We’ve spent so long pondering Janine and Gregory’s will they/won’t they, that it was about time Abbott introduced a new romance (or two) into the mix, and this week, it’s an unlikely but adorable pairing that brings the cute factor to the show. It’s a slow but sweet episode, snuck in after the season began with a bang, but before the show begins to churn out the inevitable shiny guest stars and debuts the greatly anticipated It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia crossover. It might not be bursting at the seams with brilliant jokes, but, as I’ve written before, it achieves Quinta Brunson’s goal of providing a wholesome network television experience that we can count on week after week for quality entertainment. This week, shenanigans ensue when, against her better judgment, Melissa becomes besotted with a chubby guinea pig named Sweet Cheeks, while Ava tries to con her way into keeping illicitly donated computers without the district finding out.
Sweet Cheeks finds his way into Melissa’s arms after Janine asks the district for more funding to expand Abbott’s after-school programs, so they give a whopping $50, which she splurges at the pet store for cute creatures for the kids. She packs the library with cages and fish tanks, distributing the little pets among the staff — naturally, Barbara gets a striking beta fish, and Gregory ecstatically claims a pet rock and names him D’Wayne. Melissa declines the opportunity, explaining that she didn’t grow up with pets and frowning at the idea of a stinky, helpless being in her classroom … especially one that could die, leaving her with the task of explaining death to her students. Janine insists, warning Melissa that it would be unfair if her kids were the only ones in the school without a pet. Melissa concedes, agreeing to take in the guinea pig as long as Janine takes responsibility for caring for the animal.
Janine and Sweet Cheeks have an immediately contentious relationship, with the rodent nipping at her fingers as she sets it up in a cage in Melissa’s classroom. Sweet Cheeks’s disdain for Janine piques Melissa’s interest as she reluctantly picks up the creature, surprised that she’s met without any resistance. From there, Melissa’s affection for Sweet Cheeks blossoms as she goes to the pet store for treats and organic food before painstakingly making a miniature house out of Popsicle sticks, all before the school day is over. She reports back to Janine with an air of annoyance and inconvenience as if this is the whole reason she didn’t want a class pet. She tells the documentary crew she doesn’t have time to work and “take care of some rat†while the camera shows us a different story of Melissa feeding and cuddling with Sweet Cheeks behind closed doors, even feeding him carrots out of her mouth baby-bird style.
Melissa tries to keep up the charade that Sweet Cheeks is a disturbance to her routine until Janine reminds her that she won’t have to deal with the guinea pig over the weekend, as the students get to take turns caring for the pet at home. Distraught over the thought of leaving little Sweet Cheeks with a student — especially the one who proudly admits to not feeling pain as he plays five-finger fillet with a sharpened pencil — Melissa concocts a story that the guinea pig died. Janine offers to set Melissa up with grief counseling (LOL), but Melissa assures she just needs to eat some ribs and vibe out to The Real Housewives, and besides, she needs to get her carpets cleaned that night. Jacob inadvertently blows Melissa’s cover when he shares with Janine that his roommate is “getting her carpets cleaned†in a different way as she has a date that evening. He spills that Melissa is “really into†this guy, and her nickname for him is Sweet Cheeks, which immediately lets Janine know what’s going on. She runs outside the school just in time to see Melissa and Sweet Cheeks driving away for their weekend of bliss.
As Melissa and Sweet Cheeks fall madly in love, Ava facilitates the installation of new computers in the school, which comes as a bribe from the lawyer representing the company building a golf course a few blocks from the school. Ava firmly reiterates to the teachers not to disclose the origins of the computers, as they aren’t technically allowed to accept donated computers, let alone bribes. But, for the computers to work at the school, the district needs to provide specific software, and the district won’t service PCs that don’t belong to them. Ava devises a plan to work around this obstacle by essentially gaslighting the district into thinking Abbott had the computers for years, and they were the ones who lost the ticket to get them serviced, dropping the ball once again. Ava says her plan is not gaslighting, just creating “doubt and confusion by creating a memory that doesn’t exist,†which is merely a roadblock to getting the kids new technology. However, it’s precisely how new the technology is that shoots Ava in the foot once the IT technician comes to the school. She emphasizes to Barbara and Jacob that they must remain mum about the bribe, preferably playing dumb (Barbara questioning exactly what an email is was great) until the technician leaves.
No one anticipated that the technician would be a certified hottie named O’Shon with adorable glasses, a perfect face, and a ripped body. Jacob immediately melts, awkwardly putting on an Irish accent as he addresses him, while Barbara proclaims how he puts the “form†in “information technology.†Ava conspicuously denies O’Shon’s attractiveness, paying him dust as he goes from room to room installing the software. But as O’Shon realizes how cutting-edge the technology is on the computers, he questions how they ended up at a school in a district that could only divvy $50 for extracurriculars. The biggest smoking gun is on Ava’s PC, where the editing and special-effects software are high-powered enough to create a feature film (naturally, she’s using it to make a series of deepfakes of Janine). She lets it slip that her computer has a 14th-generation processor, confirming to O’Shon that the district couldn’t have provided the technology as they don’t have the budget for a 14th generation of anything. He tries to confront Ava in the library, but seeing how happy the kids are with their new computers, he loses his edge.
When the teachers reconvene the next day, Janine interrogates Melissa in the office, asking her version of leading questions (the questions were leading nowhere, but Gregory got her back on track) to try to get Melissa to come clean. She cuts to the chase, asking what nefarious reasons could be behind Melissa faking Sweet Cheeks’s death, like “flipping him for profit†or wiring his wheel to her house so she “never has to pay for electricity again.†Melissa breaks down and admits she’s grown to love Sweet Cheeks and couldn’t bear leaving him in the care of second-graders. Janine threatens to tell Melissa’s students the truth if she doesn’t bring back the guinea pig. Melissa knows it’s the right thing to do but confides to Gregory that she didn’t expect to have such strong feelings for Sweet Cheeks, and she doesn’t trust the kids to care for him. Gregory uses Melissa’s own advice against her, reminding her of the time she told him that to be the best teacher he can be, he needs to open himself up to more than what he thought he owed to the students. He regurgitates her words, saying, “It’ll be scary because they make mistakes, but watching them grow from those mistakes is worth it every time.†Melissa brings Sweet Cheeks back to the classroom after trying to convince her students that it’s a new guinea pig and, after a series of strict instructions, turns caring for him into a joint effort.
O’Shon returns to Abbott, accosting Ava until she reveals how she acquired such cutting-edge technology, saying he’ll have to report the computers as stolen if she doesn’t tell the truth. Ava fesses up to the bribe, but that doesn’t mean she backs down — she sternly tells O’Shon that no matter what, she’ll find a way for her kids to have computers. He softens to the idea of scheming as a way to give the best to the students at Abbott, but demands they do it his way. O’Shon gathers the staff in the library, letting them know that to keep the bribe under wraps, they must submit every help ticket directly to his office. As he speaks to them, he grows increasingly hot (thank you, Cree Summer/Ms. Inez, for turning up the thermostat) and starts to take off his jacket and glasses like in a 2000s teen romance, revealing his near-perfect good looks as Ava looks on appreciatively. Mr. Johnson starts humming “Kiss Me†(you know, that song from She’s All That), picking up on the obvious chemistry between O’Shon and Ava, despite Ava’s attempts to deny O’Shon’s beauty. A new relationship appears to be on the horizon — or, at least, one can hope, as I’d selfishly love to see O’Shon again!
Teacher’s Notes
• I loved this week’s cold open. Not only was it hilarious to watch Ja’Quan steal the computers in the millisecond the staff took their eyes off of them, but it was also realistic compared to my experience growing up in a neighborhood that may be rough, but the community is strong. There are Barbaras everywhere who still see you as a fresh-faced kindergartner and aren’t afraid to call your mama when you’re trying to act tough in the streets!
This recap has been updated.