And that’s the end of another season of The Single Life! Who would’ve guessed when this all started that Deb would be the only person to walk away in a happy, fulfilling relationship? It looks like the rest of the cast will join us next season, because they all end where they started. Technically, Caesar is also still with Alona, but that relationship feels about as realistic as Natalie’s tears.
What did we learn from Caesar this season? It is likely that true love can be found through a translator app, I guess. As a montage of Caesar and Alona’s intimate moments begins, we see all three moments they had together: Alona talked about working out, and he asked her to be his girlfriend. A love story for the ages. It’s obvious Caesar would refinance his house to bring Alona to America, but I don’t think she really wants to move. At the very least, Alona does seem like a sweet girl, and I don’t think she wants to actively use Caesar for his money. If the most we can hope for is that Caesar isn’t in another extortion scam, that’s pretty good for him.
Tiffany felt like a jolt of energy when she joined the season a few episodes in, but here she is in South Africa again. Ronald is sleeping on the couch, but she starts getting soft when he points out that he bought more pillows. He’s a grown man, Tiffany; pillows shouldn’t be impressive. He insists they talk about their relationship, but he can’t even respect her decision to sleep in separate spaces. He groans and grunts like a teenager throwing a tantrum. It’d be interesting if Tiffany left Carly with his mom and Ronald really had to be a parent. For Tiffany, that’s what this trip is about. Ronald has other plans. I think a week alone with diapers and feedings would have him putting Tiffany and Carly on the next flight home.
Natalie made a last-minute bid to get her ex, Mike, back, and it failed. Despite the tears, Mike sends Natalie packing as his mother looks on in the background with her full evil eye activated. Natalie never had an answer to their questions. Why did she leave? Why did she start seeing other people? Natalie thinks she’s more charming and sophisticated than she is, I guess. There’s no way she thought crying and some violets were enough to forgive her! Also, they were the same flowers she originally gave to Mike, so she just brought them both one set of flowers! Cheap move, Natalie. Anyway, I absolutely want to see what she does next.
The bulk of the episode focuses on Tiffany, but Tania and Veronica follow in Natalie’s footsteps and show little growth or change by the end of the season. Veronica still relies on her relationship with Tim for emotional support and involvement in this series. I’ll never know why Pillow Talk wasn’t enough, but I’m not curious about the rest of her romantic journey. Maybe I will be if she falls in love with someone who lives in another country. Tania did her spiritual cleanse last week, but we’ll have to wait until next week’s Tell All to see if it actually took. Do I trust Shaun Robinson to bring Syngin with her? Absolutely, and that’ll be the true test. Also, if you wanted a Syngin update, he is still in a relationship and has that OnlyFans.
Finally, Debbie packs up her apartment and moves to Canada. She leaves Colt a beautiful letter saying she’ll always care about him. I have a feeling Colt will resent this and be angry, but who cares? She found a real connection, and it’s true that it’s never too late for love. I hope future seasons focus more on this perspective than pure drama. I am happy Debbie has someone to take walks with. There are plenty of people in the 90 Day universe who match Debbie’s energy, and I’d like more of that.
If Debbie is this spinoff’s best outcome, we can officially say this is primarily a space for the franchise’s trash. If 90 Day Fiancé is a universe, somewhere in that universe, there must exist a planet made up entirely of every other planet’s waste. The Single Life is mostly an excuse to throw the most entertaining and messy people together. If Michael and Angela ever do break up, this is a safety net that exists for viewers and ratings outside of sense or logic. Who deserves that net? Probably not people like Big Ed, Caesar, or Natalie, but I’m happy to see Tiffany give it another shot. Maybe put Mike on next season!
Anyway, here I am, dedicated to my annual trip to Trash Planet. I recommend it to friends who want to see people bring vibrators on first dates or older people fall in love. If you’re a 90 Day completist, The Single Life has become a must-watch that at least deserves a weekend binge. Every planet needs a logical way to reduce, reuse, and recycle. The Single Life still occasionally makes something you’d like to have around the house.
90 Day Notes
• Ronald still has weird control and rage issues, right? I hate his glasses, and I think he wears them to look nicer.
• That meal Caesar made looked awful. I would like for TLC to get out of the Caesar business.
• Natalie truly seemed shocked Mike didn’t beg her to stay. Girl, you barely brought an apology! I guess she still has Josh?
• That’s the end of this season! The next two episodes are the Tell All, and I promise you, it’s great. Thanks for joining this season, and I hope your single lives are better than those depicted here.