what else I want from you? A thank-you for giving you something to talk about and making your ass relevant.†I don’t know. It’s very Angie K coded and I don’t like it one bit. The beef must not be beefing, though, because we see more of Denise Richards in the trailer than either of them.
Yes, she’s back and she and Erika are throwing down. It’s not clear why, and I don’t remember them having beef when Denise was last on the show, but who knows. Erika has been telling a story about getting into it with Denise at a weed dinner party, so I can’t wait to see that. And yes, that was the fallen St. Camille of Grammer behind Denise. She returns this season along with Cynthia Bailey, Larsa Pippen, and Kim Richards, none of whom made the trailer. Denise stays winning.
The best thing about the whole trailer is Dorit’s new brunette color, but sadly we have to look at it while her husband PK, what a nostril would look like if it turned inside out, says, “There are elements [of your PTSD] I understand and elements I consider more obnoxious.â€
That’s not the most brutal thing that happens, though. It’s not even the second most brutal, which is one of Garcelle’s sons saying that he needed her to be a mother to him two years ago. Oof. And still, still, there’s something more brutal. As the trailer turns back to the alleged affair between Kyle and Morgan Wade and the women speculating about it, Mauricio jokes that at least it’s Kyle out there having an affair. She replies, “For once it’s me.â€
Damn, Kyle cleared and Mauricio didn’t even know he was playing. But what exactly does she mean? Does she mean she is actually having an affair and that Mo has had a bunch? Does she mean that the rumors are about her this time instead of the multiple times the same rumor has swirled about her partner? (Remember Lisa Vanderpump trying to make Brandi Glanville bring tabloids about Mauricio’s cheating on a group trip way back in season four?) Or does she mean that she knows it’s a joke about her affair, but she’s not joking about all his affairs? I can’t wait for all of the context.
The Morgan and Kyle stuff looks even worse. Turns out the new K tattoo that Morgan was sporting wasn’t just for Kyle’s name — Kyle is actually the one who put the tattoo on her. That seems very, well, intimate. And Kyle and Mo assembling all their daughters to talk about how strong of a family they are doesn’t seem like a great sign.
I really can’t wait to find out what all of this is about — which, duh, is the point of a trailer — but also to get some new context. There has to be more to this season, right? It can’t be just divorce stuff because, damn, if we found out all of the drama months ago, I’m gonna be pissed.