If you had given me a hundred guesses as to how Maxine ultimately gets rescued from being left for dead in the middle of the sea, I never would have fathomed that an astronaut’s spacecraft parachutes into the ocean beside her and saves the day. Granted, the show did lay the groundwork for this with its space-themed episode, but I still would have been less surprised if the seagull she befriended and named Bernadette were to have flown off to call the Coast Guard. But no, it was an astronaut. “Ahoy, spaceman,†she calls out, and before asking for help, she asks, “You wanna come to a party?†She found her guest of honor for the Beach Ball.
Back at the Dellacorte mansion and dry, Maxine is furious at Douglas for not sending help — but he, of course, had no way of knowing she was missing since he himself was in jail with Robert for being gay/gay adjacent. But she’s much kinder to Robert, whom she says she kept thinking about while she was lost at sea and begs him to forgive her for sending away his prince. “What kind of friend would I be if I knew someone could hurt you, but I didn’t say anything?†she says, which is the same question Robert now has to grapple with now that the tables have turned. Should he tell her about Douglas’s affair with Mitzi? Or would that destroy her and cause unnecessary suffering now that he’s promised to end it? In any case, the marriage is already on rocky ground.
But do you know what can cheer anyone up? Richard Nixon coming over! That’s right, so determined to meet the hero astronaut, the President of the United States has agreed to attend Maxine’s Beach Ball. It’s a great payoff after the show sprinkled Maxine’s obsession with the Nixons earlier in the season. But there’s one issue; with the president comes the Secret Service, and as we know, Palm Beach is full of secrets. They arrive to vet the Dellacortes and ask them about two questionable things they found, and it’s honestly shocking that they only found two causes of concern in their checkered past. Maxine’s was that she signed the feminist’s petition calling to eject Nixon from office, but she assures them that she is no feminist. As we have come to see, Maxine is arguably a feminist in action only. While she doesn’t identify as such, we’ve seen her (at times) embody those principles. For Douglas, the Secret Service brings up his very recent arrest, forcing him to explain (or rather lie) to Maxine about what he was doing in a gay bar with Robert — telling her they were putting together a surprise for her. But will these hiccups keep Nixon from coming? “If it were up to me, I wouldn’t let the president near this house of crooks,†one of the agents winkingly says, but ultimately he’s still coming.
Since Maxine let it slip that the feminists have set up camp at the Rollins mansion across the street, they decide to make the most of their trip to Palm Beach and raid the place. Just about all of them are arrested, save for Linda and the newly radical Mary, who witnesses the raid but narrowly avoids it. Emboldened by watching her new friends get hauled off in a paddy wagon, she hatches a bold plan. “This is all Richard Nixon’s fault. We could have killed him … and we still can,†she says. There is no such thing as too much Mary on this show. She’s a delight in any capacity, whether it’s shaking down Maxine for the fibs (a cause that she resolved by stealing her expensive cat statue) or threatening to kill the president. When Linda tries to talk her down, saying she wouldn’t want to call the cops, Mary realizes the two aren’t on the same page. So she has no choice but to knock Linda out with Maxine’s cat statue. Real history be damned; I hope this show ends with a Richard Nixon–versus-Mary showdown.
But before Nixon is taken down, Evelyn sees his presence as an opportunity to weasel her way back into the Beach Ball and thus snag herself a serious chunk of much-needed change. She demands that Maxine allow her to co-host the gala with her and give her half the profits — and if she doesn’t she’ll call in a bomb threat to send Nixon running. Forget making up a threat; just tell them about Mary! With her hands tied, Maxine has no choice but to oblige, putting the ever-entrepreneurial Evelyn in a plum situation. Not only is she raking in the Beach Ball’s dough, but she’s also found a lover in Dinah’s former flame, Eddie. But unlike Dinah, Evelyn doesn’t want to hide him in shame. She herself was in that position with Skeet, who kept her a secret — and despite being the spitting image of someone intent on keeping up appearances, she knows how that feels and doesn’t want to do it to someone else. Instead, she boldly invites him to the Beach Ball as her date. I’d imagine she’s also thrilled to be torturing Dinah in the process, so the old Evelyn must still be in there somewhere.
With Maxine and Douglas’s marriage in an already tough spot, there’s no better time for this heroic astronaut to swoop in and flirt with Maxine. While Douglas is trying to end things with Mitzi, blaming the tryst on being back in the world of Palm Beach, Maxine and the astronaut have gotten closer — giving us the chance to see how each member of this marriage handles temptation parallel to one another. Space Boy has volunteered to accompany Maxine’s Beach Ball musical performance — which brings back memories of SNL’s “Don’t make me sing†sketch — on piano, during which time he continues to flirt and even kisses her. Remember earlier in the season when Maxine was talking about how much she loved I Dream of Jeannie? Now, she’s got her very own Captain Tony Nelson, presented to her on a silver platter as the ideal man. And yet, even against a hyperbolically perfect suitor, Maxine still chooses Douglas. It’s a testament to her character, but also so deeply sad for the audience to see, given that we know he didn’t make the same choice. But perhaps choosing to go back to Maxine and send Mitzi away counts for something.
Something I’ve been wondering about all season is the backstory between Norma and Robert. The power dynamics and intentions between most of the other relationships on this show have been clear, but I’ve struggled to understand what exactly the deal is with those two. But now we’re finally starting to learn more. We see their very first meeting in a flashback at the beginning of the episode, in which Norma courts him to perform “certain tasks†around her big, lonely mansion — which makes it seem like the town gossip has been correct. But I’d be surprised if it was that cut and dry. Later, when Linda urges him to run away from Palm Beach for a fresh start, he declines, telling her he can’t leave Norma. I guess he’s only down to do that if there’s a prince involved? Anyway, he says that he feels responsible for her ailment, which would explain why he’s been so attentive. He says they got into a big fight the night she fell ill because he had a date, which she begged him not to go. Without him there, she gave herself her injection, but there was an air bubble in the syringe, causing the embolism.
We’ve known that there’s a deep loyalty there, and now know that it’s also tied to guilt. But will that loyalty be tested by his and Norma’s conflicting feelings about Maxine? He’s grown to love Maxine, whereas Norma has grown to try and murder her. And that plot is one that Robert is catching onto, first finding her gun and then the glass that accidentally poisoned Ann — who, by the way, thankfully survived. Had we lost her and her sassy little wig I’d have been bereft. Caught between Norma and Maxine, who will Robert choose? It’s a question he’s likely been able to put off with Norma being ill, but wait, there’s a twist — and not in one of Norma’s martinis.
When Robert goes to fetch her for the Beach Ball, he finds Norma standing up, martini in hand, and speaking crystal clear, she says, “Hello, Robert.†After instructing him to “tell no one†that she’s standing, she says she has something special planned for the ball tonight before sitting back down in the wheelchair. So what the hell is going on? Was this a secret miracle recovery, or had she been faking her illness — and if so, for how long? Was it all a long con to make her grandest gala entrance yet? And what’s this surprise? A second whale? Another attempt on Maxine’s life? Questions abound.
Shiny Sheet Headlines
• The Prince may be gone, but we’ve got a new closeted gay in town, in the form of the fedora-wearing federal agent — giving Robert someone new to dialogue with about sexuality.
• Amongst the Dellacorte’s infidelity woes, Maxine also finds out about Pinky and Douglas’s plan to turn their home into a new club — which he ultimately says won’t happen after all. But it does sow the seeds of mistrust and brings back up a long-held grudge. When Douglas says he wants to make her queen of Palm Beach, she says, “Says the man who made sure I wasn’t Miss Chattanooga.â€
• Ann’s not so happy to have been poisoned, which is understandable. Will the finale see her seeking revenge on Norma?