SAAAAAAAAAM! SAMANTHA MILLER! You are breaking my tiny, cold heart into a million little pieces, and I need you to stop it right now. I don’t know about any of you, but I watched several scenes of Somebody Somewhere’s penultimate episode (again, heartbreak) peeking through my hands while covering my eyes like I was watching some (adorable) horror film. When Sam went on her date with Iceland, I felt like a mama bird who sent her baby bird out into the world, and all I could do was watch that sweet baby bird try to be brave and do things outside of her comfort zone. My anxiety level is only now coming back down to normal. The thing is, the date goes so well! Or, it does until Sam gives up on herself partway through. She’s had issues in the past with not giving other people a chance — Tricia called her out on this last season during Sam’s fight with Joel — but if anything, this season really shows us that the person Sam refuses to give a chance to is herself. I’m Mr. Holland’s Opus–ing just thinking about it.
The structure of this episode — written and directed by Lennon Parham — is a wonder. While it is most definitely about The Date and Sam putting herself out there and the aftermath of that, it is also very much about Sam and Joel finding their way back to each other. Even though Sam confronted her friend about sharing her personal shit with his boyfriend, things between them haven’t been exactly the same. Sure, part of the reason Sam hasn’t talked much about Iceland is because she’s scared and defeatist and overwhelmed, but the fact that she has confided about the entire situation with Tricia before Joel is telling.
The episode is bookended with conversations between the two friends. On the first day of the date (although not even we, the audience, know this yet), Sam and Joel meet up at the Chef, where she doesn’t mention anything about her plans. Admittedly, they have a lot to talk about since Joel comes in hot, having just caused a fender bender — his outsize reaction to it would have you believe he just killed someone — while getting too invested and emotional over the episode of Glennon Doyle’s We Can Do Hard Things podcast he’s listening to. The reveal that the person Joel hit was the tiniest, oldest woman and his “what have I done?†reaction is top tier. Sam can see Joel is spiraling, and it’s she who brings up having a sleepover like they used to, with ’tinis and tickle fights and maybe some sobbing over Richard Dreyfuss’s greatest role. It’s exactly what Joel needs, and while he doesn’t know it since he’s the only one crying here, it’s exactly what Sam needs too.
Tricia is the only one who susses out what Sam’s up to, and on the list of Somebody Somewhere characters who would most help ease anxiety, she would be at the bottom. (Even if she was so lovely just a few short episodes ago, reminding Sam that nobody knows what they’re doing, etc., I’m still crying about it.) Yelling at Sam as she walks out the door to think about her outfit and put a curl in her hair and definitely consider lip gloss isn’t exactly offering the most calming presence, but moments later we see that Sam does in fact take all of that advice. This scene, in which Sam is getting ready for her date, is yet another example of how Somebody Somewhere operates on a higher level than so much of what’s on TV. It’s quiet and short, and yet it tells us everything we need to know about how Sam is feeling. She keeps changing shirts, keeps messing with her hair, and finally she breaks down into tears. Then she gathers herself up, tries to remind herself this isn’t a big deal, and writes herself a little note. We see exactly how nervous and scared she is — but more important, we see her resilience. Friends, she is still going on this date. Later, she’ll tell Joel that she really is trying so hard to make positive changes in her life, and we know she’s telling the truth — we see it right here.
One of the best things about Sam Miller is the fact that even through her crippling self-esteem issues and her fears of rejection and abandonment, the woman cannot help but be herself. She never tries to cover up who she is — she doesn’t get a whole new wardrobe for this date or pretend that she’s feeling confident and carefree knocking on Iceland’s door. She is endearingly open with him about how nervous she is, and, yes, she would very much like Wesley around to be her emotional support pup. But Iceland’s nervous, too — and he definitely combed his hair for this. He is so into her.
Their little walkabout date is so awkward and wonderful. Eventually, Sam even admits that she wrote a list of things to talk about in case things got weird. Iceland demands to read it and answer every question she has for him about dogs, music, and Iceland. You guys, when Sam makes another self-deprecating joke, and Iceland says matter-of-factly, “I don’t like how you always put yourself down,†I had to pause the episode. I had to process. What a thing to say! I guess my bar is on the floor, but what a perfect and lovely thing to say to this woman. Iceland!!
Their conversation is flirty in its own special way, things are going great, and the moment seems right for Iceland to lean in for a sweet kiss. It’s great … until it’s not. Sam is overwhelmed. She starts crying and backs away. Iceland is worried he upset her, but it wasn’t anything he did. Sam utters one devastating sentence as an explanation: “Maybe I don’t have the emotional infrastructure for this.†They continue to walk — Iceland so badly wants to fix this — but you know Sam is in her head about it now, and any magic that was brewing is gone.
I’ve never been more thankful that Sam and Joel have already planned to do in-person tuck-ins that night. The evening starts by addressing Joel’s current mental state, which is, uh, not great. Sam knows the sobbing over the minor car bump isn’t really about the car or the sweet old lady, and sure enough, Joel breaks down into tears talking about how good his life is, how great things are with Brad and with Sam, and yet he feels like something is missing. “What’s wrong with wanting a little bit more?†Sam asks. When Sam brings up religion, he really starts crying. She thinks he should go see Pastor Deb, even if he feels like he’s burned that bridge. Why doesn’t he just try and see what happens? What’s the harm in trying?
But soon Joel turns the heart-to-heart to Sam. He wants to know about her life. And she finally opens up to him about Iceland and the date and the kiss. When he asks her how she’s feeling about all this, I can’t imagine he’s anticipating the vulnerable, heartbreaking answer she gives. She tells him how much she likes Iceland and how all of this brings up deep, deep-seated feelings of self-hate. “I just keep thinking about what if he got to know me … how could he want that?â€
The sentiment is more than enough to break your heart, thinking about how Sam still sees herself, but you know what really brought me to tears? The speed with which Joel responds, “How could he not?†Full disclosure: I am tearing up right now just writing about it. Everybody needs a friend like Joel. This is not news, but it deserves to be repeated.
Joel turns Sam’s advice around on her: Why don’t you just try and see what happens? And the episode ends with this second conversation between the two friends, laughing and crying and fucking up some doughnuts together. Sam and Joel’s friendship is stronger than it’s ever been, and both of them are better off because of it.
Tender Moments
• Only Somebody Somewhere could find a perfect metaphor for Sam working hard to make changes in her life in those gross foot peels. Sam tells Joel how the peel they’re doing for their slumber party works: First, it’ll be horrifying, then it’ll be disgusting, and then you’ll have the babiest, softest feet you ever did see. In life, sometimes, you’ll have to shed parts of the old you and it’ll be hard and maybe gross and definitely scary, but, oh baby, on the other end of it? That’s the good stuff.
• “What? Sometimes I just wanna be a bad, bad boy!†Fred tells Joel and Sam when he’s caught picking up a cheeseburger and fries at the Chef. Fred Rococo forever!!
• Why am I so proud of Tricia for being so good at her job? When she practices her cancer-research fundraising-event presentation for Mitch with Sam, I just wanted to hug her. It’s that mama bird energy this show brings out, I’m telling you. While I can’t hug a fictional character (yet), I’ll settle for Sam and Tricia’s manifest chant/gigglefest.
• “Well, if you don’t like ‘Clair de lune,’ you’re an asshole, right?â€