While almost everyone on The Buccaneers has most likely made the Naughty List this Christmas, sitting at the top of St. Nick’s notes has to be Lord James Seadown. Instead of giving him a stocking full of coal, might we just fill that stocking with the coal and beat Seadown’s face with it? I’m not one to condone violence, but for this man? At this moment? Even Santa Claus would be on board. Toss him into the ocean! Fire up the ol’ Guy Fawkes effigy and throw Seadown on top of it. The man is a menace and he must be stopped. Unfortunately, everyone seems pretty powerless against him, even if his plans for chaos and cruelty backfire. At least now that he’s made Nan well aware that he’s capable of more than just being that tall dude with the real creepy vibe, Nan can figure out some way to deal with him. Nan has a real “you come for me, you best not miss†way about her, and in his attempt to take Nan down a peg or two and pull Jinny further away from the people who love her, Seadown most definitely misses.
It’s Christmas at one of the various Tintagel estates, and while the English half of our crew is slurping tea together in silence, the Americans and their various betrotheds are hurling snowballs all over the front lawn. Americans are loud and brash and just love throwing frozen water at each other, haven’t you heard? While people seem in good spirits, there’s a lot of tension waiting to bubble up into something more, as is Christmas tradition. It’s the first time Nan has seen Guy since their roller coaster of a Guy Fawkes Day. She’s definitely thinking about their quite satisfying hard-core make-out session and that missing telegram full of his deepest desires, but she’s not not thinking about how Guy went to New York to find himself a rich wife and save his family from ruin, which means everything she thought she knew might be based on lies and deceit. It’s quite complicated!
When Guy Thwarte shows up for the holidays wearing a chunky knit turtleneck as if he has just stepped out of the 2010 J.Crew catalogue, the first thing he wants to do is set things straight. Actually, the first thing he wants to do is reveal that he’s been hanging out with Jean all this time and she’s accompanying him for Christmas. Then, apparently, the second thing he wants to do, the moment he finds Nan by herself, is say, “I was just eating a walnut,†which I guess is the new “I carried a watermelon.†Okay, so that means setting things straight is actually the third thing Guy wants to do, and third is better than never at all. This! Man! He knows all the right things to say (aside from the walnut thing), and also the way he looks at Nan; well, it could melt all the snow out on the lawn, okay? He wants Nan to understand that, yes, he did go to New York thinking that securing a rich wife might solve his problems, but that was before he met her: “When I met you, it was immediately, entirely real.†Nan might need more convincing, but I do not. That boy is the saddest, and he is definitely in love.
Sure, Nan and Guy still clearly have feelings for each other, but at the moment, it seems like things are in a livable place. Nan is focused on Theo, and Theo and Guy have made up — Theo asks Guy to be his best man and they hug it out — and Guy seems like he might be okay removing himself from this angst-ridden love triangle. Alas, they might think they have it all figured out, but they don’t see Seadown and his boundless cruelty coming.
While the whole Buccaneers gang is getting into the festivities, Seadown is making sure he keeps Jinny all to himself. He gives her what looks to be a very uncomfortable bath; he tells her how much he loves her but also that she’s difficult to love when she’s with her friends. It should be just the two of them all the time. As Seadown’s manipulations grow, you can see it all over Jinny’s face — she knows this isn’t what marriage is supposed to be, this isn’t real love, and yet she can’t fully admit it to anyone, not even to herself. When Seadown tries to reassert his power over Lizzy by picking her up when she falls and carrying her all the way to a room (not one other person was like: Hmm, that seems weird and unsettling?) before politely informing her that messing things up for him and Jinny would be a bad idea, she breaks down into tears. She finally tells Jinny what happened at Runnymede, and no one, except maybe Lizzy, is surprised that Jinny sides with her husband. It’s hard to blame Jinny here because she’s a victim, too, but wow, do you really want to shake her? She dismisses Lizzy and reinforces the shame that this girl has worked so hard to let go of. The worst part of this is that even as Jinny tries to refute what Lizzy is telling her, Lizzy only wants to help her friend. She is worried. Both of them were taught to want marriage and a husband above all else, but Lizzy is begging Jinny to open her eyes and see, or admit, that this isn’t the way. It’s not supposed to be like this.
But Jinny isn’t stupid, and Jinny loves Lizzy, so even though you can hear the fear in her voice, she tells Seadown what she heard he’s done. She is, of course, quick to reiterate that she believes him and is on his side, but the damage has been done. When she goes to apologize to her husband later, oh buddy, he gives her a nice long talking-to about how he has repeatedly shown his complete devotion to her, and yet Jinny doesn’t trust him. He needs to know she loves him as much as he loves her. He needs to know she “values him above all others.†And he wants her to prove it.
Even before a guilty-looking Jinny sneaks into her sister’s bed, you know exactly what information she used to prove she trusts her husband. I so badly want to believe Jinny can be saved, but wow, does she really suck.
Now, you knew Seadown wouldn’t keep that information to himself, and the very next morning, the duchess tells Nan that she knows the truth and she wants her out of her home and out of her son’s life immediately. They’ll make up some story so no one, not even Theo, knows the truth. You might think you have tough in-laws, but have any of them ever said, “If you were to marry my son, you’d destroy 500 years of civility� That is harsh. While a tearful Nan at first assumes it was Guy who told the duchess, he denies it — he would never do that. Of course he wouldn’t, and Nan knows it’s true. But coming to terms with that truth means there is only one other person who could’ve told. The look on her face when she realizes her own sister did this is heartbreaking.
When Nan confronts Jinny, Seadown doesn’t let his wife get a word in. When that jagoff says, “What she wants, NAN, is to avoid embarrassment†and emphasizes the “Nan†like the petty bitch he is, it is a wonder Nan doesn’t punch him right in the teeth. Nan is a lady, unfortunately. All Jinny can muster is a cold “your shame is not my shame,†but when Nan says, “I will never forgive you, not ever,†you know who has the power in this sibling relationship. While it is gut-wrenching to watch Nan have to divulge this massive secret to everyone in attendance over the Christmas lunch table before she leaves, it is also incredible to watch her own who she is so completely and confidently. It’s truly shocking that no one gives her a slow clap when she says, “I am proud to have survived the revelation. I am proud of my mother. And I am proud to be … I am proud to be,†and don’t tell me they didn’t have slow claps back then because this show does not care and neither do I! Perhaps even more satisfying is watching Lord Seadown realize he’s failed in his evil pursuits (and, to an extent, to see Jinny realize she is on the wrong side of history here) when Theo stands up and tells Nan that he doesn’t care who her mother is. He is well aware that a person doesn’t choose how they are born. All we can do is choose “who we are and who we love.†He takes her hands in front of everyone: “I loved you the moment I saw you, and I will never stop choosing you.†At least Mabel knows the swoony declaration and romantic, sweeping kiss deserves a little hooting and hollering from the table.
The amount of gorgeous professions of love Nan St. George gets on a regular basis is staggering, and yet this woman cannot be satisfied. Theo’s public display of affection obviously moves her, but just before she goes into the dining room to make her final stand, she tells Guy that the thought of not marrying Theo has only made her feel “relieved.†Neither of them says it to each other, but you see it on both of their faces — this could be the answer to their problems. This could be the way for them to be together. Sure, Guy may go to find Jean and have an uncomplicated Christmas, but the moment after Theo kisses Nan and she should only be thinking about her fiancé who is wildly in love with her, she is looking over her shoulder at the door, wondering where Guy is. Five hundred years of civility might be destroyed in one fell swoop, but nothing can bring down this love triangle!
The Society Pages
• Honoria is still nursing wounds from Mabel rejecting her after they have sex in the boathouse, but Mabel tries to mend fences (and more!) with a sweet music box gift. Then, Mabel and Miles get engaged in front of everyone — sure, they are doing it as a friendly pact since neither of them is interested in marriage, and Mabel knows this is the only way she can stay close to Honoria, but it doesn’t seem like Honoria sees it that way!
• Honoria and Conchita bond a bit in this episode. Honoria goes to her sister-in-law for help with confidence, and Conchita confesses that she desperately wants to repair things with Dickie, but something is holding him back. Honoria knows exactly what that something is — Mrs. Testvalley. When she sees her old governess snooping on a finally happy Richard and Conchita, she gives her a not-so-veiled message about how Richard finally has a chance to be free. Yes, that means Honoria knows all about her brother’s twisted relationship with their governess, but it also means Testvalley decides to leave the very next day.
• I still can’t believe Jean is having so much trouble locking down a husband. Kind, rich, and handing out wheels of cheese as gifts? Someone marry this woman!!