You think you know someone, that you can depend on them, that they will not let you down when they host the Academy Awards. But then they disappoint you when they refuse to bring out their long-suffering assistant. We at Vulture are big fans of Conan O’Brien, but the truth is that we are even bigger fans of his assistant Sona Movsesian, who co-hosts his Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend podcast. Silly us, we assumed that their long relationship might warrant O’Brien bringing her out at the Oscars — especially since it was brought up as a topic on the pod. And yet, no. He stuck to “telling jokes,” and “doing funny bits,” and “negging the entire country of Estonia.” And it’s not like she didn’t have opportunities. She could’ve knocked on the dressing-room door as Conan climbed out of Demi Moore’s body. In his number that was specifically made to waste time, she would have been a lovely person to feature instead of Dancing Deadpool. Sona and Deadpool have the same amount of Oscar nominations, after all. (Zero.)
“I think Conan did a great job,” Movsesian tells Vulture exclusively. “But he was clearly missing a very important element and I think that element is a loud Armenian with frizzy hair.” The only solution to this catastrophe? Let Sona host the whole thing next year. And bring back Shai-Hulud on keys.
This post has been updated with a statement.