Eau No!

Nothing says cool refreshment like a loud, badly coiffed real-estate mogul. That must be the theory, anyway, behind Trump Ice, Donald Trump’s new bottled water—straight from the source in exotic Laurel Run, Pennsylvania, and available at places like Fresco and Limoncello. The label features the Donald’s face and his coat of arms against a bright red background. Between gulps (delicious!), we gave him a call.

Your name’s already on a lot of buildings. Why add water? I did it at my casinos, and it was so good that people wanted to buy cases of it!

What did you serve before? Volvic? Poland Springs? Fiji? I’m not going to talk about other waters, but this water is very good.

What makes it so good? It’s low-sodium—in fact, it has no sodium.

And why such fiery packaging? It is fiery, isn’t it? It’s fire and ice! The water puts out the fire.

Eau No!