Mom? Can you pick me up? I’m scared of this week’s charter guests and their dynamic.
Imagine being out at sea on a luxurious yacht equipped with a private chef, only to skip dinner entirely. I already forgot how many guests total were onboard, but only four showed up to the BDSM-themed dinner. Also, I didn’t even realize there was a third man (apparently named John) until their trip ended. Did anyone else catch a glimpse of him throughout the charter? I digress.
This dinner situation is a red flag. For this many to skip a decadent meal means the vibes are off and the women want to spend as little time as possible with Eric and Jonathan. To be clear: I do not blame them and would follow their lead. Imagine sitting next to a latex-clad Jonathan who insists on using a gravelly Batman voice. How depressing. It would just remind me that I am next to not Robert Pattinson but a lecherous old Instagram man. Hannah calling their dinner “classy†— and “not gimmicky†— did give me a laugh.
Things only got worse the next morning. Eric is never not photographing the girls, taking creepy pictures as they eat breakfast and even creepier videos as they join Jonathan for a group workout. I’m almost surprised Bravo let this trip happen? At least they end up leaving the biggest tip of the season! Either John or Jonathan (again, I don’t know the difference between the two) makes a lewd comment about wanting to “do†one of the women’s glutes. Eric says the idea is to turn them all over and get their swimsuits off … As Kyle observes, “Something is fishy… and it’s not the ocean.†Mzi notices this too, asking Courtney if she feels comfortable working out with the primary.
The rest of the guests can’t hop on the Jet Skis fast enough, presumably to escape from Jonathan and Eric, but they end up crashing into the side of the yacht. No harm, no foul, though, and Storm asking Sandy if he can file an incident report shows a sweet and fastidious side of him. Captain Sandy laughs because, well, there was no incident! But she’s happy with Storm’s initiative and transparency.
Whom is she not happy with? Kyle. Captain Sandy catches stew No. 2 shit-talking Natalya and tells him to cut it out. I think she handles the moment with the perfect balance of sternness and grace. She doesn’t go too hard on Kyle, but she’s firm enough to make an impact. Enough of an impact that Kyle apologizes to Natalya in the laundry room. This surprised me! Good for Kyle. Also, his apology is funny. Is it necessary to tell Natalya that you called her a bitch behind her back to Dave? No, but Kyle reveals this in such a cheeky yet honest way that I have to applaud the decision. For a split second I even thought there would be smooth sailing, then I remembered that Natasha is unhinged and that fantasy instantly shattered. Natalya says she doesn’t know why Kyle is saying sorry when it’s Natalya who is being the disrespectful one. This is an extremely toxic point of view. Natasha also remarks that Dave is “back to his old self.†Hmmm, Natasha, I wonder why. Probably because he’s free from your mind games! Though I think seeing Tash in her BDSM getup set his progress back a few markers.
We watch Tash and Kyle clean for the first time … this whole season … overnight and I feel something like hope permeate my body at the suggestion things will look different as we approach the back half of the season. Once again, this naïveté comes to bite me in the ass. Fast-forward to the end of the episode, when Storm exposes Kyle’s reason for apologizing to Natalya: Captain Sandy catching his loose lips. Storm! Why did you throw a wrench in our one moment of peace? Your relationship with Natalya is confusing enough, with that cuddling in bed and whatnot — why are you now starting public drama over her honor? I am already bored by how this will pan out next week!
I guess it’s time to talk about Reid. He’s a small-town farm boy if we’ve ever seen one, and he almost jeopardized his spot among the deckies on his second day. Courtney jokes around with him, asking him who onboard he fancies besides herself, of course. He deadpans that she has an undiagnosed case of narcissism and when she asks what narcissism is, he summarizes the Greek myth, telling Courtney that it’s a love of oneself so deep that it can kill a person. This strikes a chord. Courtney rejects this outright, and in her confessional she breaks down in sobs because of her intense self-hatred. Mzi comforts her, and she weeps and frets over the possibility of other people thinking she’s conceited and self-centered, when in reality she’s deeply insecure. Reid fucked up, and he knows it. He addresses it with her in the kitchen, and when she tries to undermine his effort, he stops her right in her tracks. It’s not okay, and he wants to apologize and make it right.
I can tell Reid feels genuinely bad for offending Courtney. I think he means well, but he suffers from an extreme case of social awkwardness. At dinner, he apologizes again. At first, it seems like he’s going too far, but then he launches into a cute pep talk, which seems to make a difference on the Courtney front. Courtney accepts his apology, and I’ll be honest, I let out a huge sigh of relief. I simply cannot have more drama on the deck side of things, not when the rest of the family is deeply dysfunctional!