After years of juicy drama coming out of the pods, Love Is Blind has been due for a flop season, and we should have known it was coming when it went to the place known for niceness. The citizens of Minneapolis gave so little drama that we were at one point subjected to a full 40 seconds of a woman attempting to connect her iPhone to the local Wi-Fi network. The most compelling plotlines never made it out of the pods, and from there, the season was toast. Almost as if to beat the viewer over the head with a visual metaphor for disappointment, production even organized a bachelorette party that consisted of the participants dressing up as elderly women, wigs and accessories included, and riding a carousel in a closed-down Mall of America. But a lackluster season is no less fun to recklessly litigate social politics over. Thus, we’re back with another power ranking, and don’t worry, we make no promises of niceness.
15.
Dave
Dave’s behavior this season has been relentlessly flamed in the court of public opinion, and I have nothing new to add to the discourse beyond enshrining his place at the bottom of this ranking and reiterating, as others have pointed out, that letting your big sister make your relationship decisions is not the mark of a powerful person. His actions have spoken for themselves, and his words have doubled down on his actions. On to the next one.
14.
Mason
Mason, a human flip-flop, was completely out of his depth dating multiple people at once after having signed up for the famous experiment where you have to date multiple people at once. Rather than take any proactive steps toward making a decision between the two women he was “dating,” he wavered and wobbled and pussyfooted around until Madison picked Alex and Meg decided she wasn’t okay with being second choice (until, of course, she decided she was actually okay with being second choice). Flip-flop found its pair in the end.
13.
Ben
Ben’s main character flaw is a lack of applied critical thinking. On one hand, who can blame him? He’s a straight, white, Christian man from the Midwest who doesn’t appear to have faced much adversity in his life that would have caused him to examine or pressure-test his values and beliefs with any rigor. Why would they be anything but paper thin? On the other hand, and to Sara’s main point, we exist in the context. Minneapolis was the backdrop for the 2020 George Floyd protests, and yet Ben’s preference remains to “just kind of keep out of it.” In fact, his main allegiance seems to be to his Evangelical megachurch, Eagle Brook, which preaches regressive views and dabbles in highly questionable practices (allegedly). But again, he’s not the type who scratches far beneath the surface, so how was he supposed to know about that? In his own words, he “believes in the one true God that loves us, and that’s pretty much it.” There’s no power in blind faith.
12.
Meg
Speaking of a lack of intellectual rigor, a Joe Rogan fan has entered the pods! Just kidding. Well, not really, but it’s not Meg’s penchant for conspiracy that handicaps her connection in the pods. It’s not even anything she does or says. She’s mostly a victim of circumstance here — the circumstance being that Madison told Mason she likes cream pies, and there was really no way that Meg was going to compete with that. Lucky for her, she didn’t have to, since Madison backed down and chose Alex. Meg and Mason, after leaving the pods single, end up staging their own reveal off-camera (is that even allowed?) and describe themselves at the pod party as really (wink) good (wink) friends (wink, wink, wink, wink wink).
11.
Alex
Alex is a hung jury come to life. There’s merit in seeing both sides of an argument, but there’s no honor in fence-sitting forever, which is Alex’s fatal flaw. In his final argument with Madison about her disagreement with Mason, his personal connection to both parties rendered him incapable of coming to a conclusive decision on right and wrong, which left Madison feeling abandoned and invalidated as a result. There is such a thing as being understanding to a fault. Moreover, he was never able to shake his initial hang-ups about Madison’s communication style, despite her behavior in the pods providing evidence to assuage his concerns. It’s not a crime to be this way, but it does waste everyone’s time, and it’s also not very powerful.
10.
Monica
To preface what I am about to say: I was raised in an Asian household. So I have a deep appreciation for a nuclear family unit and recognize the many benefits of children remaining in the nest until (and when circumstances demand it, even past) their maturation. There is nothing wrong with the practice, and if anything, it is Western culture’s stigma against it, rooted in toxic individualism, that can be harmful to the young adults finding themselves in such a position. That said, this is a power ranking, and I cannot in good conscience go on record claiming that a 28-year-old living at home and engaging in regular “fam jams” wields any real power socially or romantically. I’m guessing she doesn’t pay rent, so there may be something to be said for her financial footing, but that’s not really what we’re talking about here. Anyway, while I’m defending Monica’s family’s practices, one thing I will go on record with is that I think a shared household sock bin is genius and beyond critique. I will meet you in the comments on this.
9.
Sara
Sara is a little too smart to have taken so long to reach a final decision about Ben. Under normal circumstances, grace for this misdemeanor would be in order on account of the universally acknowledged truth that good sense goes out the window when you have the hots for someone. But … (here’s where I pull out the remote, hit pause, and point emphatically at the title card of the show we’re discussing). It’s one thing when a relationship breaks down because of real-world circumstances, a lack of attraction, or other factors that don’t come up in the pods, but I have little patience for a disintegration over incompatible values, especially ones that came up so early on. Ben, to his credit, and also his probable shame, didn’t even lie about his stances! In falling victim to the exact pitfall that the pods were designed to avoid, Sara displayed a glaring lack of understanding of the experiment at its core.
8.
Devin
Devin is the season’s floater, and pretty effectively divides the pack between the power wielders above him and those they influence below. From the pods to Honduras and back to Minneapolis, he participates very little in his own fate, and, in fact, the most declarative position he takes is in saying “I do” at the altar before Virginia rejects him. One might argue that such a passive participant in their life belongs at the bottom of this ranking, but my philosophy of power stipulates that negative power can exist in the form of being an object of manipulation, something that can’t be said of Devin but can be said of the people who rank below him. And, no, he wasn’t manipulated into signing the prenup—he had his mom look it over!
7.
The Spirit of Christmas and Its Grasp on Daniel and Taylor
Eight seasons into Love Is Blind, we’ve seen couples build the basis of their relationship on a lot of questionable foundations. A love of basketball, shared belief in conspiracy, Lee Ann Womack. But never has a couple bonded over something as inconsequential and juvenile as a shared love of Christmas. To be fair, we don’t actually learn much about Taylor and Daniel as individuals this season — we know Taylor’s core values boil down to family, faith, nursing, and Taco Bell, and we know Daniel is an Instagram user. So it makes sense that their shared interest (singular) is just as surface level. This commentary, to be clear, is not to disparage the strength of their relationship. Arguably the closest corollary to Christmas couples are Disney couples, which are well regarded as among the strongest in society. After all, they were the only couple from the season who made it past the altar. Maybe it’s a lesson for all of us: Life is less messy when you focus on the simple stuff. Best of luck to Taylor and Daniel, and may your Christmas cards forever sleigh.
6.
Joey
It doesn’t take a scholar of human behavior to understand the type of man Joey is. He is the golden retriever personified. He is a cartoon voice actor that hasn’t yet been cast. He is the man who inhabits the Viktor the Viking suit, if not physically then spiritually. Even after being left at the altar, it’s not difficult to imagine Joey longboarding into the sunset, flowing auburn locks and Positive Mental Attitude in tow. The friendly power of the Midwest courses through his veins.
5.
This Exact Look That Lauren’s Friend Delaney Gives Dave After Their Workout Class
If looks could kill, etc.
4.
Madison
Madison is a self-described avoidant-attachment style and by all accounts a woman who is used to men being putty in her hands (in other words, a person who was handcrafted for the premise of Love Is Blind). Despite those tendencies, she articulated herself clearly through each tribulation she faced, and essentially delivered a master class in interpersonal communication in the pods (and if she indulged in a little trauma dumping along the way, at least she was erring on the side of over-communicating). So it was ironic that Alex, whom Madison picked over Mason, ultimately decided that he didn’t believe strongly enough in her ability to communicate to move forward with an engagement. That rejection, paired with Mason’s retracted commitment to her and combined with Alex’s snub of her feelings over it, amounted to a rough go in the pods for the 27-year-old artist. Despite that, there’s power in knowing yourself, flaws and all, and braving a dating format that’s designed to pressure test those exact flaws in the extreme. Madison came out the other side of the pods, if not with a partner, at least with a deeper understanding of herself that will only aid her on her future journeys, romantic or otherwise.
3.
Virginia
Our dark horse of the season was none other than Virginia. While she was the paragon of demurity from the moment she stepped in the pods to her final stand at the altar, at no point did she lose sight of her standards. The most obvious example of her sticking by her guns was the stand she took with Devin over arranging a prenup — a surprisingly original point of contention for a show that touts itself as an experiment with marriage, and one that yields a less-than-perfect track record. Even though a marriage to Devin would have ultimately served the aspirations she set out to fulfill, it’s clear in her confessional after the altar that she was unwilling to compromise her values to get there. The power to stick it out for the high bar you set for yourself is something we should all aspire to.
2.
Lauren
If you never read The Scarlet Letter in high school, but you do watch Love Is Blind, you can skip the former at this point, because you basically get the gist of it watching Lauren’s post-Honduras arc this season. Accused of having a dating history on a dating show, you can’t help but feel sorry for Lauren as you watch her being painted as a liar and infidel by Dave’s sister’s army. Lauren handles the allegations as well as can be expected of someone in her position: with increasingly desperate and tearful pleas to Dave to see reason, culminating in exasperated defeat. Heroically, she never rolls over to the obvious attempts at slut-shaming, and ends the season with her head held high, standing her ground as the maligned party, and displaying a lot more empathy for Dave than he deserves. She, like Sara, should have given up on her fiancé a lot sooner, but maybe she’s a better person than me. Therein lies her true power.
1.
Elder Sisters
An undeniable force loomed over Minneapolis this season: the influence of the elder sister. As a bearer of the title myself, I’m no stranger to the power that comes with the seat, and thus I feel well qualified to sub-rank the three principal sisters of season eight on the official scale by which elder sisters are judged, caring to overbearing:
Caring: Sara’s sister, Lisa
Lisa is gay, and her queerness acts as somewhat of a canary in the coal mine that is Sara’s relationship with Ben. While at first it seems that Ben is ready to show up as an ally, it becomes clear over the course of several episodes that his declarations of allegiance were mostly performative. For Lisa’s part, she wields her power in the most subtle manner of the three: offering sage advice when solicited, taking a back seat, and ultimately letting Sara come to her own conclusions about Ben. While it’s not always the most effective method at rendering what you want that’s best for the younger sibling, it’s certainly the kindest, the most mature, and the one method guaranteed to preserve a healthy siblinghood.
Glaring(ly jealous): Monica’s sister, Nicolle
Nicolle takes a heavier hand when it comes to asserting her opinion on Monica and Joey’s relationship, but from the jump, she’s grasping clumsily for evidence of incompatibility. Her actual motivations for sabotage become obvious when she reveals that she’s five years older than Monica and feels that it’s her prerogative to marry first, and from there, her “concerns” mostly crumble under the harsh light of envy. Monica ultimately rejects Joey at the altar, and while I’d like to believe she realized independently that the two were not a perfect match, it’s hard to argue that Nicolle had nothing to do with it.
Overbearing: Dave’s Unnamed Sister
Dave’s sister is the most malicious kind of elder sis — the kind who views themselves as judge, jury, and executioner of their family’s well-being. Relationships, romantic or otherwise, that don’t seek prior approval will be subject to the wrath of disfavor, and there’s not much the other party can do (or letter they can write) about it. In terms of fucked-up family dynamics, this archetype is topped only by Boy Moms. But honestly, if you’re going to influence the plot of the season to such a degree that a central relationship falls apart at your behest, at least be brave enough to face the camera.