Who is Constance Papadopoulos? If Joyce’s college studies are to be believed, she’s a shipping widow done wrong who’s swept in with big pockets looking to save sexy li’l Minx. But if Doug Renetti is to be believed, she’s a wolf in sheep’s clothing, looking to usurp everything he and the rest of the Bottom Dollar crew have ever built without even telling them. The truth, most likely, is probably somewhere in the middle. After all, can you even get superrich without fucking a few people over?
Constance is certainly doing herself no favors with Minx’s international editor job interview/boot camp, which she’s holding at her retreat, Rancho Pellegrino. She’s asked everyone to walk to the site even though you can drive there, and rather than serving them a nice lunch and asking them to present their ideas, she’s instead tasked them with hunting and killing their own repast, even if that means gutting a squirrel for sport. Some of the Euro editors seem a little more adept at that than others, just like how, in the actual interviews, some of the women seem to “getâ€Â Minx while others are just secret Nazis gussied up in smart skirt suits.
While Joyce seems to be as gung ho as anyone at the retreat’s onset, she starts to waver during those interviews, especially when she notices Constance and Tina responding positively to everyone she abhors. That Tina is even there also comes as a surprise to Joyce, who thought she offered the job to Doug, only to find out it was already Tina’s. And, as we know, Tina didn’t even know that Doug was after the gig.
Tina tells Joyce that Doug is “totally onboard†because “a win for me is a win for us,†but it’s clear she doesn’t really believe that, especially once Doug sneaks into the retreat in an effort to present some pieced-together scraps of paper that Constance threw away in his office wastebasket. He’s convinced that Constance is “fattening [Minx] up†so she can unload it, essentially turning a quick profit on the backs of Joyce, Doug, and everyone else who put their blood, sweat, and other fluids into the publication. Tina’s either not buying it or doesn’t care, telling Doug, “There’s nothing we can do because she’s the owner,†and then shooing him away after Constance walks in with a spare set of boots.
Doug’s next stop is Joyce, who’s similarly unimpressed, telling her onetime boss that Constance is “taking us places [she] never even dreamed possible.†She gives Doug a little “sad man†letdown, telling him that “maybe she doesn’t need you holding her hand anymore, but that doesn’t mean that you’re not wanted or essential,†a piece of advice that could just as easily apply to his relationship with Tina.
Doug then breaks into Constance’s house, because “her casa is mi casa,†ultimately finding a document that proves she’s dissolved Bottom Dollar in order to form a new company. When he presents the proof to Tina, she shrugs, telling him, “Maybe Bottom Dollar’s outlived its usefulness.†It’s a grand metaphor for their relationship, of course, which quickly comes to a head as Tina tells him off for basically ignoring her skills and potential for over a decade as he built his name and reputation. She’s right, naturally, and she’s right to feel seen by Constance, who’s giving her the chances she’s always deserved. That still doesn’t mean Constance isn’t up to something. If anything, I’m even more convinced.
There’s a B-story going on at Bottom Dollar that’s equally as thrilling and about ten times more titillating. As we learn at the episode’s opening, the magazine’s centerfold, Rex, ran down his mother after an argument and is facing trial for vehicular manslaughter. Unfortunately, Minx based his centerfold around cars, meaning that, as Richie puts it, he had his “dick draped over the murder weapon†in more than a few of that issue’s pics. They’ll have to do a quick reshoot, but they’re tapped out of ideas and of sets until Richie remembers his bathhouse pitch. With Joyce and Tina out of office, there’s no one to veto, and after he and Bambi enlist Doug to woo the owner of Emerald Springs in Silverlake, the Minx crew is on the road and headed for hedonism HQ.
Now, I don’t know where they shot “Emerald Springs,†but it was truly perfect, a dark and mattress-filled cavern of sexual desire and sweaty locker rooms. Richie and Bambi source the models from the guys who are already hanging out, yelling the excellent line, “Anyone willing to show their face and peckers to the world, follow me. Everyone else, there are snacks and poppers in the lounge.â€
Shelly also comes onboard with her typewriter, enlisted to write a last-minute missive from Bella LaRoux. She ends up stuffed away in a closet after matter-of-factly walking in on at least three separate sex acts, including a truly impressive foursome. (“That’s a lot of business,†she says, ending with, “Four’s company!â€) She’s struggling to find her flow, mainly because, as she later tells Bambi, she’s rushing to tell a story she doesn’t even know how to put into words. But more on that exchange in a second.
Back in the bathhouse’s main pool area, Richie is grappling with capturing his vision while still adhering to the “no gay stuff†guidelines set forth by Constance and Joyce. He’s trying to keep the guys from touching, and owner Walt seems miffed, telling him, “I thought with one of us behind the camera, we’d be in good hands, but if all you wanted was tubs and tiles, you could have shot at the YMCA.†That conversation seems to shake something loose in Richie, who kicks out all the Minx staffers and makes the shoot the casual, sultry embrace he initially wanted it to be. The men are lounging together, snuggling and smiling, and you can practically smell the chlorine and testosterone.
Unfortunately, you can also smell bacon, because right when Richie is getting into his flow, the cops rush through the door. It’s a raid, even though no one’s doing anything illegal. It seems to go on forever and gets far, far more violent than it needs to be, and when Richie is given an out to flee the building, he instead chooses to stay and shoot the scene, capturing cops putting naked patrons in chokeholds and teaming up to force them against the walls. It’s a horrible scene, but he’s there to capture it, and so (hopefully!) at least the world will get to see what went down.
Bambi and Shelly ride out the raid in the aforementioned sauna, where Bambi tries to tell Shelly about her inner feelings only to have Shelly Joyce all over them, more concerned with her own stuff than with what her friend is going through. Shelly is going through a lot, to be sure — just see the Bella story that Lenny later reads, in which she outs herself as a lesbian — but that doesn’t mean she should always assume Bambi lives in a universe made up exclusively of sunshine and rainbows. She might be relentlessly positive on the outside, but inside Bambi is bummed. Work has become a grind, and she’s lost her sense of purpose. She’s done pretending to be perfect. Now it’s just time to be real.
Reflections of Desire
• I love that Emerald Springs owner Walt clocks Shelly as a lesbian before she even gives herself that name. Also, shout-out to that Chris Isherwood name-drop!
• The portion of Shelly’s column that Lenny reads goes, “I know these words may rattle some, but ‘lesbian’ sets me loose, a boat untethered, free. To thine own self, Bella, be true.†I can’t wait to see how everything shakes out for her going forward. Is she in love with Doreen? Is she going to start cruising the bars? I’m so interested I could watch a Shelly spinoff.