overnights

Below Deck Mediterranean Recap: The Harder They Fall

Below Deck Mediterranean

The Fall Guy
Season 7 Episode 17
Editor’s Rating 3 stars

Below Deck Mediterranean

The Fall Guy
Season 7 Episode 17
Editor’s Rating 3 stars
Photo: Bravo

In the immediate aftermath of his fall, poor Kyle is on the ground writhing and moaning in pain. The interior rallies around him and wakes up Captain Sandy, who is wearing her cute little gray Henley, to alert her to the accident. Storm helps Kyle shuffle off the boat and into a car so he can head to the hospital and get an X-ray at a quarter past midnight.

Natalya and Natasha are now forced to work together late into the night while Captain Sandy putters about and waits for news. When Kyle returns at four in the morning, we learn he strained some ligaments in his foot and should be on bed rest for seven days. That’s not going to fly, and everyone knows it. Nat and Tash commence a 20-hour shift sans Kyle, and this is probably the first time Tash has matched Nat’s workload all season. And not only are they a man down, they’re still stuck at the dock, which only increases the pressure on the interior team. Tash asks Kyle to at least help blow up balloons, and watching him hobble over to the galley to fill balloons with helium is deeply tragic. Tash confesses that she knows she must replace him but she’s dreading it. I am proud of her for finally addressing this with Sandy, who immediately puts in a request for a new hire. We are T-minus 36 hours from a new cast member! How the mighty have fallen …

Natasha breaks the news to Kyle and they’re both devastated. He doesn’t want to be replaced, but what else can they do? Losing Kyle will catapult Tash into the Bad Place, and she admits as much. She complains that she has had to deal with Natalya disrespecting her (not true) and Dave having issues with her all season long, but at least she’s had her emotional-support stew, Kyle. She doesn’t know how she’ll cope without him, and to be honest, I don’t know how she will either. Maybe Tash needs this, though, so she can learn her own strength; she’s “on her own,†so to speak, and will have to rely on herself to get through moments of discomfort instead of turning to Kyle as a shoulder to cry on. I am nervous to see how a new stew will affect this already fragile and frayed crew and how she’ll deal with Tash’s management style. From the preview, it looks like we’re getting a prima donna, and I sense there will be some passive aggression and cattiness among the new interior team. I hope I am wrong!

After the service from hell, Captain Sandy scolds Tash and Dave, telling them to pack away their issues so they can get through the next charter. They seem to listen, but with these two, are we ever really sure? I am confused about why Dave is so deeply and madly in love with Tash. They were together for like five minutes total. Just move on!

The guests aren’t as bad as they were in the previous episode, but disliking fish as a grown-up is so unserious. Poor Dave enters a birthday dinner service that is fish-forward, only to find out the birthday girl and her mama aren’t fish eaters. Dave may be dramatic, but he is thorough so I have no choice but to believe these guests didn’t note this on their preference sheets. The husband spoon-feeds sea bream to his wife, who manages to choke it down. Seriously? You’re at sea, literally swimming and sleeping with the fishes. What did you think was going to be on the menu? At least Lila learns she actually likes fish and compliments Dave on changing her mind about it.

After dinner ends, these guests want to party “frat†style, and honestly, Reid is the perfect man for the job. He finds and installs a stripper pole ASAP, and that’s exactly what these girls are looking for. Then the entire group decides to conga-line through the boat, making a pit stop in the galley where Natalya and Tash are on hour 18 or 19 of work. On the subject of housekeeping, can we also talk about the self-tanner (or is it foundation?) stains all over the sheets and pillowcases? Nat wins best line with “Buy a fucking makeup wipe for Chrissake!â€

By the grace of God, we’re able to leave the dock the next morning. The guests cram three days’ worth of water sports into one afternoon and seem genuinely happy. They leave a decent tip ($18,000), and I am sorry for ever assuming they wouldn’t. Storm and Nat share a tender moment in the laundry room. Their relationship is giving summer-camp boyfriend-girlfriend who are destined to break up once they return to their real lives, but you can’t blame these two crazy kids for trying.

As for the anchor catching on the pipe? Boring. I don’t care about it. Stressful for approximately ten seconds, but all’s well that ends well.

Below Deck Mediterranean Recap: The Harder They Fall