We have officially made it to episode three and have yet to see any Potomac taglines. What is the holdup? Were all the ghostwriters busy helping Rinna come up with terrible comeback lines on her disastrous one-woman campaign as the heel of the Housewives fandom? Bravo has officially outlasted Liz Truss’ reign as U.K. prime minister; if Beyoncé manages to get the Renaissance visuals out before I see a title card with the Grande Dame holding a Champagne flute on my screen, America has a problem on its hands.
Speaking of going low, we pick up right where we left off; with Gizelle clutching her pearls and telling Candiace in hushed tones how her interaction with Chris made her feel. All things considered, Candiace handled it quite well: She told her producer how inappropriate it was to create a storyline implying that her husband was a threatening presence, when Ashley’s soon-to-be-ex-husband continued to be welcomed around the cast after having repeated issues with inappropriate behavior leak to the press and land him court. The edited footage makes it seem like her ranting about Michael happens within earshot of Ashley and the gang, but that clearly isn’t the case, because when they ask Gizelle why Candiace is taking production to the side and if she’s okay, she feigns absolute cluelessness about what could have her so worked up, and proceeds to work on making amends with Mia in the same breath. It’s an infuriating position for Candiace to be in — as she has already disclosed on social media, she is someone who supports the Me Too movement and doesn’t want to be taken as dismissing a woman’s experiences, but when it seems so disingenuously brought up for the sake of a television storyline, how else is one supposed to take it but as an attempt to malign her husband?
Instead of throwing her sparkling apple juice on Gizelle’s synthetic wig, which she would have been fully in her rights to do in my book, she storms right out, showing remarkable growth and restraint from seasons past. “I ain’t giving y’all that,†she says in a fetching green confessional look. “Not today, Satan. Not today, Neck. Not today, Ankles.†We later find out in a sit-down with Robyn and the Bassetts that per Chris’s recollection of events, it was Gizelle who invited him to her room and he offered to keep the door open. I am not going to litigate the he said/she said of it all, but I will point out that the precipitating event from the reunion that they keep calling back to showcases Chris expressing his frustration to Candiace, Gizelle inviting herself to the conversation by asking “you mad?,†and Chris saying they can all discuss it further later. To Chris’s additional point, it is Gizelle who talks about Chris’s brown penis unprompted, to everyone’s disgust. Nothing upsets me more about this situation than seeing the perspective of a white man who occasionally slips into a blaccent, but here we are.
If I were a gambling person, I would bet part of the problem is that Gizelle may have what I’m going to call “lightskinned-itis.†That is to say, Gizelle has enjoyed a lifetime of being a fair-skinned, green-eyed beauty, the one in her girl group that people are generally drawn to — and whose family continually praises her as such — so she just assumes most men secretly want her in one way or another, and can’t fathom having regular interactions with the opposite gender without there being some sexual tension. Mia has that problem, too, hence her believing that Chris is into her when he’s not (although that B-roll from production at the spring fling showing him not staring at her was hilariously petty), but it’s more rooted in delusion than lived experience. It’s tragic because aging is going to hit Gizelle hard if that’s the main currency she operates in.
While Mia and Gizelle are busy making amends, Robyn and Wendy have an argument over semantics. Wendy claims she was going to give her the benefit of the doubt, but if it wasn’t true that Mia just should clear it up. Robyn believes Mia’s going through something, but you can’t say “go to Johns Hopkins Cancer Center for further evaluation†without saying the results. Robyn is largely still salty that Wendy walked up on the spring fling and threw them under the bus for a perspective that they all shared, although Wendy claims that she never called Mia a liar. This argument is silly and is only happening because Robyn and Wendy still can’t stand each other after last season. Robyn and Gizelle are taking deserved hits because they walked up on Mia in the middle of a party and Gizelle literally opened up a conversation by saying “cancer, no cancer?†Whether or not it is a concern shared by everyone, it was not a shared agreement to discuss it with Mia at an all-cast event. That said, I spit out my apple cider when I heard Wendy on a hot mic going, “she’s lying, so who cares?†I really wish whoever that Wendy is would come out and play instead of the girlboss storyline we are being beat over the head with.
On the housing front, both Ashley and Robyn are settling into new digs. I am genuinely happy to see Robyn out of that townhome and into a proper house for her family — I guess the sales for those satin-lined caps are really skyrocketing like she claimed — and now well on her way to securing her future. Ashley seems to be hustling a bit backwards. She didn’t realize that Michael had manipulated the reason behind wanting to buy the house under both of their names while they were still married; regardless, her prenup is void and she has the upper hand in their split, should she choose to go on the offense, so I am sure he is make generous accommodations for her and the kids because he realizes he needs to tread softly.
After a long cold war, Gizelle finally tears down the Berlin Wall and makes her way over to Karen’s house — and we get some light shed on how things have begun to play out in the group since Ashley’s dance class. Through the game of telephone, it has been relayed to Karen via Ashley and Mia that Chris has violated Gizelle’s boundaries, which means that, off camera, Robyn eventually relayed to Ashley what Gizelle’s “experience†was with Chris. From that interpretation, Karen believed that Chris owes Gizelle an apology. Over the course of Gizelle’s retelling, however, Karen realizes that Gizelle is sensationalizing a mild story — as she puts it, her face contorting in confusion, “how’d we go from conversation in a room to his word against yours?†Of course, all that the lady Bryant has to offer is that it was merely the fact that it was happening, even though she admits that Chris left immediately upon her request.
Karen explains to her that she has a right to her feelings, but she has to be careful with how she approaches something like this, and she should have done this without the group and without cameras. Gizelle’s rebuttal is that it wasn’t her that brought it to the group, it was Robyn, having told Mia over drinks and Ashley over their FaceTime and house shopping dates. Now, while that may be the case, she did tell Robyn on camera, so it was still going to be broadcast to the world one way or the other; but it’s interesting to see Gizelle point out that Robyn is the one spreading the seeds to the entire group while also getting credit for vocally being on Candiace and Chris’s side while the Bassetts demand that Gizelle walk all of her allegations back. Season seven may be the fall of Gizelle and the rise of Robyn as a force multiplier in her circa-2010 Rihanna Loud era; who could have seen that one coming?
Cherry Blossoms:
• What does Ray mean when he tells Karen that she can have eye candy? Is she allowed to hire hot fitness instructors and contractors to remodel the house? A pool boy? A manny?? I need answers!
• I have been exactly where Wendy is on the hair-thinning situation — I have had the same crisis with overwork, and it led to hair falling out, adult acne, and chronic pain. I hope she listens to her body early and stops thinking that the only way to live life is by accumulating as many accomplishments as possible. None of that matters if you’re not around to appreciate them.
• I really empathize with Candiace struggling with the egg freezing process — the stress of filming is affecting her deeply, and she can’t lean on her castmates for support, because they’re the source of her stress. It’s a terrible situation.
• I’m getting increasingly confused by this lumps situation with Mia — maybe I am recalling incorrectly, but weren’t the masses in her lungs? I do believe she is going through a health thing; I just don’t know what. It is starting to sound more like one cosmetic procedure too many causing weird fatty deposits than anything else. But hey, I am no one’s board-certified doctor, so don’t take my word for it.
• Gizelle on Karen: “She loves me … and I love how she loves me.â€
• Which husband is Karen referring to that hugged her so hard she needed to consult a minister about it? I’m going with Michael Darby.
• Genuinely laughed out loud at Juan Dixon’s indifference to a prenup being based in his conviction that he will rebound financially. Men are nothing if not impossibly confident.