Often there comes a time in a series’ life span when it must part with its beloved and find its way with someone new. As in life, that transition doesn’t always go smoothly, and fans begin to long for the way things were. It happened with the later seasons of Seinfeld, and, in a sense, it happened with Curb: While Larry David has stayed at the helm, the series saw a changing of the guard when Jeff Schaffer started replacing Robert B. Weide as the show’s go-to director. While Weide returned for some of Curb’s all-time-great episodes (“Palestinian Chicken†being one of them), the later seasons started taking on a slightly different tenor, with more exaggerated acting, music, and editing — a departure from Curb’s signature acid-tongued, improvisational quality. The results were not necessarily better or worse, but they made for a more lighthearted, cartoonish show, playing up the slapstick and dialing down the obnoxious banter. But just as Larry returned for Seinfeld’s finale — something no one lets him forget — it seems Weide has been recruited as something of a relief pitcher in the ninth inning. And it’s likely because of Weide that this week’s episode has such natural pacing, genuine laughs, and clever plotting that it feels like early Curb all over again.
We begin with Larry meeting with his lawyer, Mantle, who I thought would surely never work with Larry again after he nearly ruined his marriage over the name of his child. It’s a pleasure to see Sean Hayes return in this role; his lawyerly self-seriousness makes him a perfect foil for Larry as he prepares for a trial he just can’t take seriously. Larry undergoing a mock trial is Larry at his most unfocused and obnoxious. Unshockingly, he’s found guilty; Larry is convinced it’s because one of the jurors saw him toss his keys to the valet, thus perceiving him as a “big shot.†(“Nobody likes a big shot.â€)
Meanwhile, Jeff, who is about to get back surgery, asks Larry to take over the power of attorney from Susie, who he doesn’t trust with his life. “Who knows?†he says. “Maybe on the way there we get into a fight, which is more than likely.†And is he wrong? Larry agrees. When Susie walks in, verging on Baddiewinkle territory in a floral crocheted top over a hot-pink turtleneck, she praises Jeff for eating a salad. Susie Essman is the gift that keeps on giving; whether she’s tearing Jeff down or giving him pointed compliments, she infuses their relationship with such hilarious volatility that they’ve become one of TV’s truly great odd couples. Richard, who has lost his sense of smell due to long COVID, asks Larry to accompany him to see a vintage car and be his “nose†in case it smells weird. Since Larry doesn’t want his beloved cheese from the Beverly Hills Cheese Shop to sit in the car while he’s there, he asks Susie if he can keep it in their refrigerator until he returns to pick it up.
Lest we forget this is the final season of Curb, we get not one but two celebrity cameos this week: Conan O’Brien as himself walking a Dalmatian in the neighborhood, and Steve Buscemi as Mike DiCarlo, a sleazy divorcé trying to sell his old Mercedes to Richard. It’s a slight shame we don’t get to see Steve Buscemi as Steve Buscemi, though he’s pretty well cast as someone trying to sell a car that reeks of stale cigarettes. After a hysterical exchange between Richard and Larry about how to do a proper “come here†head nod — every scene with Richard now makes me want to crack up and sob at the same time — Larry insists “there’s a smell.†The whole exchange is lifted straight from the Seinfeld “Smelly Car†episode, which also involves a valet. (The valet attendant leaves an awful smell in Jerry’s car, forcing him to get it “deionized.â€) Larry confronts DiCarlo about the smell, and, per Richard’s request, asks for a “smell discount,†but he refuses. When Larry declines the car offer, DiCarlo complains about his shitty day, and Larry makes a joke so random and so heinous it could only come from him: “Hey, things could be worse. You could have a colostomy bag.â€
When Larry goes with Jeff to meet his lawyer, who happens to work in the same building as Mantle, he decides to confront the valet guy for influencing the jury on his mock trial. The attendant’s response is one for the books: “There are two people in the valet world, sir. Handers and tossers. And you’re a tosser.†Another Seinfeld reference comes when Larry signs the documents and marvels at Jeff’s lawyer’s pen. (He refuses to let Larry keep the pen, resisting the “I like it gambit.â€) While they’re with the lawyer, Jeff receives a text from a friend indicating DiCarlo had stomach surgery a few months back. Larry immediately assumes DiCarlo’s “got the bag†and he’s made a horrible joke, and launches a quest to fix his mistake. “What can I do for this guy?†he wonders. “Can I buy him a new bag? Like a really expensive — like a Louis Vuitton colostomy bag?†(Nicolas Ghesquière, this is your sign to make a Louis Vuitton colostomy bag.)
When Larry returns to Susie and Jeff’s house the next day, he finds out they ate his beloved Vonderdonk cheese. Vonderdonk is not a real cheese, but it sure sounds like one. It’s clear, though, it’s a Swiss cheese, which makes it extra-funny that Jeff doesn’t know the difference between Sweden and Switzerland — a mistake way more common among Americans than you might expect. (Side note: When I went to study in Sweden for a semester in college, everyone asked me if I was excited for the chocolate. America, for the love of God, pay your schoolteachers.) Susie argues that “Possession is nine-tenths of the law!†to which Larry replies, “Is the other one-tenth fucking over your friend and eating his cheese?†After delivering a seething, “Who are you people,†Larry “possesses†their pomegranate juice and marches off. (Another side note: How did Jeff and Susie finish that whole thing of cheese in just a day? I suppose the cheese was so good she wanted to make him a melt regardless of his diet, but I was waiting for Larry to call her out on that. You’re making him eat salads, but then you make him a melt? A MELT?!â€)
Larry sees Conan walking his dog again and decides to approach him, thinking that Richard gave him the “Conan clearance.†He did not, and Conan is not happy. The notion that Conan O’Brien is some sort of comedy godfather who requires a “clearance†is one of those bits that only works because the execution is just so good. Conan, who is known for being one of the nicest guys in Hollywood, is brilliant as a deadpan asshole who insists his Dalmatian shouldn’t be stereotyped as a firehouse dog, just as golden retrievers should not be stereotyped as friendly. (Funny enough, Conan has a golden in real life.)
Still feeling guilty about his colostomy bag comment, Larry is compelled to buy the old car off DiCarlo at the original price, without the $3,000 smell discount. DiCarlo clearly milks the situation, making for a very, very awkward exchange with Larry. “We all got a lot of baggage,†he says, as Larry cringes. (Yet another side note: Who would take Venmo for a car purchase? Later, Richard also says he’ll Venmo Larry. I just don’t believe these people would trust the app with a purchase that large, even if it is technically possible. Feels like more of a Zelle crowd.) As he’s driving the car home, he stops at the cheese shop to replace his Vonderdonk, the camera lingering as he puts the cheese in the back seat. When Richard sees that Larry has bought the car, he wants to buy it off him, at the smell discount, and amid the conversation, he calls Larry “babe.†“Did you babe me?†Larry asks. “Do not, under any circumstances, babe me, ever.†“You think I feel good about it?†Richard replies shamefully. “It slipped out.†I had to rewind this scene several times just to reexperience the burst of laughter it gave me. Richard’s friendly rivalry with Larry will never cease to be hysterically tender.
When Larry returns to the office building, he sees that his hybrid car has been unplugged. The culprit? None other than the valet guy who saw him toss the keys: “You tossed, you lost, buddy.†He “pulled the plug,†just as Larry joked he would while Jeff is under anesthesia. After breaking up with Mantle, though not without a final plea to name his kid Ziggy Zeckelman (“It’s not too late!â€), Larry gets a text from Jeff’s lawyer saying the power of attorney documents are currently being sent over to his house. Larry rushes over to prevent Susie from finding out, but on the way, his car runs out of battery, where else but right outside Conan’s house. He knocks on Conan’s window and begs for an emergency clearance to borrow his car; a disgruntled Conan reluctantly agrees and tosses Larry the keys. Naturally, what everyone has warned Larry about tossing happens: The keys hit him in the eye. (“It’s fun!†says Conan, echoing Larry’s insistence that valet attendants like to “play catch.â€) Cut to the next scene, with Jeff and Larry signing the power of attorney over to Susie, each wearing an eye patch — Larry because of the keys toss; Jeff presumably because an angry Susie socked him. To top it off, Jeff gets a text from his friend saying DiCarlo had surgery for an ulcer— no colostomy bag. Larry realizes he was played like the acoustic guitar Conan was plucking in his mid-century Brentwood Hobbit home.
Having secured the smelly car of his dreams, Richard goes to pick up a woman for a date who he believes might be “the one.†Larry calls him out for his hopeless romanticism at his “advanced age,†and sweetly enough, the woman who gets in his car turns out to be Richard’s actual wife, Joyce Lapinsky. In the final season, Richard has finally found “the one,†but she immediately leaves the car when she realizes it smells like the Vonderdonk cheese, which has been sitting in the back of the car this whole time.
At 31 minutes, this episode pulled no punches while keeping things moving through tight plotting and smooth editing. A Leon-light story line and some unrealistic cheese gaffes, plus an unnecessary flashback, can be forgiven if it gave us “handers and tossers,†a classic Curb conundrum that is sure to be referenced by parking valets the world over.
Leonisms
• “This is a white-man car right here. Who’d you get it from, Mr. Peanut? The motherfucker with the monocle and the top hat?â€
• “Did Marilyn Monroe fuck JFK in a car like this?â€