It’s never a good sign when a royal romance is so tepid that The Crown can’t even pretend to create drama.
The Prince William–Kate Middleton relationship is a bore. There, I said it. Even if it was nudged along by an enterprising Carole Middleton, who appears to take several pages out of Mohamed Al Fayed’s matchmaking playbook, her machinations weren’t enough to stop this episode from dragging.
We already know that the Prince and Princess of Wales have been married for 12 years with three adorable kids between them, so “Alma Mater†has absolutely zero tension. To be fair, The Crown knows there’s not much to work with here, which is why the William-Kate coupling actually doesn’t factor into these final episodes as much as initially advertised.
We begin with a December 1996 flashback, where a 14-year-old William (played here by Rufus Kampa, the actor from Part One) and Princess Diana (Elizabeth Debicki in a quick cameo) are in London handing out copies of The Big Issue. A 14-year-old Catherine “Kate†Middleton is shopping with her mother, and already we’re getting “momager†vibes from Carole Middleton: Carole dismisses Kate’s dowdy choice of Christmas party dress and encourages her teenage daughter to choose something that will attract the boys. Lovely.
The Middleton women spot Diana and William and have a brief exchange with the charismatic royals. As with many Crown moments, this scene was fictionalized, with a dash of truth: There is no account of Prince William and Princess Diana selling The Big Issue — a nonprofit publication providing employment to the homeless and long-term unemployed — in the ’90s (or of Kate and Carole Middleton meeting them at that time). Prince William, however, has been spotted selling copies of The Big Issue in 2022 and 2023. He says his decision to do so was influenced by visits to a homeless shelter with his mother when he was a boy.
Back at the Middletons’ middle-class home, a mother-daughter chat ensues, though it hardly feels loving and supportive. Sure, the words sound empowering: “Never underestimate yourself†and “Never think you’re not good enough,†but Carole is giving Kate an order. As in, “Go bag yourself a royal prince.†Okay, Mum, whatever.
We then jump to “Three Years Later,†circa 2000. William has turned 18 and is about to graduate. This is national news, so naturally, Carole Middleton tunes in to every TV and radio report to glean any information she can about the prince’s post-Eton plans. When William holds a press conference announcing he’s going to take a gap year before attending St. Andrews University in Scotland, Carole listens intently.
Following a globe-trotting gap year montage, we arrive at William’s big move-in day at St. Andrews in late 2001. As the prince begins his course in art history, the camera lands on a lovely brunette young woman who’s taking classes alongside William. Surprise, surprise, it’s Kate Middleton! (Now played by newcomer Meg Bellamy.)
In its attempts to remain accurate, The Crown has to keep these two in the friend zone for the entire episode. So, on the one hand, we don’t get a manufactured love story, and on the other, their few interactions are a giant yawn. They jog past each other! They smile at each other before swimming laps side by side! We’re also reminded of the fact that Prince William is an 18-year-old guy living in the early 2000s, which means that he and his friends have no qualms about making misogynistic comments about Kate as she walks past them on campus. Charming.
Eventually, on the advice of his rakish brother, Harry, William forces himself into a tedious relationship with a (fictional) posh girl straight out of early aughts central casting with the unfortunate name of Lola Airdale-Cavendish-Kincaid. There are many aggravating things about this character, including how she’s positioned to make Kate feel like she’s the poor commoner out of William’s league. True, Kate wasn’t a blue blood, but she certainly wasn’t struggling financially.
But Lola never stood a chance because, unlike preferred royal spouses, she’s not “outdoorsy.†Kate and William finally discover their common interests over a meet-cute in the St. Andrews library: William needs several books, but Kate checked them all out! The two engage in friendly conversation. You know, normal student-bonding topics like, “Hey! I live above you! Did you know your security team checked my room for bugs?†Or how Kate did the same gap year program in Chile as William. (Gee, I wonder how that happened.) There’s no denying how comfortable these two are with each other, so when Lola saunters over, she’s totally jealous. A catfight ensues, with Lola throwing a tantrum over William and Kate’s natural chemistry and shared outdoor interests, just in time for a shy student to ask William for an autograph.
A stressed-out William nearly snaps this poor girl’s head off, only to dig himself deeper by explaining to a horrified Kate and Lola that they don’t understand what it’s like to have unwanted attention foisted upon him daily. Suddenly, Lola and Kate realize it’s time for William’s long-overdue lesson in The Female Experience. They remind him that, as women, they’re “ogled, looked at and judged constantly.†Like what William and his friends enjoy doing to Kate whenever she walks by them. Then, William defends that behavior by saying that’s what happens to a “fit girl.â€Â Both Lola and Kate drop his ass harder than the royal family dropped Princess Diana.
The next several scenes are supposed to illustrate how depressed William became after blowing things with Kate, but again, since they barely knew each other anyway, the scenes ring hollow. Sad William escapes to Balmoral to get drunk, while Kate participates in a St. Andrews tradition called Raisin Weekend, where the big events include a shaving cream fight. She gets a new boyfriend. William eats ramen alone in his room while watching Graham Norton on TV.
But there may be hope for these two yet! On campus, William stops Kate and her new beau to apologize for his behavior in the library, and even New Beau can’t ignore the attraction between these two. Regardless of their undeniable chemistry, now it’s time for Christmas, so William heads to Sandringham to spend the holiday with the royal family while Kate brings New Beau home to Berkshire. It’s not long before all the royals are up to date on William’s girl troubles and how the prince is contemplating switching universities. William is then encouraged to switch concentrations instead of schools, which is what happened IRL.
Then, in an endearing scene between Queen Elizabeth and William, Her Majesty advises her grandson not to give up on Kate. William may be the next in line to uphold an outdated, centuries-old system, but he does exemplify what has changed about the royal family. What Granny calls “affairs of the heart,†William calls “dating.†But nowadays, the queen doesn’t scoff at the concept of dating, even though she doesn’t fully understand it (“We met someone, then married them, and got on with itâ€). Still, she believes that “what is meant for you won’t pass you by†and that the right matches are divinely ordained. So, go after her, William!
Except for what the queen calls pursuing a girl, William calls “stalking.†And the way The Crown tells it, there was nothing divinely ordained about William and Kate’s relationship. If anything, it was orchestrated by an intrepid mother who engaged in a bit of stalking herself.
Over in Berkshire, Kate gets into a massive fight with Carole because she feels her mother won’t be happy until she brings Prince William home as her boyfriend. We then learn that there was a reason why Carole listened to William’s pre-university plans so carefully: Even though Kate was prepared to go to Edinburgh University with her friends immediately after finishing high school, Carole suggested that her daughter take a gap year, do the same program in Chile as Prince William, and then enroll at St. Andrews.
While there is some truth to these revelations — Kate Middleton was initially supposed to go to Edinburgh University and instead opted for the gap year/St. Andrews plan — Carole’s role in Kate’s decision-making remains murky at best. The lack of clarity makes this topic ripe for the Crown treatment, though. Carole defends her underhanded behavior, insisting that she pushed her daughter toward William for his sake. The way Carole sees it, William is a grieving, overwhelmed future king who just “needs a nice, normal girl.†When you think about it, it’s pretty genius. Especially when Carole whispers that she hears William is “miserable and wants to leave university.†That news sends Kate’s eyes into panic mode.
Unfortunately, The Crown doesn’t do enough of a deep dive into Kate’s psyche or background to allow the audience to even care about her or her eventual role as Princess of Wales. The same goes for Prince Harry, who finally gets a big scene at the end of “Alma Mater,†where he unloads all his problems onto his older brother (most of them involving weed). He also implores William to stay at St. Andrews because the last thing he needs is for his brother to eclipse his status as the family fuck-up.
Fortunately, Harry wrote a tell-all, so even though his young adulthood troubles are, at best, shoehorned into these final episodes, we’re not dependent on The Crown for additional explanations as to why it truly sucks to be born the “number two†in the royal family. We’ve learned enough from Princess Margaret.
As for the number one, history has already shown that Prince William did indeed remain at the University of St. Andrews, graduating in 2005 and maintaining his family position as the sensible one. But what did it really take for him to stay put and get serious? Apparently, it was a late-night text from Kate Middleton, who asked him not to leave. Yawn.
Crown Jewels
• In “Alma Mater,â€Â The Crown continues its series-long tradition of casting actors who have already appeared in other royal or royal-adjacent film/TV roles. Eve Best, who plays Carole Middleton, also portrayed Wallis Simpson — and future Hitler pal/Duchess of Windsor — in The King’s Speech.