“I’ve killed mediocre men, and I’ve killed extraordinary men. You’re the worst kind — a mediocre man who thinks he’s extraordinary.†Zheng Yi Sao (the pirate queen who bent China to her will, although you’d never hear her saying that about herself, of course) is back in the mix on Our Flag Means Death, which means that no man’s bullshit is safe — or so she thinks — in another quick, charming pair of episodes.
This week’s episodes start with screaming and end with an explosion that is like something out of Game of Thrones’ “Battle of the Blackwater†— except, in this case, grandfather clocks set the Republic of Pirates aflame. We can thank Prince Ricky Banes (Erroll Shand) and, by extension, Zheng for that. By meeting with Banes and proposing an alliance that could bring the Golden Age of Piracy to a peaceful end, Zheng unwittingly (and narcissistically) laid a trap in which she herself is now caught.
If you don’t remember Banes, he was introduced in the season-two premiere episode “Impossible Birds†as a self-proclaimed “minor prince†who became infatuated with Stede Bonnet’s story and decided to become a pirate himself — only to have his nose sliced off by Spanish Jackie shortly afterward. He’s a dark Stede, a rich kid whose attempt to slum it on the high seas led him to humiliation and mutilation instead of love and adventure. And he’s back for his revenge, revealing himself to be the season’s Big Bad in the process.
For a moment in episode six, it seemed as if the infamous Ned Low (Bronson Pinchot) might be the pirate to watch out for. But the crew of the Revenge turns out to be quite resilient when it comes to erotic musical torture. (Pirates are a kinky lot, as Anne Bonny and Mary Read proved earlier in the season.) And so Low’s invasion of the Revenge’s impromptu “Calypso’s Birthday†party was dramatic, but ultimately not all that consequential — in the end, he’s defeated fairly easily, and by Stede of all people! (With a nod to Black Pete and Lucius for being in the right place and the right time and for not abandoning their shipmates to history.)
It turns out that the one thing that can bring the killer (and the lover) out of meek Stede Bonnet is defending his man. Stede is having none of the envious Ned’s trash talk about Ed. And although Low’s death is more of an “accidental manslaughter†situation than cold-blooded murder — it’s technically the violin that throws Ned off balance and into the ocean, Stede just throws that violin — both Izzy and Ed brace for the psychological impact Stede’s first kill might have on the “gentleman pirate.â€
But even at the end of this week’s batch of episodes, the gravity of what he’s done hasn’t yet settled on Stede. He’s still riding too high on the attention and respect he gets from his fellow pirates once he and the crew of the Revenge come ashore in episode seven, “Man on Fire.†Even Spanish Jackie has to give him some reluctant respect, letting the crew of the Revenge back into her place after all the bullshit they pulled last time they were there. Things seem to be going really well in Jackie’s personal life, so she’s in the mood to be magnanimous. We’ll see what happens to both of them once the dopamine starts to wear off.
In another generous gesture, considering that he and Blackbeard used to have a “we say we’re just friends, but everybody can tell there’s a vibe†thing going on, Izzy Hands tells Stede while they’re drinking at Jackie’s place that Stede and Ed are good for each other because they balance one another out. This is true in terms of temperament: Ed gives Stede confidence, while Stede keeps Ed mellow. But those exact dynamics are also what led them to their latest breakup.
Ed has already lived the life of an infamous pirate, and although he seems pleased for Stede at first, giving him tips on how to navigate his newfound fame — “accept drinks, but never finish them. Never insult someone’s tattoo, especially if it’s of you†— he withdraws from the situation quickly, leaving Stede to become a fisherman even though he’s only been fishing once. Lingering trauma, spiritual exhaustion, petty jealousy, or some combination of the three? He’s not saying.
Communication is working better among the polycule (a modern term, sure, but there’s really no other word for it) that’s forming between Jim Jimenez, Oluwande, Archie, and Zheng. Jim’s over any jealousy they might have had about Oluwande’s tender feelings for Zheng, and now the foursome is talking about moving in together aboard the Red Flag — a plan that will have to be reworked, thanks to that whole “gigantic, devastating explosion†thing. Irritatingly enough, this means that they’ll have to work with — ugh — Stede to survive as Our Flag Means Death heads full sail toward another season finale.
Davy Jones’s Locker
• Ned’s whole insecure “frustrated artist†thing played as very Salleri and Amadeus to me, which ties into another corner of the Taika TV-verse: The movie Chevalier, written by What We Do in the Shadows’ Stefani Robinson, a.k.a. the mind behind Jackie Daytona, Regular Human Bartender.
• Whenever a character in a movie or on TV swigs from a bottle of what’s supposed to be liquor, I think back to the time I did an interview with Samuel L. Jackson, who told me that the drink he’s swigging at the bar in Goodfellas was actually iced tea. So what do we think is in Izzy’s bottle, gang? Cranberry juice? Hibiscus tea?
• Did anybody else catch the rainbow Pride flag hanging above the pirate market?
• I did find Ed’s attempt at doing a good deed, which began with “Hey urchins†and ended with giving children knives, very funny.
• “Whatever this is, it’s just going to turn me on.†Oh, so it’s that kind of party.
• Hellcat Maggie, seen here as Ned Low’s kinky torturer-in-chief, is based on a real person, as are many of the characters on this show. She didn’t live at the same time as Zhang, Stede, Ed, and the rest, however, but was a member of the Dead Rabbits, one of the infamous 1820s Irish street gangs immortalized in Martin Scorsese’s Gangs of New York. In the movie, she’s a feral little goblin with sharpened teeth and brass claws she uses to tear a man’s ear off; in real life, she wasn’t much different.
• Ned Low was a real person also, a notoriously sadistic torturer and a pirate contemporary of Blackbeard. The circumstances of his real-life death have been obscured by history, but in 1723, the fisherman Phillip Ashton wrote of his experience as a captive aboard Low’s ship: “Their mirth and their anger had much the same effect, for both were usually gratified with the cries and groans of their prisoners,†which would seem to support the whole “symphony of screaming†thing.
• “‘Tis I, Calypso! Raise your motherfucking glasses, or feel my absolute wrath!â€
• While we’re on the subject of every sailor’s favorite made-up holiday, two things: First, let us never forget that the character of Ursula the Sea Witch in The Little Mermaid was inspired by the iconic drag queen Divine. Although he’s not technically playing Ursula, Kristian Nairn pays better tribute to Divine here than Melissa McCarthy did in the live-action Little Mermaid earlier this year.
• And finally, for your reading delight and revulsion, a vintage 18th-century recipe for white face powder of the sort Wee John Feeney wears here: “Steep the lead in the pot of vinegar, and rest it in a bed of manure for at least three weeks. When the lead finally softens to the point where it can be pounded into a flaky white powder, grind to a fine powder. Mix with water, and let dry in the sun. After the powder is dry, mix with the appropriate amount of perfume and tinting dye.â€