Do you know what I’m excited about from this RHOC finale? This is the first time in years that I haven’t immediately finished the season and then had to write some kind of article about how to save the show. The show is officially saved. Welcome back. May it never go to the dark side again.
The episode begins with Jenn showing all the ladies her engagement ring, which includes a rock in the center that is the size of at least two Monopoly hotels. It’s a good thing Indiana Jones wasn’t around or else the boulder on Jenn’s finger would have rolled right off and tried to find a way to squash him as he ran for safety with some kind of magical artifact. How much illegal gambling money did Ryan spend on that thing? Oh, yeah. Get into it because that’s how the episode ends, with everyone questioning Jenn’s relationship and whether or not she should marry a man who is, if not a criminal, at least besties with one.
We have to sit through several inconsequential meetings: Tamra listens to her daughter’s bedroom core-pop music, Heather congratulates her son on hating college but sticking with it, and Katie’s daughter Kaili officially changed her last name to Ginella. Meanwhile, Alexis shows up at Tamra’s with Clorox wipes “for all the shit we’re going to talk†because Alexis is cornier than the Jolly Green Giant’s turds. When they chat, Tamra says that Shannon is trying to ruin Tamra’s friendship with Jenn. Say what? That’s the one thing about this show I never believed: Jenn and Tamra are friends. As soon as Jenn came on the scene, Tamra attacked her, coming after her man and saying terrible things about her. Shannon didn’t need to intervene to “ruin†their “friendshipâ€; I don’t see a friendship that could possibly be ruined.
There’s also a scene where Travis tries to help Gina assemble furniture, and you know this man is in it for the long haul because who is going to Allen wrench together some Ikea unless you are absolutely in love with the person? I want to apologize to Gina for talking shit about her decision to have Travis move out, because I finally realized it was about her getting her kids out of a bad situation between Travis and his ex where they would be collateral damage just like Gina was collateral damage in the fight between Shannon and Tamra. Sorry about that, Gina. I always loved you.
Then it’s time for the big finale party, which is Jenn’s engagement party. Alexis Couture has the idea to throw a tacky bridesmaid dress party, and that is perhaps the first good and original theme that a Housewife has ever thought up on this show. I begrudgingly admit that Alexis did a thing. However, when everyone arrives, they really deliver. Gina and Katie are both in royal blue with lots of ruffles and matching tights. Heather is wearing a periwinkle gown that looks like a dry Swiffer orgy. Emily is wearing the dress she actually got married in, and if her husband was anyone other than Shane, then I feel like he might be upset about it. But then out comes Alexis in this dark-green gown that is formfitting and off one shoulder. It’s not giving bridesmaid, it’s not giving tacky, it’s not giving anything.
Now, I tip my hat to a Housewife who decides the theme is tacky for everyone else but then gets to dress perfectly. (See Kenya Moore when she tried to make Porsha Williams dress as Halle Berry from B.A.P.S.) However, this is such a dereliction of duty she should be fined by the producers. Emily, whose distaste for Alexis is my 125th favorite thing about her, says, “I thought if anyone could nail tacky, it would be Alexis, but she looks … normal. [Pregnant pause] For once.â€
Also at the party is Jo De La Rosa, one of the OG-est of the OG Housewives, who apparently worked with Ryan back in the day just before she started filming this show way back in 2006. (How are we all this old?) I love a cameo by a Housewife Emeritus, especially when it’s organic. I didn’t even hate Victoria Denise Gunvalson Jr. when she arrived with Shannon Beador. Katie asks Vicki why she’s not talking to Tamra, and Vicki says she’s never going to change Tamra, so she’s just going to wish her well.
Man, oh man, did Tamra have a terrible season, and she kind of brought it on herself, and she decided she’s taking everyone down with her. “Tamra honestly is just the type of person that it’s not enough for her to burn down the bridge; she’s gonna burn down the entire fucking town,†Gina says. Yeah, and that town is currently on fire and everyone is rushing for a hose.
The thing about Tamra is that she is, technically, right. After Shannon’s DUI, she should have probably gone to rehab and quit drinking. All of us knew that Ryan was an absolute scuzzbucket. This man is grosser than the before shots of the pool-restoration videos that infest my TikTok FYP. (Just like Gen Z, I find them so satisfying.) But even though Tamra is right, she doesn’t have to be such an asshole about it. She didn’t need to shout down Shannon and call her a drunk at every turn. She didn’t need to bring up Ryan’s FBI shit at Katie’s party, and she surely didn’t need to put her FBI hat on at lunch when the ladies assembled to talk about his involvement in this money-laundering scandal.
In the last recap, I said that Tamra and Shannon are both shit sandwiches, but at least Tamra is honest about who she is. I would like to amend that a bit based on Gina’s and Jenn’s comments in this episode. Gina says that the difference between Shannon and Tamra is that Shannon seems to be working on herself, and when she apologizes, she might actually change her behavior in the future. Jenn says the same about Shannon when confronted with Tamra and Shannon doing a background check on Ryan. Maybe the difference is that Shannon used to be a shit sandwich and is now trying to get the turd out from between her buns. (She did the same thing in the last episode in a much more literal fashion.) Tamra, however, continues to be like, “Step right up, ladies and gentlemen, and take a big bite of the original recipe shit sandwich. We won’t change the ingredients for anyone.†So, yeah, maybe that does make Shannon a little bit better.
But is Shannon ever really going to change? At Jenn’s party, after they get all the Housewives in attendance together, Shannon launches into this tirade for no reason about how she’s not talking to Tamra and she’s setting healthy boundaries, so now when she says, “I’m done,†she really means that she’s done and is leaving. As I said about a similar statement last episode, that is not growth. The growth would be staying, confronting the hard conversation, and putting it to rest.
However, this Storms-(Beador)-off leads to one of the kookiest and wildest scenes of the whole season. Shannon leaves and goes into the venue and is confronted by Katie’s husband, the straight Tim Cook. He’s just standing there, thumbing through his phone, trying to avoid the soon-to-be-convicted felons at the party who are introducing people to their money launderers. He asks Shannon what happened out of what seems like goodwill and/or journalistic curiosity. She gives him her line about how when she says she’s done, then she’s done.
This is when it really goes left. “Maybe it’s time to walk away,†he says, seeming to offer friendly advice. I think the disconnect is it’s unclear what he means. Does he mean that Shannon should walk away from this situation because it’s toxic? Then it’s just an anodyne comment. I think Shannon read it as “maybe it’s time you walk away [from this series so my wife Katie can be a star].†Shannon tells him that statement angers her and that she’s the strongest person in the group. I don’t know. I think a strong person would stick around for an uncomfortable conversation, but that has never been our SSB.
Matt then asks Shannon, “Then why are you here with me … telling me you’re melting down?†Shannon asks if he’s trying to argue with her, and he asks if she’s trying to argue with him because, after all, he’s just there checking the score of the Spikes game. (Are the Spikes a team? In anything?) How is Shannon spoiling for a fight with the most mild-mannered guy there? And why is telling her to walk away “inappropriate,†as she later tells Katie? I have no clue what happened here, and I could watch this scene a million times.
A scene that was much better and much clearer happened when Emily confronted Katie about the comments her kids supposedly made about Heather Dubrow. The thing about this fight is that one set of kids is lying, and I don’t want to talk about kids and whether or not they’re telling the truth. Katie apologized to Emily, which she should, but, honey, she is done with Heather. As Katie is explaining to Emily that she and Kaili were just giggling about how Emily’s kids think Heather is mean, Heather gets all mad that they were laughing about it. Katie tells Heather, “You’re always putting your nails in my face and shutting me up and I’m over it.†Yes, that is exactly it. Katie tried to make nice with Heather, she tried to get on her good side, but every time she did, Heather just stuck her finger in Katie’s face and wouldn’t let her talk.
Now that Katie knows there is no winning, she’s not soft-pedaling anymore and she’s not trying to play nice. When Heather says that Katie is boring and she lies, Katie says, “I’m not lying. You lied, and you swore on your kids, and you lied.†Yes! Katie! Tell her she lied! Because, need I remind you, in this household, we believe Heather Dubrow (or someone in her orbit) called that pap. If it’s coming down to who is lying and who the fans believe, I think they’re going to be pretty solidly on Katie’s side. This is Heather’s Achilles’ heel; she always underestimates the new girl and thinks they won’t be around long enough for her to bother. She wouldn’t give Noella Bergener the time of day, but we didn’t mind so much because she was nuttier than Mr. Peanut’s thong. Heather literally told producers it was her or Kelly Dodd back in season 11, and the producers said, “Okay, it’s Kelly Dodd,†and Heather got her ass (prematurely) fired. Now that it seems like Katie might be sticking around, Heather is going to have something she hasn’t dealt with since her return: an enemy. Man, this reunion is gonna sizzle.
As great as those scenes with the Ginellas were, the episode ends with Jenn having to confront the news about Ryan’s involvement in this money-laundering scandal. Now, it seems like Ryan is doing the right thing and working with law enforcement, but he’s also been offered immunity, so it’s not like he’s doing this out of the kindness of his heart. But, come on, Jenn. Ryan being into shady stuff with shady people is as clear as the “DALE†patch on the pocket of that ridiculous shirt he’s wearing.
Jenn goes to Katie’s house to talk to her and Gina about it. Gina tells her right to her face that this is a bad relationship and that she is putting herself and her kids in the line of fire. She’s right! This is a Carmela Soprano situation. Yes, Ryan has stood by Jenn, not cheated on her, and taken care of her kids. But if he’s making his money in a criminal enterprise, it’s only a matter of time until the slime and blood splatter gets all over Jenn and those close to her. But she won’t leave; she can’t leave. This is what Jenn has been built for: to be with a man she does not question, to do what everyone else tells her, and not to have her own ideas. Jenn, while possibly the best person on the show, is too meek and too little in her own estimation.
We’ve seen this platform give so many women so much power. Just look at Gina from when she started the show with those horrible extensions until now. The same thing can happen to Jenn if she would just let it, let the magic seep inside, let her ego settle in and grow, let the fans pump her up on social media, let fame replace whatever emptiness is in her heart, and, hopefully, from that fame, the seeds of the money tree will grow. We’ll have to wait for next season to see it, but for the first time in forever, I’m convinced it will be amazing.