Another week, another episode where Mia attempts to get the cast on board with her fairy tales. Who among us is shocked to discover that when Mia said “the fathers of my children,†she meant her first husband and eldest child, who has noticeably not been on-camera since her first season on the show? Not I, said the cat. As a woman of taste who grew up watching soap operas with my mother, Mia’s toolbox is embarrassingly transparent: Find every opportunity to sensationalize the conflict at any expense. Sure, it makes for consistent on-camera mess, but this is not an episode of Passions. Whenever Theresa Lopez-Fitzgerald found a new deranged way to stalk Ethan Crane, it was on a set and they never blew up their real lives. (Well, until the actor who played Theresa married her co-star — a then-unknown who went by Justin Hartley. Selling Sunset fans know the rest.) Every choice that Mia makes is a play to the camera that increasingly threatens the stability of her very real life, and it is increasingly putting her at odds with the rest of the cast. As Karen snarked, “The stress of juggling a pimp village has gone to her head.â€
The irony of the word “accountability†getting abused on reality shows is that when it matters, none of the narcissistic personalities on our screen can seem to muster any. Mia is upset that Gizelle set up a confrontation over her social-media behavior at Wendy’s birthday party — calling it “inappropriate,†which is a bit like Erika Jayne telling Dorit that she could stand to lay off a bit on plastic surgery — and uses that moment to strike back at her, probably under the assumption that Gizelle’s divisive reception among the fans would work in her favor. Unfortunately, that could not be further from the truth. While Gizelle might have picked an inopportune time to ask the question, Mia is in deep denial about how concerning and volatile her life circumstances seem at the moment. Even her best friend and recurring punching bag Jacqueline — a woman who refers to her ex by a juvenile synonym for penis — has had to admit to Mia that she needs to address her co-parent situation with Gordon before adding any more complications, yet this continues to fall on deaf ears.
Instead, Mia chooses to take up arms against Gizelle, waiting to confront her at Ashley’s charity event for homelessness … which, confusingly, involved Ashley rappelling off the side of a massive office building. I’m with Karen on this: You don’t have to do all that, Ashley. I’ll just send a check. Mia begins to launch into a speech about how she spoke to Gizelle directly about her issues — as in, hijacked GnA’s event to have all the women hear her latest version of events — but Gizelle bringing up her concerns at Wendy’s event alongside all the other women is somehow different. If you are confused, it’s because her point makes about as much sense as the American health-care system. But the objective was never to sound reasonable — it was to find any excuse to accuse Gizelle of portraying herself as a perfect parent as a shield, revealing that her daughters tried to sneak boys into their house while they were on a D.R. trip, and she caught them on the ring camera. Astonishingly, Mia thinks that these infractions are comparable. One of these issues was a storyline on 7th Heaven; the other could be a Jerry Springer episode. I’ll let you figure out which is which, but one thing is for sure: Gizelle will not take this attack lying down.
Speaking of car crashes, Karen continues to try to use her screen time to talk around the lingering issue that is coming out of her second DUI. I have seen the comments, and as awful as it is that the accident happened and what could have resulted from Karen’s awful choices, I am not going to blame her for killing someone or speak as if she did because the fact is that she did not. I also understand that no lawyer would advise her to speak on ongoing litigation, much less felony charges. But without much traction on that friend, Karen bringing in her influencer daughter to do an in-episode sponsored ad for Amazon Live while they talk vaguely about her “health†and “wellness†rings hollow. And to be frank, it sounds like they are alluding to alcoholism while avoiding using the word on-camera. I don’t have any easy answers for Karen on how to handle this, but what she’s doing now isn’t working.
In truth, many of the women are stuck in cycles they can’t escape, overwhelmingly around men. It was tragic and insightful to watch all the women open up about the reality of their divorces. Ashley and Stacey are both in the middle of mediation processes and at radically different points of the grieving cycle of what negotiating a split does to a marriage. Stacey is still blithely optimistic, while Ashley is visibly fraught and anxious. The women wisely pull Stacey to the side and caution her to be proactive in the negotiations, with Karen wisely advising her that if you are getting divorced because you grew apart, you, in fact, do not know the man you are going to the negotiating table with. Ignoring their experience, Stacey goes in somewhat blind, only to be shocked at how little she knows about their finances. By her own admission, she hasn’t paid a bill in 15 years — to be fair, if I was married to a senior executive at Audi corporate, I wouldn’t either — and is now struggling to wrap her head around what taking control of her life looks like. I was shocked and appalled to watch most of the women operate the same way, including Wendy in her current marriage, especially since, in most of these households, they have become the main breadwinners. Performing heteronormativity traps these women into circumstances that they are struggling to escape from. It is no wonder that the common adage at this point is how housewives come onto the show to get divorced. If it’s not financials, it is a general lifestyle, such as Keiarna’s curious relationship with her partner, who is both her boss and has her working for his family. Their dynamic gives Lisa and Ray in Sister, Sister, and Lisa ended up marrying someone else in that show.
Ashley finally opens up about her feelings about the divorce process with her powerful and well-resourced ex. It might have taken three years, but I find it extremely valuable. She didn’t come away with as much as many thought she would get over the years with the pre-nup/post-nup saga, and now with Housewives being her main source of livelihood, him declining to continue to provide for her, demanding an NDA in perpetuity, and fighting for custody is a nonstarter, and is a perfect example of why her family calls him controlling. While I would be glad to never hear about the existence of that perverted poltergeist ever again, Karen sharply points out that this could be a point of leverage for Ashley to negotiate alimony. I am certain that she wants this process over and done with, if only to put an end to all the legal fees she is racking up, but also, it remains clear that despite what she has said in previous seasons, the two are barely on speaking terms and dealing with him gives her incredible anxiety. Given that, it is a bit understandable why she would want to launch herself off a building, if not a bit terrifying to watch her rappel down that structure. I, like Karen, would have been on my knees praying, except my shoes would be from Aldo, not Louboutin.
We are officially midway through the season, and all indications seem to be that we are only going up from here: An international trip and drag king show are both on the horizon, followed by a major confrontation between the cast and Mia, and a chaotic dog show gone horrifically wrong. After a rough few years, I am eager to see how this season continues to evolve.
Cherry Blossoms
• Congrats to Wendy for landing her visiting professorship at Wesleyan. While it doesn’t translate well onscreen, one thing that is quite obvious is that out of all the women, Wendy is the one that truly moves in classic Black D.C. circles. Even her birthday dinner had an appearance from respected reporter April Ryan and an official presence from the Maryland Governor’s office. (Also, thank you to the commenter who provided valuable boots-on-the-ground information from that event. May your head always land on the cool side of the pillow.)
• It was genuinely touching to see Eddie’s siblings finally meet the kids and begin to make amends. The tears felt genuine, and it seemed a bit obvious that the divisions were mainly driven by the matriarchs on both sides of their family. It is not their responsibility to continue that, and I hope that the Osefos continue to heal.
• Gizelle casually referring to Inc as the “Elf on a Shelf†made me laugh. My apologies to my short kings!
• The Housewives kids all hanging out together looked so adorable. We have watched so many of these kids grow up before our eyes. I am certain that it won’t be long before Bravo explores a Degrassi: The Next Generation version of the Housewives franchise for their offspring.
• Gizelle hasn’t really gotten going this season, but I have a suspicion that the second half of the season will feature her in a big way, both with going head-to-head with Mia as well as opening up about the impact of grieving in an empty nest. I am genuinely looking forward to seeing that journey.
• I Love Ashley’s brunette confessional look; it’s giving ’90s Robin Givens in the best way.