Succession did a lot of things right — hiring Nicholas Britell to compose its instantly delectable theme music and score the show, turning Mr. Darcy into the sniveling sycophant that is Tom Wambsgans, making Willa write the flop play Sands that bankrupts her sugar daddy. For all I can tell, the only thing that it did wrong was exclude that ludicrously capacious bag from its online auction of random Succession props. The bag in question belongs to one of Greg’s Tinder dates whom he invited to a family event, only for Tom to eviscerate her new-money styling choice of massive designer purse. So, what is included on the auction block? For the fashion girlies, you can find a Proenza Schouler black crêpe tank paired with matching leather square-toe sandals and white wide-leg slacks worn by Naomi Pierce. There’s that mascot costume Greg threw up in during the pilot. Tom’s “Prison Consultation Binder†for the time when the executive thought he would take the fall for the cruises fiasco. But, in the spirit of the seasons, we’ve prepared a little ditty, sung to the tune of “The 12 Days of Christmas,†to highlight the amazing offerings. Bidding ends January 13.
12 “Boar on the Floor†Shot Glasses
Used in season two’s third episode, “Hunting,†that same episode Logan invented the aforementioned game of humiliating his subordinates by making the little piggies fight over sausage, the original lot includes the plastic production sausages (4), a red boar tag seen on the animal killed earlier that day (1), and the production binder (1).
11 Rolls of Bereavement Stickers
Logan died, so his failed presidential candidate son, Connor Roy, had to find a means to organize claims to the stuff the late CEO left behind in his Fifth Avenue townhouse. He figured each sibling could claim a sticker roll and tag their preferred objects with it. A useful item at your next bereavement?
10 Waystar Studios Adventure Parks Mousepads
Repping merch from the same Waystar division that called all those women on their cruises. This must be why they’re offloading the merch at bargain basement prices …
9 Kendall Roy Balaclava Masks
According to the description, production made these monstrosities. It does not explain why. All we know is the eyes of each have been cut out, and there are no noticeable defects.
8 Range Rover License Plates
Another lot from the “Boar on the Floor†episode. Re-create corporate harassment and malfeasance with these fine items!
7 Kendall Roy Headshots
Carry them in your purse like K-pop photo cards.
6 Election Newspapers
Favorite headline from Logan’s rag, the NY Globe: “‘Generous with your taxes, selfish in the sack!’ Jiménez ex tells all.â€
5 Sands Playbills
If you close your eyes, clutch the five playbills, and say Sands three times fast, the play will materialize on real-life Broadway, and we can all experience the rapture that is Willa’s play.
4 Bottles of Biodynamic Wine
Try the screw-top wine that offended Tom so. Information, Tom once said, it’s like a fine bottle of wine: “You store it, you hoard it, you save it for a special occasion, and then you smash someone’s fucking face in with it.†Because this wine is reportedly shit, it must not meet the standards to use as a cudgel against your enemies.
3 Office Frames
Logan’s newspapers get another shoutout. This time, one of the headline’s is “Rot in Pieces,†with the letters RIP highlighted, reporting on the death of Bin Laden. TBH, the vibes of this lot is a little rancid, what with the other newspaper celebrating Brexit: “F**K EU, Europe!†Succession, always blurring the fine line between satire and reality.
2 Coke Bullets
Greg is once again peer pressured into doing drugs with Tom, this time on election day in Season 4. Fill these with your favorite substance, whatever will get you through January.
1 New York Magazine Cover
Mom, we’re famous.