I must begin this recap with the earth-shattering reality TV news that affects fans of House of Villains and just villains conceptually, metaphysically, and literally: Johnny Bananas has been spotted canoodling with Summer House legend and Prime HOV season two candidate Lindsay “HubbHouse†Hubbard. Take a second to sit with this news because the implications are massive. Do you mean to tell me that Bananas’ incessant flirtation with Corinne was all a lie? Would the fine television makers at the E! network pump deception directly through my TV screen into my brain? Say it ain’t so, Joel McHale!
With Corinne out of the house and out of Johnny’s heart, apparently, we’re back in the house after a Thanksgiving holiday. Omarosa agrees and flashes us back to Tanisha’s “Get The F Up†gospel choir stunt from last week, claiming — with the aid of slowed-down but not entirely clear footage — that Tanisha smacked her with her tambourine.
For a show that has, for the most part, left its feuds behind week after week, this one’s certainly simmering. “Everyone came to me and said they saw her hit me,†Omarosa says before the editors cut to a screen that says “Footage Not Found (because it never happened),†for which we must thank someone. E!, slide into the Vulture comments and tell us who to thank.
Bobby says it never happened, and a super slowed-down second look shows that the House of Villains production is on the side of “it never happened,†indicating a four-inch gap between the tambourine and Omarosa’s body. But The Apprentice demon isn’t having it, and we see previously held-back footage of her snapping at a member of the show’s staff, saying that she’s alerting her lawyer and that they need to bring the security team in. They give her back her phone, sparking an hour-long conversation between Omarosa and her lawyer, a job that absolutely does not pay enough money without me knowing even a rough salary range. She accuses the show of breach of contract, to which I would like to simply point to the title of the show, then at Omarosa, then at the title of the show, then at Omarosa again, and then maybe back and forth between her and the mirror.
Once a five-foot distance is agreed upon by Omarosa, a woman who has never seen a molehill in her life, we get a genuine “let’s smooth this over and get back to making good TV†apology from Tanisha. “We’re definitely getting a second season,†cracks Bananas.
Onto the main story of the episode, because I kid you not, all that happened in the first five minutes. When could your favorite show ever even think about competing? Fairplay tells the group his bucket list item is to win individual immunity, something he never achieved while playing Survivor.
It’s a new day in the workroom and — oh, sorry for the interruption. Is that Omarosa I hear? Yes, it is. Let me make sure I transcribe this correctly, I think it’s, “Bye, guys! I gotta go get this X-ray since I was bashed on the back of the hand with a tambourine violently yesterday.†She returns wearing a brace and then refuses to talk about it because it’s now a legal issue. Can my editor please insert the Taylor Armstrong “enough†GIF here? A hyperlink will do just fine; thank you!
This episode’s Battle Royale challenge is called “Power Trip,†and it’s a roulette-style game of musical chairs that’s partially dependent on who is randomly selected to be handcuffed to a briefcase and then partially dependent on who they pass it to, who that person passes it to, and so on. The last person holding the briefcase wins. If you’re smart, there is a good strategy to be wrung out of this one. If you’re not, or bad at puzzles (me, me), then this is just Hot Potato for Dummies. Fairplay, Omarosa, and Bananas strategize from the jump, with Anfisa in the driver’s seat as the first person handcuffed; everyone else just nods and names people at random, which would also be my tactic (Jeff Probst, if you’re reading this, don’t judge me, I’m better at the Outwit than the Outplay part).
Anfisa hands the briefcase to Tanisha, who (obviously) handcuffs it to Omarosa, who bequeaths it to Shake. Shake gives it to Bobby, who locks up Bananas, leaving Fairplay crowned the “winner of a daily competition†for the first time in his career. Except: because this show likes a knife in the side, inside the briefcase is a laptop with a video of Joel McHale proclaiming that Fairplay is not the Supervillain of the Week, and instead has one hour to choose who is.
The hissy fit and hiding in a bush Homer Simpson-style that ensues is a delight, as is Anfisa’s reaction to Fairplay’s meltdown: “Fairplay looks pathetic, and I feel disgusted looking at him.†Sorry, but maybe she’s an icon?
After an hour of deliberation, Fairplay chooses Bobby to be the Supervillain of the Week — this after Bobby promises not to put Bananas on the chopping block. But Fairplay’s choice sends Tanisha, Bananas, and Shake into a tailspin, realizing that the Survivor alum is playing a hyper-strategic game in ways they hadn’t even begun to perceive.
Bobby hosts a Pride party for the house, so in case you’ve spent the season imagining what Bananas would look like in drag, this episode is for you, babe. This show really is The Surreal Life: 2023, With Twists!
At Bobby’s reward lunch, he tries to back away from the deal he made with Fairplay by suggesting he will throw Bananas onto the Hit List alongside Shake and Tanisha, the latter two of whom the housemates seem to believe are coasting.
We then get many minutes of standard scrambling, lying about people who will or won’t make the Hit List, strategic seed-planting to throw people off, alliance-making and breaking, and so forth. Don’t let this quick skim fool you: it’s perfectly fine TV for most viewers, but parsing through the coded language and backstabbing with a fine-tooth comb has been heaven to watch for we reality TV lovers.
It’s the nomination ceremony, and true to his word, Bobby Lytes pulls a blindside (though is it really one if you telegraph it from across the country?) and puts Fairplay on the Hit List alongside Shake … and himself! Yes, folks, we have a Bendelacreme moment on our hands, and this is an iconic twist I didn’t see coming. Bobby tells the group only he can successfully go up against them in the Redemption Challenge and win, leaving them properly vulnerable to elimination. Is it a good strategy? No, I can’t say that it is. Bobby isn’t a challenge beast or a great game player. But it is fun, reckless, unexpected, and wildly delicious TV, and I pray that E! gives us many, many more seasons of this hot mess express.
Villains’ Attic
• The chime noise that sounds every time “E.V.A.†(the Evil Voice Audio announcer) speaks to the group sounds exactly like the final seconds of Daft Punk’s “Aerodynamic.â€Â This has been itching my brain for weeks now, and I feel such relief being able to scratch it.
• Somehow, Omarosa has scammed, I mean schemed, her way into every reward excursion. Her streak continues this week.
• Someone take away Fairplay’s guitar, I beg of you.
• Bobby Lytes’s outfit for the nomination ceremony should be studied in distinguished universities and think tanks.