One deeply upsetting thing about Amazon’s Fallout adaptation is that it dropped only eight episodes for season one. In another time, this baby would’ve rocked along on cable for 22 45-minute installments per season and become people’s whole identities (you really can’t beat the comfort and practicality of cosplaying as a girl who wears a jumpsuit). Season two was just announced this week, but that was kind of a given. Variety reported that California has already approved a $25 million tax credit for it. Indeed, season one’s ending insists there’s a lot of show still to come — with Lucy and the Ghoul racing after Hank in his headless power armor and Maximus left behind to navigate the political machinations of the Brotherhood. Now, I’ve spent enough hours of my life in the wasteland — and enough money on Amazon — that I’m sure I have grounds to demand certain things from Todd Howard et al. in season two. Here, what we’ve yet to see from the games on this show as well as a few season-one things that should absolutely return:
Super Mutants
I was surprised to see that a show with so much comedy wouldn’t immediately include Super Mutants, massive green mutated human beings who can talk but are incredibly dumb. Think the Orcs from The Lord of the Rings if they were the size of the trolls from The Lord of the Rings. I have to assume the Mutants will show up in season two, and if anyone from Amazon is reading this, Fallout has set the comedy-cameo bar way too high, and now you need to cough up whatever it takes to make Tim Robinson play one.
Synths
This is a reminder — and a warning for those unfamiliar with the source material — that some people in the world of Fallout are not people. They are synthetic creations identical to humans in every way, except they’re robots. In Fallout 4, you can help them start a revolution for robot rights. Wouldn’t it be funny if Evan Rachel Wood popped in for this? I’d laugh.
The Ghouls Get a Kiss
The show has yet to delve into the sexual proclivities of ghouls, but someone should give Walton Goggins a li’l kiss at some point. Yes, I know flashbacks depict him and his wife kissing, but Goggins has so much swagger in this show he manages to approach the status of heartthrob despite his (lack of) ghoulish features. Also, maybe it would make him nicer??
A Deathclaw
The skull of a Deathclaw — one of the wasteland’s most terrifying beasts — does make an appearance toward the end of the first season, but we’ve yet to see a live one. Amazon has the budget to alter our nightmares forever. Do it!
The Fat Man
Bigger enemies mean bigger guns, and the biggest gun you can find in Fallout is the Fat Man, which fires a grenade-size nuclear warhead bazooka style. While season one included a junk jet, one of the game’s most memorable weapons, the Fat Man is the thing that really lets whoever wields it control the wasteland.
Cats
Don’t worry — in the world of Fallout, cats absolutely survive and continue to exploit our weak human emotions in order to live well. Someone should have a cat and nothing bad should happen to it! People love TV shows when there’s a cat.
The Stealth Boy
A small portable device that Lucy really could’ve used during her illicit visit to level 12 in Vault 4. It makes the wearer invisible for a brief period — no big deal!
More Maximus Backstory
Maximus might be the most interesting character in the show, someone who dreams of being good but whose upbringing made goodness a dangerous habit. Aaron Moten’s performance is equal parts sweet and scary: You can see coldness sweep over him as he rationalizes violent solutions just before he hits you with a flash of innocence — reminding us he’s still that little boy stumbling out of a refrigerator and into the ruins of his home. We see nothing of his life before that flashback, but he’s a man who doesn’t understand how his own penis works, so there’s a lot to unpack here. Part of me wonders if the omission of his pre-bomb family was the result of a time constraint. The other part wonders if there’s another secret here that will make him and Lucy so relieved they didn’t do whatever he thinks sex is.
More Vaults
One of the most interesting parts of the games is exploring all the different vaults and piecing together what happened to them. In the season-one finale, we get a preview of the many different, terrible ideas all the evil executives had for vaults: an overcrowded one in which people have to fight, one that’s run by a milk-delivering robot, one in which “illegal immigrants†get turned into Super Mutant soldiers, a vault in which everyone’s tripping, a vault in which only the smartest children reach adulthood — and these are just the ideas they were willing to say out loud in a shadowy meeting room! Who knows what other fetishes these freaks chose to indulge in after Barb Howard confidently assured them that “no one needs to know†which kind of vault they’re entering. This reminds me …
More Vault 4!
I want to see Chris Parnell’s weird little eye again! We don’t get enough live-action Chris Parnell. More Chris Parnell in general!
The Total Destruction of the Enclave
The only thing I care about when it comes to the Enclave is destroying it because it is a place that kills puppies. We must crush the puppy incinerators and set the puppies free. A dog is not an avoidable inefficiency!
Matt Berry (Unfrozen)
I refuse to believe RobCo would let a voice actor it has so successfully underpaid just die. He’s a valuable resource! Surely it’s got him tucked away, frozen in a vault somewhere, waiting for the day consumer capitalism returns to the surface. Can’t you just imagine that RobCo exec cackling at the idea that its first postapocalyptic ad campaign will be the only one to feature an experienced voice actor? It makes sense!