Oh what a dastardly trick those editors played on us. They spent the whole episode building up Copper Topp, making us think that she was being wrongfully maligned by her fellow queens and that she would make some sort of triumphant return to snatch the crown (ugh, am I in a lyric-writing challenge?) from the very ones who were mean to her. Uh, nope. She was sent home. All of that negativity wasn’t just in her head; it was, you know, realer than getting kicked in the nuts at your own birthday party.
The episode starts off on a high note for Mx. Topp if you’re nasty, fresh off her RuPeter Badge win in last week’s girl-group challenge. But that won’t last for long. Ru comes into the work room and tells the girls that there is a mini-challenge called the Naff-Tas. This is a pun on the BAFTAs, or the British Academy of Film and Television Arts awards, which are English Oscars, essentially. Combine that with the word “naff,†which is British for something that is sort of tacky but also pedestrian, and voila, the Naff-Tas.
These awards are voted on by the queens and whoever wins each title gets a giant cross-eyed statue of RuPaul to take home. (They should sell those things on WOW Presents Plus because I can’t be the only person who wants to own one.) Even though the girls have to get in “quick drag,†this isn’t much of a challenge. I guess the challenge is that they all have to stand there and take it even though their friends are all slagging them off on national television — and by national television I mean the nations of England, Scotland, Wales, and Northern Ireland, and by television I mean a streaming channel on the BBC app.
Black Peppa wins “Beast in Show,†meaning she is the best actress. Hoorah! Copper Topp wins the Best Background Actress in a Non-speaking Role, meaning she fades into the … wait, who were we talking about? Danny Beard is a shoo-in for Best Scene Stealing Attention Grabbing Camera Hog but, honestly, just to be cast is to be a shoo-in for this award. Unless you’re Starlet. Baby is named the Best Actress Resting on Pretty even though I do not think she is resting nor is she the most pretty. Finally, Sminty Drop is the Best Hot Mess and we hold these truths to be self-evident. Wait, no Trade of the Season? You cowards. I vote for Cheddar Gorgeous because I have a feeling that his cheddar is also really gorgeous, if you catch my drift.
Everyone sort of knows that these awards mean nothing and that they’re just there to stir up drama. The girls were asked some questions, they answered, and it’s all fun and games. Well, no one gave Copper Topp that memo. She announces in the workroom that she wants to know who voted for her because she does not think she is fading into the background. As Baby tells her, maybe you should listen to your sisters because everyone else thinks that your drag name is Horton because no one else can hear you, who.
The maxi-challenge is the dreaded design challenge and pairs of two must come up with complimentary outfits based on the fabric that they get in a color-coded box. (Before I started waxing, my box was color-coded too.) The twist is that the pairs are determined by the Brit Crew’s random draw of the bingo ball. The Fickle Finger of Fate finger-blasts together Le Fil and Sminty, Baby and Dakota Schiffer, Cheddar and Copper Topp, Danny Beard and Pixie Polite, and Peppa and JB (the drag queen formerly known as *&^%$ Blonde).
Alright, ladies and gentlenonbinaries, it is time for my favorite part of every season, the moment we find out who was smart enough to learn how to sew before going on the show and who wasn’t. Okay, who can’t sew? Oh, wait, it’s everyone? There is not one queen who knows how to draw a pattern or work a sewing machine? That can’t be true. The only one who praises her own skills is Copper Topp, but even she says her experience is limited. That is what led me to believe she would be on top(p). As everyone is talking trash about her, she is rising above and will silently slay them with her Home Ec 101 craftsmanship.
The pair we should really be worried about is Sminty and Le Fil, mostly because Sminty is freaking out about all of the blue fabric she got because she doesn’t love any of it. We also see her lying on her side to trace her head to make a hood and it seems like she’s going to end up with hot glue all over her wig. Peppa and JB look like they’re making the second most common mistake after not learning how to sew: taking on a project that is way too big for them. Peppa wants to do this thing where she cuts out strips of fabric and then weaves them together like the lies you used to tell your mother so that you could sneak out and go to midnight screenings of the Rocky Horror Pictures Show in high school.
Our first indication that Copper is in trouble comes when Danny offers to lend her a pair of black boots that would match Cheddar’s and would go well with their gold ensemble. Copper says she has it all figured out because she’s going for a Barbarella fantasy (which was the name of the LSD tabs I took at a Lollapalooza in the late ’90s) and the white boots are going to be a hit. Not a good sign.
While everyone is hustling around the workroom trying to salvage their selvedge (a sewing pun!), Pixie and Danny have a very sweet moment while beating their faces. Danny tells us about his (very handsome) partner who drives him all around the country so that he can “sing to 15 people in a dark room,†and it is the first time I have choked up all season. Give Danny the Olivia Colman Honorary Award for Best Cry Face Naff-ta.
Then Pixie tells us that she and Tia Kofi weren’t just in a drag girl group together, they were in a relationship for about five years and that they recently broke up. Pixie says it was because of “decisions I made.†Does that mean Pixie cheated? Does that mean Pixie was jealous and cut up all of Tia’s wigs? I mean, the possibilities are endless and I am dying for all of this tea …or coffee. Just scald me with the gossip, sisters.
The girls then go around the room talking about their love lives and Cheddar says that she always had a hard time finding people who would date her because of her drag career. Lame. Le Fil then tells us that she mostly dates straight guys who are with a man for the first time, but they’re often not ready to be in a real relationship. She says she’s not butch enough for gay dudes (double lame) and that she’s androgynous enough for straight dudes but then they don’t want to be out in public with her. There are so many gay porn sites predicated on the idea of sleeping with straight boys, and Le Fil gets to do it as much as she wants but it’s miserable. Never believe the fantasy. Unless your fantasy is a middle-aged reality-television-show recapper. Then believe it, send nudes, and get in an Uber over to my house immediately.
Sminty and Le Fil come out on the runway, and it’s way cuter than I originally anticipated, like they’re both slutty blue Teletubbies. Sminty’s hood with the curl sticking out looks amazing, as does her barely-there skirt with the sparkly tights underneath. Le Fil has all of the fabric tied around her crotch in a knot (no tucking necessary) and swaddling around the top. I’m totally getting complimentary. Solid work.
Peppa and JB are an unmitigated disaster. It’s a pale-mint color that washes them both out, especially JB. Both outfits look unfinished with the tatters hanging off of them. The weaving technique is cool, but it’s such a pale color that you almost can’t see the contrast. The only way you can see it is with Peppa’s outfit settling into a pool of melted mint-chocolate-chip ice cream around her midsections. She’s holding onto her skirt for dear life and has to admit to Ru it turned all the way around so the zipper was in the front while walking down the runway.
Danny and Pixie, rather than doing complimenting outfits, do twinsies. They’re like the dancing-bumblebee emoji except they’re both going to the bingo parlor. Oh, wait, aren’t these all supposed to be bingo-parlor dresses? Whatever happened to that? Anyway, they’re in simple purple dresses with black tights, little gloves, and hair bigger than Alan Carr’s collection of used poppers bottles. Danny and Pixie told Ru earlier they were going to keep it simple and sexy and they delivered.
Dakota and Baby, after getting very little attention during the construction process, come out and rock the whole damn runway so hard it is in tatters somewhere near Slough. They got the black box and used shiny fabric to make short dresses, Baby’s with a bubble skirt and Dakota’s with bubble sleeves. They accent this with some Versace print and the whole thing is reading fashion, fashion, fashion. They look like Romy and Michele if the movie was made next week. Perfection.
When Copper and Cheddar first walked out together I was stunned. They both have on golden outfits but Copper is the hero and Cheddar the villain. An excellent concept that totally explains why Copper would have on those white boots. But when the judges pick it for the bottom it makes sense. Copper’s is sloppy, especially around the crotch, and her fall of fabric isn’t nearly as exciting as Cheddar’s, which looks like a copper scrubbie pad took over her torso. That’s a compliment.
They’re on the bottom along with the obviously horrible Peppa and JB. Dakota and Baby take an easy and well-deserved win. Ru makes the shocking decision of not eliminating one duo but breaking them up. Really? If you have a pair and make them face off, that is way more drama. As soon as she says that it will be Black Peppa versus Copper Topp, we know which end of this Duracell is going to win. Would Ru really send home Peppa, who already has a solo win and has shown way more promise, to keep the one fading into the background? No way. The editing might have thrown me off all episode, but in the end the inevitability was perfectly queer — I mean clear. Copper Topp didn’t just fade into the background; she faded all the way to the train station for a short trip home.