Heather Havrilesky Author Archive
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Heather Havrilesky

Columnist, the Cut.
See all their articles from across New York Magazine
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  1. ask polly
    ‘I’m Defective as a Human Being!’It’s impossible to “fix” anything if you don’t have compassion for yourself.
  2. ask polly
    ‘I Give Up!’Finding your power takes more than completing the assignment as directed.
  3. ask polly
    ‘No One Likes the Real Me!’You have to stop trying so hard to impress people.
  4. ask polly
    ‘Am I Too Obsessed With My Nemesis?’Ask yourself what fears are fueling your obsession.
  5. the future issue
    In 2029, I’ll Regret All My Hand-wringing Over Social MediaI now find myself questioning the moral imperative for women to avoid vanity and sidestep aesthetic fantasies.
  6. ask polly
    ‘I’m a Nightmare Person! Help!’Ask yourself what beliefs are looming behind your shame and self-hatred.
  7. ask polly
    ‘How Do You Learn to Be Happy Alone?’If you want to feel healthy and calm, you need to tune in to your feelings more often.
  8. ask polly
    ‘I’m So Shy and It’s Ruining My Life!’Give yourself room to be who you are without judgment.
  9. ask polly
    ‘I Moved to L.A. and I Hate It!’If you want your life to improve, you have to stop avoiding your feelings.
  10. ask polly
    ‘Why Am I Still So Angry at My Former Bully?’Rage is often a sign that you’re not treating yourself with enough care.
  11. ask polly
    ‘Should I Give Up on Trying to Make My Family Accept Me?’You’re still in denial about what they can and can’t give you.
  12. ask polly
    ‘My Fear of Climate Change Is Eroding My Sanity!’There are small things you can do to align yourself with your values.
  13. ask polly
    ‘I’m Paralyzed by Anxiety About Climate Change!’You can believe that the fight is hopeless and still fight.
  14. ask polly
    ‘I’m Constantly Worried My Boyfriend Will Leave Me!’When you feel insatiable, you need to cultivate compassion for yourself.
  15. ask polly
    Ask Polly: ‘I Want Kids, But My Boyfriend Isn’t Ready!’You need to find the guts to stand up for your future.
  16. ask polly
    Ask Polly: ‘My Kid Is Nonbinary, and I Can’t Get Over It’You need to recognize how thoughtful your child is.
  17. ask polly
    Ask Polly: ‘I’m So Indecisive About Everything!’Throw all of your selves and contradictions on the table, and see what works.
  18. ask polly
    ‘I Can’t Stop Oversharing!’Recognize when it’s caused by an anxious need to please others.
  19. ask polly
    ‘I Can’t Speak to Anyone!’Talking is easy when you trust yourself.
  20. ask polly
    Ask Polly: My In-Laws Are Careless About My Deadly Food Allergy!Sometimes there’s nothing you can do but keep your distance.
  21. ask polly
    ‘Do I Self-Sabotage When It Comes to Dating?’You need to figure out what appeals to you, and why.
  22. ask polly
    ‘I Hate Dating Apps So Much!’Never do anything that feels like a waste of time.
  23. ask polly
    ‘I Want to Be Single, But I’m Miserable Without Sex!’Sex cannot save you, but love and words and showing up and listening can.
  24. ask polly
    Ask Polly: ‘I Don’t Trust My Friends!’Your belief system is making you paranoid.
  25. ask polly
    ‘Am I Too Romantic About True Love?’Don’t change your entire belief system just because you’re afraid of seeming naïve.
  26. ask polly
    Ask Polly: ‘How Do I Stop Being an Asshole?’First you need to face your callousness toward yourself.
  27. ask polly
    ‘My Friendships Make Me Sad’Can you trust your instincts when it comes to friends?
  28. ask polly
    ‘Men Always Disappoint Me!’You have to learn to use your voice.
  29. ask polly
    ‘I Regret My College Social Life’Purge that concern from your mind once and for all.
  30. deadwood
    ‘Deadwood’ Reminds Us How to LiveLike Al Swearengen, a true believer in wretched, reckless freedom.
  31. ask polly
    ‘I Have an Excellent Lifestyle, But What If I Lose It?’You’re taking the worst part of panicking and ignoring the best part.
  32. ask polly
    ‘Should I Invite My Mean Aunt to My Wedding?’When family members never address what they want or feel, things get ugly quickly.
  33. ask polly
    ‘I Can’t Do Casual’You won’t become brave enough to ask for what you want until you know, for certain, that you deserve it.
  34. ask polly
    ‘I Live With My Parents and I’m Miserable!’No one should have to feel this bad about their life at your age.
  35. ask polly
    ‘I Am a Very Jealous Wife!’If you want to truly be healthy, you can’t turn your back on who you are.
  36. ask polly
    ‘Will Grief Destroy My New Marriage?’You need to become brave enough to talk about this with the people who know you.
  37. ask polly
    ‘I Am Rich and Worthless’You need to wake up and live a real life.
  38. ask polly
    ‘Why Do I Always Have a Crush on Someone?’Sometimes it doesn’t pay to intellectualize our very basic need for connection.
  39. ask polly
    ‘I’m Juggling School With Full-Time Work and I’m Miserable!’You feel guilty for sleeping eight hours or having sex? Dude.
  40. marriage: an investigation
    Is Marriage Obsolete?Maybe it is, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t good reasons to do it anyway.
  41. ask polly
    ‘My Husband Read My Journal and Now He’s Upset!’Find a way to be honest with each other without letting it crush you.
  42. ask polly
    ‘I Send Letters After Relationships End, But No One Writes Me Back’You’re throwing down brutal truths at the exact moment they’re no longer relevant.
  43. ask polly
    ‘Time Moves Too Quickly!’Your thoughts are forming tight fences around your feelings.
  44. ask polly
    ‘I’m a Pathetic Loser Who Can’t Stop Procrastinating!’You’re not what you think you are.
  45. ask polly
    ‘Is My Absence From Social Media a Red Flag?’I think you’re ahead of the curve.
  46. ask polly
    ‘I’ve Fallen Apart, and Nobody Shows.’Sometimes I think no one has it worse than the one who never gets angry.
  47. ask polly
    ‘I’m 17 and No One Understands Me!’You’re trying to stay superior, to keep yourself safe.
  48. ask polly
    ‘My Family Isn’t Speaking to Me and I’m Miserable Over It!’You know in your heart they’re being unfair, but that doesn’t mean you don’t miss them.
  49. ask polly
    ‘Am I Too Weird and Contradictory to Find Love?’You, my friend, are not right with yourself.
  50. ask polly
    ‘Every Man I Date Finds the Love of His Life Right After We Break Up!’Ask yourself why you’re so into these narratives about how you lose and lose and lose.
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