We are honored and thrilled to open today’s Southern Hospitality recap with our obligatory Joe Bradley mention! Sure, technically this week’s episode kicks off as a continuation of Leva dressing down her employees for … getting featured dancing while scantily clad on a nonemployee’s Instagram Story. Sure! Sure. But this one really opens with a gift for the gays and girls in the audience as our “What’s the cast up to?†montage glides breezily past an extended shot of Joe Bradley butt naked, no censoring, in the shower. Later on, in what I am deeming an homage to Tom Sandoval shaving his forehead on Vanderpump Rules, Joe Bradley takes a trimmer to his golden pecs. A star is born.
We pick things up with the world against Grace “Juhlilly†Lilly yet again and the Southern Hospitality staffers reeling from last week’s drama. “I look up to you and Leva as role models,â€Â M3gan’s sister tells LucÃa as they both suck on Blow Pops, a candy I genuinely didn’t know was still in circulation, while digesting the prior episode’s fights. “Good vibes only, wavy baby. Let’s fucking go,†she adds. New Year, same Juhlilly, folks!
Meanwhile, Leva has decided to reward Juhlilly — a combination of Drag Race’s Sugar and Spice with only a tenth of their combined self-awareness — with her own theme night at Bourbon N’ Bubbles, called “Cloud 9 Thursdays,†which, no, isn’t a weed or meth reference but, yes, is a reference to a cotton-candy cocktail and “throwback tracks all night†and “Hubba Bubba pink.†Basically, it’s giving Dylan’s Candy Bar meets Barbie Dreamhouse at the intersection of “I Never Grew Up†Boulevard and “This Isn’t How I Really Speak†Lane. “It’s Grace’s world, and we’re all fucking living in it, actually,†says LucÃa in summation of both the conversation and the series as a whole. All that said, I’d love an invitation, thanks so much.
I could pause here to try to unpack Juhlilly’s “revelation†that she has been through four (“that I know ofâ€) spiritual awakenings in her life — including the new bit of information that she was once sent away by a judge for joyriding in a stolen vehicle as a teen — but I don’t think my doctor or therapist would advise I take that detour. Please feel free to discuss this in the comments!
At the Cloud 9 party, the first Southern Hospitality star to show up is (obligatory second mention) … Joe Bradley for approximately 45 seconds! “I like a good comeback story,†he says before ducking out. Later, Bradley (about whom we’ve truly learned nothing this season, but more on that later), Mikel (about whom we’ve learned everything), Mia, and LucÃa join the party, as does Reagan, a former Republic server who, Juhlilly tells us, quit once “she met her rich boyfriend … and that’s why you work at a place [like] Republic: ballers with money!â€
Leva joins, too, to tell Grace Lilly how proud of her she is for, essentially, buying a few pink flowers, macarons, and cotton candy. One day I would like to be thanked for doing the bare minimum too, so I can’t hate.
It becomes clear immediately why Reagan was introduced with such grand fanfare at the Cloud 9 soirée: She’s back to join the staff at Republic once again, and not everyone (Maddi, Maddi, and Maddi) is thrilled to see her! When Leva drops the news in a staff meeting, Maddi’s face crumples, her eyes involuntarily shoot daggers, her lip quivers, and she quickly lets us know why. “Reagan is a bullshitter and a liar and a cheater,†she says, followed by an unintentionally delightful Juhlilly confessional: “Sometimes the hottest girls get the most shit.â€
Here’s the (condensed) backstory: Reagan slept with her Republic co-worker Bradley, who had a girlfriend at the time. Reagan also had a boyfriend at the time, the same rich guy she’s still dating, who swept her off her feet during her first Republic stint. Reagan also hooked up with Will, now of Will-and-Emmy relationship status, for about a month, but he was single then, though he claims she lied to him the entire time about something. Mia hypothesizes that the VIP servers who hate Reagan do so only because they wish they were her, including Maddi. “She and Emmy need to watch their relationships because karma’s a bitch,†Reagan tells Mia. Later, we learn that Reagan is sitting on “a bomb†about Maddi and Trevor’s relationship, one that Bradley knows, too, but refuses to explain other than it has something to do with peanut butter. Okay! You’re caught up!
Not to compare blondes, but Reagan is giving the same energy as Stassi walking back into Vanderpump Rules after fleeing her friends and the show for a new boyfriend and a new failed life in New York City for half a season. Some people love her; others are frightened enough by her to genuflect; others are ready to wage war for petty but compelling enough reasons. It’s too early to say if Reagan will live up to that perfect reality-TV blend of toxic, unhinged, and star quality that Stassi possessed, but consider us watching with both eyes wide open.
I really love how many ways the gang finds to hang out with one another outside work. Normally I don’t condone that, but for a reality show predicated on relationships that exist in and out of the workplace, I’m all for it, including this week’s cast trip to a Charleston RiverDogs game. I’m learning so much about sports (NASCAR, minor-league baseball) from this fine program!
Emmy, our real Southern Hospitality breakout, gets permission from Will to piss off Juhlilly — the glitter left in Times Square the morning after New Year’s Eve — by flirting with the boy she brought to the game. LucÃa says she hates that Emmy is using her sexuality to antagonize Juhlilly, but I’m sorry — this feels totally fair game to me after the way Juhlilly has conducted herself with every other woman in the group this entire season.
Joe Bradley — who asks for and receives a promotion from Leva, who tells him he’s now “director of VIP sales for Republic DMG†— continues his cross-episode make-out journey with Mia, macking it up for the kiss cam. I am truly happy for these hot lovebirds, even if Joe Bradley later admitted that he wants Maddi to feel jealous, all while painting Maddi’s closet for her with his shirt unbuttoned to his navel. “At the end of the day, Joe and Mia are just not made for each other,†Maddi says in a confessional. Frankly? Joe and Maddi need to kiss at this point. Also? I love Joe Bradley, and I pray reality-TV stardom does not change him!
We wrap the episode at Reagan’s birthday dinner (come on — newbie getting a starring role and major event in her debut!), and believe it or not, things go south fast! In attendance at the dinner: Reagan, Juhlilly, LucÃa, Joe Bradley, Bradley, TJ, and Mia. Those not invited to the dinner gather for drinks nearby, stewing and simmering with rejection, giving them ample time to get ready to metaphorically swing on the birthday girl and her minions.
When the parties converge, the revelry ceases. “It’s like the-last-meal-with-Jesus vibes,†says Emmy, a star, who’s correct because we quickly escalate to hurled accusations and cross-table shouting and fist-banging. Will is the first to bring the “Bradley slept with Reagan when she had a boyfriend†rumor to the surface, telling Bradley that he’s become known around town for sleeping with partnered women. “His daddy is a laaaaaaawyer. Look at him go!†Reagan drawls calmly as Will gets angrier, moving on to the evidence portion (suspicion, evidence, and confession are our three pillars) of his argument.
Remember that “bomb†we mentioned earlier, the one Reagan and Bradley supposedly had on Maddi and Trevor’s relationship? You’ll be shocked to know it detonates the second Bradley is cornered, and it’s … kind of a nothingburger? In short, Bradley accuses Emmy of sleeping with Trevor at some point in the past, including a hookup in which (sorry in advance) “you were licking peanut butter off his dick, and that’s cool with Maddi?â€
The best part: Emmy immediately cops to the truth, admitting she did, in fact, lick peanut butter off Trevor’s dick during a hookup, “which isn’t my proudest moment … I think I kind of just put it on the tip, if I’m being honest. I didn’t make a whole corn dog out of it.†I wonder how Leva will feel watching this one! I offer my prayers to these kids, some of whom I don’t think will make it out of the season as Republic employees.
Leva Leftovers
• Again, medically and spiritually I can’t get into it, but Juhlilly’s soliloquy about being a pirate in a former life is certainly something!
• “Why would I even go and support Grace? She has fucking candles and crystals for that; she can save herself.†—Emmy, this week’s MVP, in a gorgeous confessional read for the ages
• Juhlilly begging to be filmed (and being refused) by the minor-league baseball team’s kiss cam is actually prestige television.
• In another round of Meet the Parents, we get flashback photos of Joe Bradley’s dad, whom I would like to see more of immediately because WOOF.
• Shout-out to the Domino’s pizza boxes on the table during the final fight of the night. You are the true heroes!