Bravo, ladies. This is how you prove Quad isn’t a necessary ingredient in the delicacy that is Married to Medicine. Things were getting bleak for a second, but we can rejoice and savor this episode as a treat for surviving the last few weeks. The doctors and wives (and Phaedra), for lack of a better word, resurrected the old M2M formula with all the theatrics, comedy, sisterhood, and ostentatious lifestyle porn that popularized the show to begin with. Heavenly and Damon take the lead, starting the episode with a medical mixer promoting Damon’s practice. Damon heads the team at Roswell Pain Specialists, and he planned this event as a way to network with personal-injury attorneys who often give their clients referrals.
If you ask Peter, Todd, and Apollo from RHOA, a lot of Atlanta business networking coincidentally, and conveniently, occurs surrounded by half-naked women and lots of liquor at the strip club. With that as our benchmarker, Heavenly and Damon’s event is fairly tame while still being on brand for Atlanta. It’s held at a cigar bar with drinks flowing and hookahs situated in the corners, and the guest list makes the room look like an amalgam of a club opening, an Omega Psi Phi reunion, and a young Black professionals conference. Honestly, I would’ve had a blast. Like Jackie said, “You gotta go where the people are.†And then, there’s Heavenly’s outfit. Granted, based on my own description of the event, I wouldn’t know what to wear either, but I’m not sure I would have looked to Phaedra to advise me like Heavenly did.
Heavenly ascends the stairs in a long-sleeved, rhinestone-encrusted mesh bustier with a skirt of feathers attached to create a minidress. The bustier plunges as low as it can while trying to contain her voluminous chest to the best of its ability. But Heavenly’s boobs are a formidable opponent, with her nipple playing peekaboo all night, no doubt making the most use of the pixelated fogging effect in the duration of the show. She works the room in her platinum-blonde wig and costume, with the blur following her wherever she goes before stepping into a role we haven’t seen her explore in a while. As a self-proclaimed relationship expert (I believe she has some sort of internet certificate), she decides to co-opt the event and turn it into speed dating for the newly single Phaedra.
The first guy Heavenly presents is a disaster; he gets a bit too cozy with the placement of his hands on Phaedra’s lower back, joking about “playing the drums.†Ew! Regardless of his overenthusiasm, he never stood a chance. Phaedra’s sights were set on the younger professionals with beards that have less salt than pepper, a choice cosigned by Simone. Then, after Damon’s professional speech, Heavenly and her nipple bring Phaedra onto the stage and present her to the room, asking if any single men are interested. She’s a sentence away from naming a starting price for the bid, but in Phaedra’s mind, her worth is beyond monetary value, as she says in her confessional that she’s “worth dying for.†I hope her Traitors’ co-star C.T., who Phaedra called her “castle daddy,†is listening!
With the party in full swing, Simone announces the destination for the annual couples’ trip, with this year marking the tenth anniversary of the group vacations. Cecil and Simone decided they should go to Hilton Head, South Carolina, a choice that sends an immediate ripple through the group since it’s the location where Curtis was caught cheating on Jackie. Okay, let me whip out a fence to ride because I genuinely see both sides. If Heavenly and Jackie had not said anything, I would have no recollection of the exact city those damning pictures of Curtis with another woman originated from. But I’m not Jackie’s friend of 20 years — Simone is. So, there is a definite argument that she should have known better. Heavenly goes into defense mode as Jackie’s guard dog, speaking up before Jackie utters a word. Simone swears it didn’t cross her mind that Hilton Head would trigger Jackie, saying she would never intentionally hurt her friend.
Initially, Jackie says she would rather go to Myrtle Beach (please, no, that would be worse than sitting through the Potomac ladies playing chicken shit bingo) and that she’s never been to Hilton Head and doesn’t plan to go. Heavenly tells Simone she needs to be “more compassionate about other people’s feelings,†which is absurd coming from Heavenly, but we all know Heavenly is Jackie’s mouthpiece, a dynamic that resurfaces later in the episode. Jackie will act prim and proper, maintaining a blank face with her lips tightly pressed in a straight line while Heavenly goes off, saying everything Jackie wants to say but can’t, as she could never risk her holier-than-thou reputation.
The dilemma of the group trip prompts what I believe is the first one-on-one scene with Jackie and Curtis all season. He’s been mysteriously absent working on “a project†in the Dominican Republic, only popping up at guys’ night and for Dr. G’s bachelor party … at the strip club. The energy between Curtis and Jackie is a bit awkward, and the conversation regarding Hilton Head doesn’t make anything better. Naturally, as the one who did the cheating, Curtis says he’s “over that,†and they’ve “been down that road many times†without accomplishing anything for their relationship. Jackie proposes still going since the trip is a milestone anniversary within the group, but Curtis is unwavering with his decision because he doesn’t want others questioning his past. Without Curtis, Jackie doesn’t want to go on the trip either, a decision she shares at Phaedra’s house for Ayden’s birthday party.
Mommy is arguably the best hat Phaedra wears, and her parties for her boys haven’t changed much since we saw them as babies on RHOA. For Ayden’s 13th, she decks out the backyard with bounce houses, popcorn machines, food trucks, and balloons everywhere. At first, it seems somewhat subdued compared to what we’re used to, but we should know Phaedra could never throw a typical party without a touch of kookiness. It’s like watching one of those classic RHOA episodes again since we get a guest appearance from Dwight (wearing a regal multicolored coat and matching hat, of course) as he introduces Phaedra, Ayden, and Dylan with the help of a professional trumpeter named Milkshake before sparklers and smoke machines blast for the birthday boy. It’s amazing he’s already a teenager — it feels like just yesterday his mom was lying on camera about her due date.
Before Jackie even arrives, Heavenly breaches the topic of the trip, asking Simone specifically what made her choose Hilton Head. Simone says it was the most logical place, considering distance and everyone’s schedules, but Heavenly doesn’t miss the opportunity to insinuate that Simone isn’t a good friend to Jackie. Once Jackie gets there, Heavenly pulls the trio of doctors aside, leading to a confrontation that adds pressure to one of the fissures within the Core Four. Whether they’re willing to address it on camera or not, Heavenly’s close relationship with Jackie is a source of contention between Jackie and Simone. Heavenly and Simone’s beef has brewed for years, reaching a boiling point when Heavenly and Cecil fought on Twitter. Meanwhile, Jackie and Simone’s relationship started to really deteriorate when Simone did not defend Jackie’s indefensible behavior regarding Buffie’s infertility. From there, it boils down to things being left unresolved and Jackie relishing in the devout loyalty she gets from Heavenly, the same loyalty she expects from Simone, knowing that Heavenly will never bite her tongue in her retaliations. And when things inevitably go too far, she can always throw her hands up and proclaim, “I don’t control what Heavenly says.â€
Separated from the party, Jackie barely has to speak while her guard dog talks for her. She says she doesn’t want to reopen the can of worms, which was her affair, and then lets Heavenly do the dirty work by asking Simone point blank if she thought choosing Hilton Head was a good idea. Heavenly is so entrenched in the conversation that she’s the one who replies, “Thank you,†when Simone is looking directly at Jackie while apologizing. Jackie explains her feelings while Heavenly provides shady ad-libs, igniting a full-on fight with Simone, who is urging Jackie to get her friend. Jackie walks away with her hands clean while Heavenly fights the fight for her, chastising Simone for making Jackie feel uncomfortable. Toya knowingly says in her confessional: “Honey, I would love for Jackie to actually voice her shade instead of letting Heavenly voice it for her.â€
Once the worst of the yelling is over, Jackie diffuses the situation and further explains her position, saying that going to Hilton Head within the context of a couples’ trip opens the door for conversations about the affair. She specifies Toya as the one most likely to bring it up, which is true — look at how she was in everyone’s business just in this episode alone, asking questions about Apollo and telling Alicia that Kema seems difficult (I know Eugene laughed at that). Finally, Jackie asks for another opportunity to convince Curtis to go, which we see from next week’s preview is ultimately successful after a few dramatic bumps in the road that I cannot wait to watch.
Doctor’s Orders
• It’s comical that Quad is still included in the beginning credits. Production always knows how to make a statement.
• Kema’s face is officially a jump scare. When he was talking to Dr. G about being “traditional,†I wanted to snatch his daughter off his lap and tell her not to listen. If he’s so traditional, why did Alicia say she was the one playing handyman at home? You’re an alpha male but can’t handle a screwdriver?
• Let’s get Heavenly or Quad on The Traitors. I know I can’t stop talking about the show and Phaedra’s performance, but imagining Quad’s monologues at the round table or Heavenly’s confessionals already has me giggling.